Talk:Soeman Hs/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 14:58, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I always enjoy reading your articles, so I'm happy to offer a review of this one. Josh Milburn (talk) 14:58, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Is Pasir Pengaraian worth a link? Indonesian National Committee? Don't be scared of redlinks?
- Pasir Pangaraian appears to be a sub-village administrative district (hamlet, I usually translate it). ID-Wiki stops at the village level, and quite a few WikiProject Indonesia people think even going to the subdistrict level (kecamatan) is a bit too far. We do have an article for the Central Indonesian National Committee, which was the predecessor to the current Indonesian parliament. We don't have articles on any of the sub-committees (predecessors of the Dewan Perwakilan Rakyat Daerah, I believe). Not sure we'd be able to find enough on the KNI for this area to make an article, and an {{ill}} to Dewan Perwakilan Rakyat Daerah doesn't seem like it would help much. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"was brought made the head" I assume that this is an error?
- Yes. Fixed. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Is Kotanopan worth a link?
- Ill-ed to Kotanopan. Also fixed the regency (apparently South Tapanuli was divided since the source was written). — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Could you specify his religion/denomination more explicitly in the early life section? Sorry if this is obvious; it's not going to be for readers unfamiliar with this part of the world.
- I'd have thought "Quran" was clear enough, but added.
"Soeman writing in the 1923," ??
- Garbled. Fixed.
"Hasibuan in Malay-dominated Bengkalis, he took the pen name Soeman Hs" Are "Hasibuan" and "Soeman Hs" words-as-words? If so, they should be italicised.
- Does "Words as words" applies to names? Italicizing in this case strikes me as inappropriate. Looking at FAs, the featured article on Ringo Starr does not use italics in the sentence "About this time he adopted the stage name Ringo Starr; derived from the rings he wore and also because it implied a country and western influence." — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"('Undivided Love')" Why the single quotes? Is there something in the MOS about this? (Same with other titles)
- Changed to be more consistent with my other articles. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
You switch tenses in referring to the books; one follows a plot, the other followed a plot. I don't mind which way you go, but consistency would be good.

Fixed, I think. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Soehardja ... Martaperdana" Are these mononymous people?

Yes. See 1 and 2. The Javanese at the time were often mononymous (i.e. Sudirman, Sukarno), though they may have had noble titles. Not familiar enough with Sundanese naming customs to say how common mononyms were. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"would be husband" I think "would be" is a compound adjective, meaning "would-be" would be correct.
- Correct. Fixed — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Is Sagikai Giin worth a link?
- Hmm... looking on the web, I'm getting a million different transliterations. Syuu Hookoo Kai, Shuusangikai, etc. Curly Turkey, would you happen to know the common transliteration (and the Japanese for it?). I'll also ask my friend who is based out of Japan and whose research focuses on the Japanese occupation. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - It looks like "Shuusangikai" is 州参議会, which would be "Shūsangikai" according to MOS:JAPAN, or possibly something like "Shū sangi kai" ("regional representatives' council" or whatever) as in this, or some form with hyphens (there's really no standard). I'd go with "Shūsangikai". "Syuu Hookoo Kai" is probably 州奉公会 "Shūhōkōkai", but I can't find that exact term anywhere. I see ジャワ奉公会 (for Java), and the J-article says it was used for Taiwan. I'm not familiar with any of these terms, but my gut feeling is "Shūsangikai" is what you want. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:03, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
    - Excellent. Have added the diacritic. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 13:32, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - K, switched to the more common Shuusangikai upon recommendation of my friend. Don't see much on the regional councils in Indonesia, however — Chris Woodrich (talk) 03:08, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"though they underarmed, he led into combat against" Is this right? I've read it a few times, and I'm still not certain.
- Wow, that was garbled. Fixed. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"Minister of Education Mohammad Yamin attended the opening ceremony, where Soeman compared the situation in Riau to that of Aceh and North Sumatra, declared that the people of Riau had been treated like stepchildren," Who declared that?
- Done. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
You use the word "chairman" several times; could I perhaps recommend "chairperson" or simply "chair"?
- Fixed. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Western or western? Your call, but be consistent. (Also eastern.)
- All caps. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Do you have an appropriate wikilink for "Malay folk literature"?
- Done. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"the "Lebai Malang (id)"" This doesn't work. There may be a way to do this using the template, but you may have to do it manually.
- Fixed. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"young women would to secluded and unable" I don't follow. Also, there's a singular/plural shift in the sentence.
- Fixed — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Is it Sir Joon or Sier Joon?
- Standardized — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Was the commemorative film released cinematically or on television? If so, it probably belongs in the legacy section. (If not, it probably doesn't.)
- AFAIK, the full video (of which the CC video is only a part) is part of Lontar's On the Record: Indonesian Literary Figures series which was sold/rented out to interested parties. There may have been screenings on TV, but I don't have any references saying that. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I think you should probably have some categories reflecting his political/revolutionary activities.
- Will look for some. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Are you convinced that the details about his linguistic style belong in the lead? You're the expert, but it strikes me as a rather specific detail.
- I'm using a structure similar to that of the FA Amir Hamzah, which gives a sentence in the lead to diction. As diction is a key part of style, I think it is worth a mention. The regional dialect in some of his stories is quite strong; there were several paragraphs in Kawan Bergeloet that I had to reread several times. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Images seem fine, though I'm a little surprised about the FOP tag. Sources look great. It's generally a great read and a really interesting subject. You seem to skim over certain aspects, but I'm happy that this reflects the sources available, especially given how you have sourced discussion that he was/is forgotten. Josh Milburn (talk) 15:58, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

And please double-check my edits. Josh Milburn (talk) 15:58, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

There are two other sources that I'm still tracking down (one written by the regional government of Riau, the other by a team from the national government) but I haven't had any luck yet. They should help fill what gaps remain. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 02:43, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

And before I leave this... If I was writing the article, I'd structure it slightly differently. I'd have the first four sections as subsections of a section called something like "Life and career". I'd also include a mention in the writing career section that he was still teaching in this time; instead, you have the slightly non-chronological mention of the length of his teaching career at the end of one section before a discussion of his writing career (which started long before the end of his teaching career). Anyway, I'll leave that with you. Josh Milburn (talk) 16:05, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, great, I'm happy that this is promotable at this time- it makes a strong GA. I'll leave the thought about a politician category and the possible restructuring with you. Do let me know if you take this to FAC and I'll aim to find some time for another read-through. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:49, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much! — Chris Woodrich (talk) 01:16, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]