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Talk:Sierra Leone at the 2004 Summer Olympics/GA1

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Reviewer: Dom497 (talk · contribs) 00:51, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Haven't reviewed a nomination in a while. Might as while get back into it!--Dom497 (talk) 00:51, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Review

[edit]
  • "Sierra Leone participated in eight summer Olympic games" - In the title of the article, summer is capitalized. Which one is it?
  • This is more of a pet-peeve of mine (so you don't have to do it...I'm just laying it out there for consideration), put citations at the end of the sentence rather than right in the middle.
    • I have done so.
  • "The highest number of Sierra Leonean athletes participating in a summer games is fourteen in the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow, Russia and the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, USA." - The way I'm reading it, this sentence doesn't flow well with the previous sentence...it feels like a random fact thrown into the middle of the paragraph. Also, instead of USA, put United States of America or United States.
    • Removed this sentence. I believe that the background should be about THIS Olympics rather than the history of Sierra Leone at the Summer Olympics.
  • The same goes with the next sentence. It just doesn't read right.
    • Unsure about this one however. Going to remove for now, but if you want it added elsewhere then please do let me know.
  • "Sierra Leone was represented by one male athlete at the 2004 Olympics in athletics. This man was Lamin Tucker, a 100 metre sprinter." - Already stated twice beforehand.
  • "He competed in the men's 100 metres race..." - Again, is men's supposed to be capitalized or not? It is in the Background section but isn't here.
    • Capitalized.
  • "...on August 21..." - Lead uses a different date format. Make sure all dates use the same format.
    • Fixed.
  • "...competing against eight other athletes in the seventh heat" - This is more of a "if you want to" thing, maybe say "seventh of ??? heats". Or you can just say last heat if he was in the last.
    • I think you have mistaken heats for lanes. Heats mean round one and he was in the seventh of ten heats.
  • "He finished the race in 10.72 seconds, finishing sixth of the eight finishing entrants." - "Finishing/finished" used 3 times in one sentence. I'm sure you can take 2 of them out.
    • Changed the second finishing to ranking and removed the last finishing.
  • "Overall, Tucker was ranked 61st out of the 84 athletes that competed and was 0.38 seconds slower than the slowest athlete that progressed to the next round and therefore, that was the end of his that was the end of his competition." - Run-on sentence. Can easily be split into two sentences. Oh, and "that was the end of his" is duplicated.
    • Fixed.
  • "Hawanatu Bangura was notable for being the flag bearer for the Opening Ceremony..." - Notable for being a flag bearer?
    • Rewritten to: "Hawanatu Bangura was notable for holding the Sierra Leone flag at the opening ceremony" Oh and yes, opening ceremony should not be capitalized.
  • "She competed in the 100 meters..." - Yet again, 100 m or 100 meters?
    • Should be 100 meters.
  • "finishing seventh of the eight entrants" - Just say "finished in seventh place" or something like that given that you already established their were 8 participants in the previous sentence.
    • Fixed.
  • Ref 12 does support this statement: "Overall, Bangura was 0.68 seconds behind the slowest athlete that progressed to the quarter-finals and therefore she did not advance". Perhabs having a second reference to this would help?
    • Indeed it would.

@Good888: All easy fixes. On hold for 7 days.--Dom497 (talk) 02:21, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Dom497: Thanks for the review. To be honest, everyone appears to be reviewing my Olympic articles all at once! Nonetheless, I will address these issues as soon as possible. good888 (talk) 09:18, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I have addressed all bar the sixth and the last issues as I have run out of time. They will be addressed once I get more time. good888 (talk) 10:01, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I believe I have addressed every issue now. Let me know if you have more concerns. good888 (talk) 11:39, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
All looks good. Passing!!!--Dom497 (talk) 18:15, 28 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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