Talk:Shrek/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 18:00, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, I'll be reviewing the article!

"But since Farley died in 1997 before he could finish" - poor way to start the sentence. Perhaps - "After Farley died..."?
"Mike Myers was put in to work for the character" - "put in" --> "brought in"?
In the lede, I think you should spell out BAFTA the first time, but it's not crucial
"who loves the solitude in his swamp, finds his life interrupted when many fairytale characters are exiled into his swamp" - could you find a way not to say "his swamp" twice in the same sentence?
" He brings along a talking Donkey (Eddie Murphy)." - is it worth mentioning that Donkey was the only fairytale creature who knew the way to Dulap?

In the movie, wasn't Donkey the only one who knew the way to Dulap? That's the reason that Donkey goes with Shrek, and right now, it's like the two just paired up randomly. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Shrek and Donkey stargaze while Shrek tells stories about great ogres and says that he will build a 10-foot wall around his swamp when he returns." - that's a bit long. Is the first part really relevant to the plot, even? The bit of the wall is good, I suppose, but keep in mind that that people in other countries use metres. Perhaps just say "will build a wall"?
"Shrek interrupts the wedding before Farquaad can kiss Fiona and tells her that Farquaad is not her true love and only marrying her to become king." - another fairly long sentence. Could you split this up with a comma or something?

Could you split this sentence somehow with a comma or semicolon? Right now it's just a barrage of words. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Would you mind adding sources to the "Cast" section?

Thanks so much! Would you mind converting the ref for Fiona/Diaz into a full {{cite news}}: Empty citation (help)? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Because of Myers voicing the character, more ideas began to come; There were clearer story points, fresher gags and comedy bits" - either decapitalize "There" or change the semicolon to a period. Ditto toward the end of the Production section with "Instead of..."
You don't talk about Cameron Diaz replacing Garofalo. When did that happen? Ditto, how did they get Eddie Murphy?

Any word on this? They're both fairly big stars who ended up in the film, figured they would've said something somewhere. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Making Human hair realistic" - any reason "Human" is a capitalized? Also, this sentence could be merged with the subsequent one.

Are you opposed with merging these sentences? - "Making human hair realistic was different from Donkey's fur, requiring a separate rendering system and muchof attention from the lighting and visual effects teams." Like that? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Surely the "Music" section should mention the rock songs in the movie, such as All-Star or Hallelujah (which arguably became much more popular in the 2000s thanks to this film, but that'd require some research). I'd even say that the last paragraph of "Production" could be put here.

Thanks so much for doing this! :) My only recommendation is moving up where you wikilink Rufus Wainwright. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"The scene where Princess Fiona is fighting the Merry Men is a lengthy reference to The Matrix." - perhaps explain which reference? And, maybe say that the Matrix had come out in 1999 (?), to emphasize it just being a few years prior.
You start three paragraphs with of negative reviews, compared to two paragraphs of positive reviews, and yet almost all of them are just quotes. I think the section would be better if you paraphrased some of them, and included similar criticisms together. For example, a paragraph of more positive reviews (or two), and a paragraph or two of the negative reviews. That way it'll flow better.

You still have the positive and negative reviews mixed together. Any reason? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"eleven of them showing them digitally" - don't mix antecedents

By this, I mean don't say "them" twice when "them" means two different things. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"It was nominated for the The Golden Globe" - the the? Find a way to avoid that :P

Any way you could reword this? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"It is also third on Bravo's 100 funniest films" - when was this list?
You should put the link to the Shrek musical at the top of the "Other media" section, so it's not in the middle
"They were however still box office hits" - awkward

The "however still" bit is awkward. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

All in all, the article is decent, but some sections could be improved. I'll put it on hold for seven days, since I don't think it should be too hard to finish all of these. Let me know if you have any questions! ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:00, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Ok i think i fixed most of it, tell me if i missed anything cause some suggestions you wrote i didn't quite understand. Koala15 (talk) 21:30, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, made a few replies. Thanks for fixing what you did so quickly! ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, i think i fixed everything. The negative reviews are in the last paragraph of the critical response section. I couldn't find anything about the casting of Cameron Diaz or Eddie Murphy maybe there's just no story there or no info was ever put out. Koala15 (talk) 20:38, 22 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]