Talk:Splitting of the Breast/GA1
GA Review
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Nominator: TeenAngels1234 (talk · contribs) 20:34, 16 March 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Tintor2 (talk · contribs) 21:57, 13 April 2024 (UTC)
I'll be reviewing the article.Tintor2 (talk) 21:57, 13 April 2024 (UTC)
- Comments
- Lead
- I managed to understand the lead without any problem.
- Plot
- Since this is the first mention of the plot outside the lead it might be necessary to explain what do Shinji and Asuka pilot and introduce the plot into the body.
- "The other Evangelion units retreat." where do they retreat?
- Production
- I'm kinda confused here. Can "Splitting of the Breast" be explained in the first paragraph?
- Development
- This lacks an introduction Rei Ayanami
- "Japanese architect Yasutaka Yoshimura compared Leliel's design with Bridget Riley's work Fragment 5.[39]" This kinda comes across as trivial
- "which is used in the sixth episode "Rei II"." Sounds kinda trivial
- Reception
- needs introduction sentences to the paragraphs as well as connectors between reviewers to avoid a "X said that. Y that that" and instead "X said that which Y agreed with"
@TeenAngels1234: That's all for now. Good work.Tintor2 (talk) 00:09, 14 April 2024 (UTC)
- @Tintor2: Okay. Thank you. I think I've fixed everything. I just wanted to keep a brief mention of the fact that "Decisive Battle" has been used before, and Yoshimura's comparison with Riley's Fragment: although unfortunately there are no images here on WP or WC as far as I can say, it's IMHO worth-mentioning a work from OP art that resembles Leliel's pattern - I'm not sure Gainax actually used it as a reference, but who knows. What confuses you about Production? There's a particular sentence or question that it's not clear that I should fix?--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 08:22, 15 April 2024 (UTC)