Talk:Sophie Scamps/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: GraziePrego (talk · contribs) 05:47, 7 April 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 11:52, 9 July 2024 (UTC)

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	image is CC
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.

Early Life

• It would be better to include her date of birth with the reference here (as well as in the lead), so that the citation for it can be removed from the lead.
• "and was noted for her achievements in athletics" - noted by who? (I don't have access to the source at the moment) Source is paywalled so I have found a different one for her school attendance

Sporting career

• What makes the-sports.org a reliable source (I was nervous to see a big "Thanks, Wikipedia" banner at their contact page) Replaced with better source
• Personal bests details should be changed to prose, or moved to a section after the prose parts of the article.
• Spot check on " Olympic qualifying standard of 3:38.00" - would be good to see a fuller citation for the qualifying standards pdf.
• Spot check on "Scamps was not ultimately selected by Athletics Australia to start any races at the 1992 Olympics" - one source says she "qualified for the 1992 Olympics as a middle-distance runner" but another (SMH) says she had not reached the qualifying standard. Isn't there a better source for here? I don't think these quite add up to support the text.
  • It's a bit confusing, the older SMH source says she didn't qualify but they mean for the 800m, not for the 4 x 400m relay. So she did qualify for the 4 x 400m, but ended up not being selected.

Higher Education

• Suggest renaing this scetion, or maybe combining it with another, as it's short and is not all about her higher education.
• Spot check on "Scamps studied Medicine at the University of Sydney graduating in 1995. Later, she received a Master of Public Health from University of New South Wales, and a master of Science with honours from the University of Oxford" - "graduating in 1995" not supported
• "a Master of Public Health from University of New South Wales, and a master of Science with honours" - I know this is in line with the source, but how about adding the word "degree" in?
• "carbon neutrality" - source has "reducing carbon emissions" which I think is slightly different.

2022 election campaign

• Is it possible to add some context around "Scamps received A$1,558,960 from 828 separate donors..."? I don't think it's very useful as just a statement.

Member of Parliament (2022–)

• Section should be reworded for flow - not just a series of paragraphs starting with dates like a timeline. Although it's an essay and not a policy, you might find WP:PROSELINE helpful.
• What was the basis for deciding what to include? (Environmental policy looks significant, but perhaps not sections like Foreign affairs) I'm happy to chop things out if you think they're not significant enough, for now I have left everything in

Personal life

• "Scamps lives in Avalon on Sydney's Northern Beaches" - probably best to add an "As of (date)" qualification
• Although the narrabeenfamilymedical.com.au source isn't independent, would it be worth adding some of that info about her career into an eareir section? (E.g. something like "According to her profile on the Narabeen Family Health website, Scamps practised emergency medicine in Canberra and at Royal North Shore and Mona Vale Hospitals, before electing to move into General Practice")

Lead

• What's the source for her full name (Sophie Anna Rebecca Scamps)? couldn't find any source for this so removed
• Wouldn't "competing in running at an Olympic standard" be more acurate than "competing in running at an Olympic level"? The latter suggests to me that she competed at the Olympics.

Overall

• @GraziePrego: the prose needs some work and there are some other issues. Rather than me putting the review formally on hold now, would be you be willing to address my comments above before I do some more spot checks and continue the review? Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 11:38, 10 July 2024 (UTC)

Hi @BennyOnTheLoose, I can do that. Thank you for your comments so far. GraziePrego (talk) 11:44, 10 July 2024 (UTC)

Hi @BennyOnTheLoose, I have finished going through your comments, apologies for taking so long. GraziePrego (talk) 02:28, 27 August 2024 (UTC)

Thanks, GraziePrego. Nearly at GA, I think. Comments on the updated version below. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 12:45, 2 September 2024 (UTC)

Hi @BennyOnTheLoose I believe I have completed your next set of comments :) GraziePrego (talk) 01:48, 6 September 2024 (UTC)

• As "Early life" is so short, is there a logical way to combine it with "Early career"?
• I'm not sure that enough follows "Scamps was a sprinter and middle-distance runner specializing in the 800 metres and 4 × 400 m relay." to justify it as a summary. Is there a source that says about her specializations specifically? (I.e. It's not obvious why 800m and 4x400 are mentioned, but not 400m.)
• Spot check on "was a member of the gold medal winning 4 × 400 m relay team at the 1990 World under-20 Championships." - no issues.
• Spot check on "Her personal bests included 52.67s for 400 m (Sydney, Australia, 1991), 2:02:2 for 800m (Canberra, 2000), and 3:30:38 in the 4 × 400 m relay (Deveti Septemvri Stadium, Plodiv, 1990)" - unless I've missed something, the times for 400m and 800m are different to the source. It might be useful to link directly to [1] rather than using the world athletics template. (You could add an External links section include the "main" World Athletics link for Scamps there.)
• Spot check on "Scamps studied Medicine at the University of Sydney, graduating in 1995." - no issues.
• Spot check on "In 2020, using the "kitchen table conversations" model created by former Indi independent Cathy McGowan, Scamps and four like-minded locals created the "Voices of Mackellar" group" - OK, but it would be much better to use the SMH original rather than Scamps's own site for the citation, as otherwise it looks like something self-published.
• Spot check on "In February, Scamps called for federal recognition of the 1915 Armenian, Assyrian and Greek genocides carried out by the Ottoman Empire" - no issues
• Spot check on "In February 2024, Scamps called for the Australian government to restore funding to UNRWA after it was withdrawn in January, and for there to be an immediate ceasefire in the Israel–Hamas war" - no issues
• Spot check on "In response, on 5 March, former Speaker and Liberal MP Bronwyn Bishop stated on Sky News Australia that Scamps was "part and parcel of the antisemitic movement". Bishop apologised and withdrew her comments on 12 March" - OK, but although the report was on 12 March, I don't think it states that the apology was on that day; how about "a week later" instead of "on 12 March"?
• "Her own surname" - could probably omit "own"

Lead

• "Scamps is classified as a Teal independent, as she was one of a group of independents at the 2022 federal election supported by Climate 200." - I'd add this into the body, so that the citation can be removed from the lead.
• Lead is ok but optionally you could add in a bit more from the "2022 election campaign" and "Member of Parliament (2022–)" sections. (Perhaps the points that "Her campaign focused on the issues of climate, integrity and gender diversity." or "Scamps has also said that Julia Gillard's Misogyny Speech inspired her to enter politics."; for the MP part, maybe a bit more about bills she introduced or campaigns she has led.)

• @GraziePrego: I'm satisfied that the article meets the GA criteria, so I'm passing it. Thanks for your responses to my comments. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 09:17, 6 September 2024 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.