Talk:Solen glimmar blank och trind/GA1
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 08:25, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
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My third review for you now, guess there's really many GANs of yours in the queue! --K. Peake 08:25, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- Many thanks as always. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:42, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
Lead
[edit]- Img looks good!
- Thanks!
- "round), is one of the Swedish poet" → "round) is one of Swedish poet"
- Done.
- Again, best-known and best-loved does not belong in the opening sentence
- Done.
- The subtitle should be the second sentence instead
- Moved.
- Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
- Done.
- "after a night" → "following a night"
- Mm, I think "after" is better actually.
- You used the same word earlier in the sentence and neither alters the meaning, so switch to following or something similar. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- [1] is not needed in the lead since that info is in the body and refs are discouraged here anyway
- There's a direct quotation in double quotation marks, so it'd best stay.
- No there is not, you are thinking of [2]. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- Aha. Gone.
- Only part of the subtitle is sourced in the body
- Fixed.
- Pipe Hessingen to Essingen Islands
- Done.
- "It is one of Bellman's" → "The composition is one of Bellman's" and this should be the last sentence of the first para
- Done.
- Wikilink as Bacchanalian instead
- Done.
- "Places along the route can" → "Places along the route to Stockholm can" starting the second para
- Done the paragraphing; no need to repeat as "back home to Stockholm" is just above.
- Reception should be after the above sentence in second para, but this could be split into more than one sentence
- I must say I think it works well as one sentence, as the clauses compactly build up a picture.
- Isn't this overusage of "it" though? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- Not to worry.
- "its detail to" → "the detail to"
- See item above.
- "its delicacy to Watteau's," → "the delicacy to Antoine Watteau's," with the wikilink
- As above; piped.
- Add a final sentence mentioning the adaptation
- Perhaps a bit too prominent for the item concerned.
- Don't you need another sentence at least since the second para is too short? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- OK, found a sentence that seems to fit in naturally there. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:20, 30 November 2021 (UTC)
Context
[edit]- The ref in the first sentence should solely be at the end of it
- Done.
- "his songs at the" →"his songs at locations such as the"
- Edited.
- "during the eighteenth century." → "during the 18th century." per MOS:NUM
- Done.
- Remove comma after his employer
- The comma separates the noun phrase from another noun phrase which explains it.
- It is not needed for introductions like this in the body, as writing the role out and then a name makes it clear. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- Done, but the issue isn't clarity but naturalness.
- no. 48 → No. 48 on the img text
- Done.
Song
[edit]Music
[edit]- Add text about the audio sample to comply with WP:NFCCP
- Done.
- Pipe key to Key (music)
- Done.
- "each of eight lines." → "each consisting of eight lines."
- Done.
- "CCCB. It was written" → "CCCB, while the composition was written" to avoid overly short sentences
- Edited.
- The quote does not need a speech mark at the end because there's not one at the start
- Gone.
- Pipe Antoine de Bourbon to Antoine of Navarre
- Done.
- opera-ballet → opéra-ballet
- Done.
- "where it is named as" → "under the name of"
- Done.
- "where Bellman obtained it," → "where Bellman obtained the melody,"
- Done.
"Bellman knew it as "Si le roy m'avoit donné", and set his" → "Bellman knew the melody as "Si le roy m'avoit donné", setting his"
- I think the past tense and active verb work better here, given the "knew" at the start.
- "of Bacchi Tempel, and his poem" → "of Bacchi Tempel and his poem"
- No, see next item.
- Remove comma after the poem title
The punctuation is a natural and necessary pause here, as both the song and the poem are set to that tune: we mustn't group the poem with the concluding phrase, or we'd leave the song stranded with no target.
- Only use Bellman's surname on the img text, like the previous one
- Done.
Lyrics
[edit]- Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
- Done.
- Remove wikilink on Stockholm
- Gone.
- Last para looks good!
- Thanks!
Places mentioned
[edit]- Wikilink Ulla Winblad and pipe Hessingen to Essingen Islands on the img text
- Done.
- "in the text." → "in the text:" per them being in the box below and does ref 17 need to be there too?
- Punctuated. The ref is certainly advisable to deter the tag-every-uncited-para bunnies.
- Pipe Lake Mälaren to Mälaren
- Done.
- Pipe Saltpeter to Niter
- Done.
Reception
[edit]- Remove wikilinks on Stockholm and Ulla Winblad for the img text
- Gone.
- "Bellman's biographer, the translator" → "Translator and Bellman biographer"
- British usage.
- "a masterpiece, and" → "a masterpiece and"
- Done.
- Remove wikilink on Watteau
- Gone.
- "all together they" → "he believes that all together they"
- Edited.
- "Elias Martin's canvasses."" → "Elias Martin's canvasses"." per MOS:QUOTE
- Done.
- "and that he achieved this also" → "also seeing he achieved this"
- Um, surely that changes the meaning.
- Shouldn't you reword to avoid overusage of "that"? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- The sentence isn't cluttered with them.
- "in narrative technique, and in Fredman's" → "narrative technique, and Fredman's"
- Done, but I'm a bit queasy about the result.
- Pipe Goddess Venus to Venus (mythology) and remove the comma afterwards
- Done.
- Remove pipe on Neptune
- No, that'd mean the planet instead.
- You've piped to the article elsewhere, so try rewording to specify what Neptune is being referred to. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- Oh you mean unlink. Done.
- "states that the song paints" → "states the song paints"
- Better with than without.
- Overusage of "that" on this and the next one, again? --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- Rereading it, I'm still quite comfortable with it as it is with just 2 instances.
- "that the verses offer" → "the verses offer"
- Ditto.
- "that Ulla is here no" → "how Ulla Winblad is here no"
- Done.
- "and that the text of" → "and how the text of"
- Done.
- "where the seasick Ulla drops" → "where Ulla Winblad is seasick and drops"
- That changes the sense. Presumably she became seasick while in the boat. Also it's what Lönnroth said.
- Use the full name, as this is not a real person. --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- Done, but neither I nor the scholars cited see that as a rule.
- Penultimate para looks good!
- Thanks.
- "one of the songs most" → "one of the ones most" to avoid overusage of songs
- Said "pieces".
- "in both cases, it was" → "In both cases, the composition was" as a new sentence and to avoid overly repetitive wording
- Edited.
Recordings and adaptations
[edit]- Like before, can you add enough info for any of these to meet WP:SONGCOVER?
- Cut for now, I may look for discussions of the recordings one day.
- Remove the comma after Mikael Samuelson
- Done.
- Italicise festschrift
- Done.
References
[edit]- Copyvio score looks phenomenal at 6.5%!!!
- Noted.
- The Bellman Society → Bellman Society on ref 4 with the wikilink per MOS:LINK2SECT
- Done.
- Is ref 12 really necessary when pp. 207–211 is part of what ref 18 cites anyway?
- Merged.
- Ref 16 should be a note at the top of this section instead
- Done.
- Wikilink Växjö University on ref 20 and add the language parameter
- Done.
- Remove or replace refs 22 and 24 per WP:RSP
- Done.
Sources
[edit]- Wikilink Albert Bonniers Förlag instead
- Done.
- Pipe Simon and Schuster to Simon & Schuster
- Done.
External links
[edit]- Add the website name that the text is at
- Done.
Final comments and verdict
[edit]- On hold until everything is resolved; your response time has been very impressive! --K. Peake 19:47, 29 November 2021 (UTC)
- Chiswick Chap ✓ Pass now, I don't take any issues with the usage of that upon second consideration and regarding the fullname of the character being used, that is a Wiki policy when names are not real ones. --K. Peake 10:24, 30 November 2021 (UTC)