Talk:Slow Down Your Neighbors/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sanders11 (talk) 14:37, 28 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hi there, I saw the big list of TV GANs and thought I would help out a bit. From a skim through the article it looks good, I will now go through it assessing it against the GAC. Sanders11 (talk) 14:37, 28 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Mostly fine, a few issues which I will address below
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
Again a few issues noted below
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Comments below
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Lead

"who coincidentally both were credited for the previous episode, "Dance Dance Revelation"." - I wouldn't bother saying coincidentally, just say were both also credited for the previous episode, coincidentally makes it sound like trivia
"Cameron and Mitchell's new "neighbor"." - I'd either call him a neighbor or squatter or whatever you would classify him as, rather than putting it inside the quotes
"becomes a determined neighborhood vigilante" - Reads a bit funny to me, I'm not sure that determined is necessary
None of the character names are linked to their articles
"with many praising" - with followed by a noun +ing is supposed to be avoided, maybe something like "many of whom praised Nolan Gould's performance"
"Dance Dance Revelation" - doesn't need linked twice in the lead
"The episode became the second highest rated scripted program of the original week it aired after The Simpsons which had received abnormally high ratings due to the NFL playoffs." - this sentence runs on a bit, I had to read it several times to understand it. How about "...of the week, behind The Simpsons."? You could try breaking it into two sentences, or find a different way to structure the sentence as "the original week it aired after The Simpsons" is quite hard to understand

Plot

Claire is the only character that is linked to their article, I would link them all in the lead then leave them unlinked here
Similarly, the actors are all linked in the lead so I don't think it is necessary to link them in the plot as well when it's so soon after. Also you use Rico Rodriguez once and Rico Rodriguez II once, so make sure you're using the right one
"hoping to catch and stop a sports car" - I don't think catch is a good choice of word here, I would just say "hoping to stop"
"Husband Phil (Ty Burrell) meanwhile," -> "Meanwhile, her husband Phil"
"Regardless, Claire orders Phil to put them up anyway." - Regardless and anyway mean the same thing here, so using both is unnecessary
"Regardless, Claire orders Phil to put them up anyway. Later, Claire chases the car, but loses it. She meets Phil at the newly sold house and meets Laura. The two get along well." - Too many short sentences in a row disrupts the flow
"Because Gloria never rode one before either, Jay teaches her, but Gloria fails." -> "As Gloria has never ridden a bike either, Jay tries to teach her, but she is unsucessful"
It would be good if you could give some context to the relationships of Jay, Gloria and Manny, and Cameron and Mitchell, similar to how you referred to Phil as Claire's husband, it helps readers who are unfamiliar with the show
"Barry is living in his daughter's castle" - can be read like it is Barry's daughter, but I'm struggling to come up with a clearer way of writing it

Production

Image looks okay, could you fill in the details on the image page rather than just the links? Also I'm presuming there isn't another image of Marsden as seeing him in costume for another film could be misleading. Perhaps change the caption to James Marsden on the set of Enchanted, or (pictured filming Enchanted). Just a suggestion, you can leave it as it is if you like
"The episode is also the second directing credit for Gail Mancuso after the previous episode, "Dance Dance Revelation"" - this has a reference afterwards, but the reference doesn't mention any of this
"In October 2010, William Keck of TV Guide reported that James Marsden would guest star on Modern Family as Cameron and Mitchell's new shirtless neighbor." - I don't think two references for this are necessary, particularly as the TV Squad one is just reporting what TV Guide reported
"He filmed his appearance on October 29, 2010.[3] Marsden later said in an interview with Access Hollywood called it a great experience saying they have "Really great comedians and writers on the show and it was great to have that behind you.".[6] " - a few issues here. "He" could be referring to Keck so I would use "Marsden filmed...". The next sentence doesn't make sense, I would trim it and merge it with the previous sentence, something like "Marsden filmed his appearance on October 29, 2010, which he described as a great experience because of the writing and comedians he worked with."

Reception

I don't think Dance Dance Revolution needs linked again
The 14% increase is mentioned in reference 7, not 8
"Donna Bowman praised "Slow Down Your Neighbors" praising" - praise is used twice
"-A" -> "A-"
I'm not sure that the readers rating should be added as from what I can see anyone could vote any value on it
TV Squad shouldn't be in italics
Describing Marsden's acting as a moment rather than a specific scene with him seems a bit odd but I see that's in the reference
It seems odd to mention a critic's second favourite moment from the episode?
Expand on TV Guide's quote, saying a critic found an episode great doesn't really tell the reader much that the other quotes haven't already. It mentions great lines and Luke moments so try and fit them in
"Mitchell-Cam storyline" - You haven't referred to him as Cam in the article
Small point - is Sam Morgan definitely male? There doesn't seem to be a userpage on Hollywood and you refer to him as he in the next sentence so thought I would check
"complement Marsden and Gould's performance" - should be compliment, the reference doesn't mention Gould's performance so should say Marsden's performance, and this reference will have to be removed from the next paragraph referring to Gould's performance
Similarly the AV Club reference doesn't seem to comment on Gould's performance either

References

You don't use a consistent date format throughout the references
I think ABC Medianet should be referenced as ABC Medianet, not Abcmedianet.com
Magazines should be in italics, websites should not:
TV Squad shouldn't be in italics
TV by the Numbers shouldn't be in italics
AV Club should be in italics
New York should be in italics
Time should be in italics

On the whole the article is in good shape, mainly just issues with referencing needing fix. A lot of the above are minor issues, the stylistic changes and phrases changed can be ignored or altered as you wish. I am putting this article on hold for seven days, feel free to ask if you need anything clarified. Good luck! Sanders11 (talk) 16:07, 28 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I've gotten a majority of them, allow I might have missed some NoD'ohnuts (talk) 01:32, 3 July 2011 (UTC)NoD'ohnuts[reply]

I've quickly gone through and did some minor things as I figured that would be quicker than typing them out and you changing. All that is remaining is some issues with referencing. IMDB cannot be used as a reference so please remove those. There is still inconsistency in the date formats, and still some inconsistency with italics. ABC Medianet and TV by the Numbers do not need italics. Once those are sorted out it's a pass. Sanders11 (talk) 14:21, 3 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

OK how bout now NoD'ohnuts (talk) 01:35, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Just need to to fix the dates in the references so they're all the same format. Sanders11 (talk) 15:03, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Congratulations, it's a pass :) Sanders11 (talk) 00:00, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks NoD'ohnuts (talk) 19:33, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]