Talk:Siri Nilsen/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: GreatOrangePumpkin (talk · contribs) 11:37, 19 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
There should be more links, like Oslo, folk, pop, acoustic, ballad, Norway, etc
Done Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Her mother is American" - do you know if she has dual citizenship? Maybe she is American-Norwegian.
??. I have not found an answer for that in the sources that I've read. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Vi som ser i mørket (We who see in the dark) in 2009; " - I don't see any meaning of the semicolon; replace it with a comma
OK Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I hardly understand Norwegian, so I need to ask you. When do Norwegians capitalize words? Do they capitalize nouns, for example? Not sure if we need to capitalize translated proper nouns
Even though the italicized record album titles are written to follow Norwegian convention (only proper names are capitalized), I’ve capitalized the corresponding translated titles per English grammar rules - which I’ve noticed is already making the sentences in question more understandable and readable. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Nilsen writes lyrics that are personal" - maybe her lyrics are about her personal life?
I changed the wording on that Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"with various music critics expressing similarity in noting the clarity and range of her voice, describing it in terms such as unique, beautiful, melancholic, and innocent." - that should be reworded
Done Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Nilsen plays ukulele in a string-plucking style" - isn't that obvious?
My thinking on that was to include it for readers of this article who have never heard Nilsen before. In describing her sound I wanted to differentiate between what most people often associate ukulele playing with: a tinny-sounding strumming stereotyped in television and film as always Hawaiian - or else this variation of strumming: [1]; versus what her fingerpicking technique actually sounds like as demonstrated in the second track here: [2] I ended up rewriting that phrase. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"both acoustically and with the backing of a band." - this should be rewritten
Done Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

These are just examples. Article should be copyedited; I suggest requesting it at WP:GOCE/REQ.
I'll submit it. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Before I make a final review, please fix those issues:
In "Voice acting roles" there should be more wikilinks, eg "Star Wars: The Clone Wars"

Printed publications, such as The Guardian, should be italicized

And words such as "Spellemannprisen " should be in normal typeface

In "Voice acting roles", names don't sort correctly -> use {{sortname}}

Sentences can be easily merged together, eg "She is the daughter of Norwegian folk singer Lillebjørn Nilsen. Her mother is American. " It doesn't sound great.--♫GoP♫_T ^C _N 13:27, 25 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
OK that's done Evenrød (talk) 11:11, 31 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
Norwegian sources should be checked for reliability
I've done that as I researched sources for the article. I don't know how reliable the two sources are for her voice acting roles however. There aren't contradictions between them however. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

All Norwegian references should have a language parameter
Do you mean (in Norwegian) on every reference? I've designated language=Norwegian on each ref so far. Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Imdb and Youtube are unreliable
Took them out Evenrød (talk) 06:58, 31 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Checklinks check: ok
Dabsovler check: ok
Fixed dashes
On hold for 7 days. Until those issues are resolved, I will continue my review. ♫GoP♫_T ^C _N 16:57, 28 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

copy edit complete

I just wanted to let the reviewer and nominator know that I responded to the request made at the Guild of Copy Editors to copy edit this page. I clean up some of the grammar and punctuation, and I rearranged some sentences to form better paragraphs and to help the flow a little bit. As far as the prose is considered, I think it satisfied GA criteria. I did find one item that I believe requires a citation; I will leave the rest of the article considerations to the GA reviewer. --Tea with toast (話) 22:47, 14 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

citation

I will probably bundle footnotes for that sentence in the lead paragraph. Thank you for the excellent copy edit. Evenrød (talk) 14:34, 16 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

and..

In rereading the different sourced music reviews I'm seeing that the adjective, "melancholic" and what is meant by "personal lyrics/expression" (adding it back in) needs to be better defined within the article (the reviewer having already pointed out the latter) to show a more three-dimensional portrait, but mostly to just make it more understandable to readers. It's bad etiquette to figure this out after the copy edit, :( but I think that the clarifications will end up being positive. I'm not going to be able to do it for a few days. Evenrød (talk) 17:54, 17 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]