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Talk:Shukri al-Quwatli/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Seattle (talk · contribs) 02:50, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review the article. Seattle (talk) 02:50, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • File review:
Done. --Al Ameer (talk) 22:07, 9 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Done. --Al Ameer (talk) 22:07, 9 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Done. --Al Ameer (talk) 22:21, 9 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Done. --Al Ameer (talk) 22:21, 9 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are some inconsistencies in the references. Reference 13, there is no Roberts in the article. References 13, 21, 27, 29, need a year. Make all book references link to the original source in the bibliography.
  • He received a hero's funeral in Damascus on 1 July. What is a "hero's funeral"? If it's not a specific term, I would introduce a more neutral wording.
Done. --Al Ameer (talk) 22:07, 9 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Quwatli is remembered by Syrians as one of their country's most renowned leaders. "renowned" introduces bias, see WP:PEACOCK
Removed. --Al Ameer (talk) 22:07, 9 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I will finish the review some time later today. Seattle (talk) 13:36, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

  • You can merge "17 August 1943 – 18 April 1948" and "18 April 1948 – 30 May 1949" in the infobox to one time span as is common in other political biographies.
  • at the prestigious preparatory high school "prestigious" is a WP:PEACOCK term.
  • The restrictions of the Abdul Hamid II era, however, started to be felt around the Ottoman Empire, and discontent was brewing even among the empire's elite. What does this mean? What "restrictions", what "discontent"? Be more specific.
  • Can you link "deputies of Damascus" somewhere?
  • a harsh policy of Turkification remove "harsh", it introduces bias.
  • Removed.
  • were a family of wealthy merchants, who prospered replace "prospered", it introduces bias.
  • Done.
  • the prestigious district remove/replace "prestigious", it's not neutral.
  • The family's notable status remove "notable", it's not neutral.
  • In this case, notable status signified they were a part of the notable class, which is how the sources describe the family.
  • was invested in buying large swathes. Would replace "swathes" with a more neutral word.
  • of nationalist notable Said al-Dalati remove "notable" again.

Right now, before I review any more of this article, I'm tempted to quick fail this article as an infringement of WP:GACR, point four. The article appears to be laced with words to watch and that makes me distrust the information presented on the whole. Seattle (talk) 16:27, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I don't think that should be a reason to dismiss the article as a whole. The article is sourced to reliable sources and with the exception of certain biased adjectives, the article itself is neutral. Of course, you can determine that after you've finished the review. I still need to address a couple more of the issues you brought up regarding the images and the bit about the Abdul Hamid era. I've addressed the rest of your points. --Al Ameer (talk) 22:07, 9 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I will review much of the article on my next break. I apologize for my unresponsiveness. Seattle (talk) 18:39, 2 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

  • However, the conference was strongly condemned by the Ottoman authorities, and Arab notables were forbidden from attending. why?
  • Shukri's first confrontation with his Ottoman overlords watch "overlords", and use his last name to describe him. See WP:SURNAME.
  • Jamal Pasha's who is this?
  • Shukri was subjected to even more brutal torture this time around I'd cut "brutal" and give specifics, if possible. Use the last name again.
  • Arab armies under the leadership of T. E. Lawrence and Faisal entered Damascus, and by the end of October the rest of Syria was liberated from the Ottoman Empire "liberated" → "became independent", if that's what the term means.
  • Notable members, other than Quwatli, included' ... remove/replace "notable" here
  • Quwatli rejected the notion of a US Mandate Explain what a "US Mandate" is here.
  • enforce the Sykes–Picot Agreement. Give a half-sentence explaining what the "Sykes–Picot Agreement" is, I'm starting to understand the article and more context would be appreciated.
  • leading the French Mandatory authorities to label Quwatli one of the "most dangerous" Syrian exiles. add a direct citation to support that quote
  • Quwatli, fiercely distrustful of the Hashemites, was impressed by Ibn Saud's swift takeover of Arabia and saw in the Saudis a powerful ally against British and French imperialism in the Middle East watch "fiercely", "swift", and "powerful"
  • he determined he could only remain a major political played by joining the group. major political figure? Played doesn't make sense in that instance
  • Syria, notably convincing LNA leader Sabri al-Asali to join the Bloc's highest governing body. watch "notably"

I'm to the "First presidential term" section. Seattle (talk) 00:28, 3 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

  • Prior to the 1943 national elections in Mandatory Syria what is "Mandatory Syria"?
  • Can you link "Transjordan"?
  • Can you link "Aleppo" somewhere, and explain what it is?
  • Quwatli's allies suffered major losses during the 1947 parliamentary election, the first in post-independent Syria, winning 24 out of 127 seats, while the opposition won 53 seats and independents 50. I would rework to remove "suffered major losses", something like "Quwatli's allies won 24 out of 127 seats during the 1947 parliamentary election, the first in post-independent Syria, while the opposition won 53 seats and independents 50." Who are the "independents" here? Is that a specific party?
  • Who ran against Quwatli for President, or, how was he elected? By Parliament?
  • Following the war, Quwatli would also allege allege → stated
  • US officials were reportedly frustrated at Quwatli for not attempting to stop the demonstrations. a citation is needed here, who reported that US officials were frustrated?
  • Prime Minister Khalid al-Azm was also arrested Did Mardam Bey retire? Why was Khalid al-Azm now Prime Minister? Can you link him?
  • The coup had been backed and allegedly co-planned with the CIA. Statement needs a reference. Change CIA to Central Intelligence Agency.

I'm to the "Third presidential term" section. I'll finish this tomorrow. Seattle (talk) 01:19, 3 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

  • in the 142-member Syrian Parliament to win the contest Remove "the contest", I would call a game a contest, not an election.
  • Quwatli trumped trumped → defeated
  • Syria increasingly moved towards positive neutralism, is "positive" necessary here?
  • In the "Confronting leftist influence" section, can you replace "leftist" with "communist"? Do the references say "communist" or "leftist"?
  • Nonetheless, both leaders privately lambasted lambasted → criticized
  • launched vociferous radio campaign denouncing the Baghdad Pact countries remove "vociferous", add an "a" before radio
  • Not to be sidelined, I'm not sure that phrase is needed here.
  • A hero's funeral was held for him on 1 July what is a "hero's funeral"? Remove "hero" if it's not a specific funeral.
  • On the day of his funeral, Radio Damascus hailed Quwatli as hailed → "called Quwatli"

When you respond to these comments, I would like to ask for a second opinion to ensure the article's neutrality. Seattle (talk) 22:58, 3 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@Al Ameer son: I made my last comments almost four weeks ago; unfortunately, I have to fail this good article nomination due to a lack of activity. Do contact me if or when you have fixed these comments; I will be happy to look over the article again. Seattle (talk) 21:03, 29 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Post-review comments

[edit]

Sorry for my long absence. I've been editing again these past few months and have decided to re-nominate this article. I believe that I've addressed all of @Seattle:'s aforementioned concerns and suggestions. Please see the latest revisions made to the article. Cheers, --Al Ameer (talk) 20:40, 28 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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