Talk:Spooked (The Office)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Legolas2186 (talk · contribs) 16:05, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Starting. Nice series. :) — Legolas ^(talk2me) 16:05, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

No dab or dead ELs. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 16:07, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Dwight (Rainn Wilson) becomes friends with Robert's son --> Who's Robert?
Robert (James Spader) --> This needs to be switched
many critics commenting on Ellie Kemper's performance --> commenting what? or you mean complimenting?
in the 18-49 --> Needs an en-dash
- I have corrected this. You actually made it an em-dah, while it should have been an en-dash. Check please.
The episode ranked as one of the lowest rated episodes of the series to air on Thursday. Despite this, the episode ranked third in its timeslot. ---> A little confusing. Can you rephrase this? — Legolas ^(talk2me) 17:18, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

More to come.

OK, fixed those problems. Will await more.--Gen. Quon (talk) 18:52, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Plot

and asks to speak with Erin at the end of the day, much to Erin's chagrin. ---> I did not get this. Why did he want to speak to Erin?
Erin asks Gabe (Zach Woods) for help, and he gives her a tape to show everyone. ---> She asks Gabe (Zach Woods) for help, and he gives her a tape to show everyone.
Unbeknownst to her, the video is full of disturbing images and no story, and the office gets upset when they see that there's hidden footage of them involved. --> Unaware of the fact that the video is full of disturbing images and no story, the office stuff get upset when they see that there's hidden footage of them present in the video.
Erin says she got nervous when Andy asked to have a talk with her and that she thought he was about to fire her over the party. ---> Erin says that she got nervous when Andy wanted to have a talk with her, and she thought he was about to fire her regarding the party.
However, Andy tells her he's dating someone, and she is shocked to hear they have been out on 31 dates so far. Erin doesn't speak up and leaves dejectedly. --> However, Andy informs her that he is dating someone, and she is shocked to hear they have been out on 31 dates so far. Erin feels dejected and leaves without speaking.
she used to work at, with their argument becoming extremely heated throughout the day. ---> she used to work at; their argument becoming extremely heated throughout the day.
Dwight wasn't allowed to bring in weapons, ---> was not allowed
thus people don't know what Dwight is. ---> thus people did not know what Dwight is.
Bert notices what his costume is supposed to be and the two bond playing StarCraft all day, ignoring everyone else. Dwight also has Bert pretend to fire Toby for taking away his weapons on the grounds that he is the CEO's son. ---> Bert notices what his costume is supposed to be and the two bond over playing StarCraft all day, ignoring everyone else. Dwight also makes Bert pretend to fire Toby, for taking away his weapons, on the grounds that he is the CEO's son.
Robert, having witnessed the various discussions and arguments between some employees and asked about the fears of others, tells ---> Robert, having witnessed the various discussions and arguments between some employees and aware about the fears of others, tells...

Production

writing of the series ---> written story for the series.
It was directed by one of the series' cinematographers --> Wrong usage. "It was directed by one of the The Office's cinematographers
It was directed by one of the series' cinematographers, Randall Einhorn, his 15th directing credit for the series making him the most prolific director for the series having been previously tied with Paul Feig ---> This whole line is cited by Internet Movie Database, a cite which is not considered reliable for featured content like GA. Please replace, else I do believe you need to remove it.
link season two and season seven to appropriate articles, if it exists.

Cultural

worn by Dwight including him as Pinhead, ---> worn by Dwight including dressed as Pinhead,
Angela is seen dressed as a cat, a reference to the season two episode, "Halloween" ---> You need to emphasize how is this a reference? How does the scene refer to the episode
Jim, Kevin and Darryl are dressed up as Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade and Lebron James, respectively --> Who are they? Again some written words describing how they are cultural references.

Reception

This means that it was seen by 2.9% of all 18–49 years olds, and 7% of all 18–49 year olds watching television at the time of the broadcast. --> Try to rephrase this, at present it essentially says the same thing.
This marked a 15% drop in the ratings from the previous episode, "Garden Party" making it the lowest rated episode of the series that aired on Thursday --> This marked a 15% drop in the ratings from the previous episode, "Garden Party", making it the lowest rated episode of the series that aired on Thursday
Also rephrase the last line, its too confusing with the percentage ratings and the Nielsen ratings. Try more Layman's terms.
["Costume Contest"], ---> WP:LQ check, double quotes shouldn't be inside already double quotes
He complimented the Erin-Andy plot, but called the Jim and Pam plot "boring".[10] He also complimented Ellie Kemper. ---> He complimented the Erin and Andy plot, but criticized the Jim and Pam plot, by calling it "boring".[10] Ellie Kemper's performance received commendations from Hertz.
“office Halloween party” ---> WP:LQ
Despite this, he complimented Erin's subplot and praised Kemper's performance in the episode.[2] he also complimented James Spader's scary speech at the end.[2] However, he criticized the Dwight plot and the Jim and Pam plot writing that "I don’t care that Pam believes in ghosts and Jim doesn’t, I don’t care that Dwight gets a few scenes in which the cynical adult is softened by the presence of a precocious child." ---> This just goes round beating the bush ---> complimented, criticized, complimented, criticized.... try a different line, a new vocabulary or something.
A majority of critics considered the episode an improvement over the previous halloween episode, "Costume Contest".[2][10][6] ---> The references should be arranged numerically, it should be [2][6][10].
In a poll taken by an Office fansite Officetally.com, fans gave the episode a 7.05 out of 10 rating.[12] ---> Excuse me? I hope you know that fansites cannot be considered reliable and valid, right?

REferences

ref1: IMDB, explained above
ref 2: AV club is a printed paper and should be italicized.
Ref 7, Officetally, please remove
Ref 10, National Post is a printed newspaper and should be italicized.
Ref 12, already explained.

All in all, some work needs to be done before this one is brought up to GA standard. Keeping on hold for seven days. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 17:16, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

OK, I believe I've fixed all of these issues. Hope they're all better!--Gen. Quon (talk) 19:33, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for making those changes because I have put the article on GA now. — Legolas ^(talk2me) 05:58, 10 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]