Talk:Shikamaru Nara/GA1
GA Review
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The article is quite well-written and enjoyable to read. I did a bit of copyediting, and three things came up during the review.
- The lead section is supposed to be a summary of the article. Currently, it contains information that is used word-for-word later in the article. The phrasing should be different, and the quotations should be left for the body of the article instead of being used in the lead.
- "if he was a girl, he would marry Shikamaru because he believes he would be successful in life" - too many "he"s, and it's not clear which refers to which character.
- The "Plot overview" section seems a little brief. I am unfamiliar with the character, however, so I will assume good faith if you believe that this is sufficient.
I will place this nomination on hold to allow for these concerns to be addressed and/or discussed. Any questions and/or comments can be left here, as this page is on my watchlist. Best wishes, GaryColemanFan (talk) 23:13, 17 October 2008 (UTC)
- The plot overview has that length to avoid overdetailed information be added as well as only to have his most important parts. I tried to do some fixes per your review but I am still studying English, so my grammar is not very good.Tintor2 (talk) 00:20, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
- You know, it's a courtesy to inform the nominator that his article has been reviewed :p I'm addressing your concerns now. — sephiroth bcr (converse) 02:16, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
- Fixed the lead and that particular sentence. The plot overview is short, but covers the major points, and for a series like this, adding more onto it means "Shikamaru fought character X and beat X with Y technique. Shikamaru then fought..." and you get the point. — sephiroth bcr (converse) 02:22, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
- In the lead, would it be possible to rewrite the "Kishimoto has noted that he likes Shikamaru due to his easygoing nature despite his genius, and contrasted him against Sasuke Uchiha's intelligent but abrasive personality" sentence, as it is almost identical to "Masashi Kishimoto has noted that he likes Shikamaru due to his easygoing nature despite being a genius, and contrasted him against Sasuke Uchiha's intelligent but abrasive personality", which comes near the beginning of the next section. In addition, are there any external links that readers would find helpful? GaryColemanFan (talk) 16:58, 19 October 2008 (UTC)
- Fixed. And there's no external links of note that are relevant to the character that would help in my opinion. — sephiroth bcr (converse) 17:20, 19 October 2008 (UTC)
- Looks good. Thanks for the quick replies. I am promoting the article. If you have a chance, it would be great if you could review an article in return to help cut down on the backlog at WP:GAN. Best wishes, GaryColemanFan (talk) 17:23, 19 October 2008 (UTC)
- Fixed. And there's no external links of note that are relevant to the character that would help in my opinion. — sephiroth bcr (converse) 17:20, 19 October 2008 (UTC)
- In the lead, would it be possible to rewrite the "Kishimoto has noted that he likes Shikamaru due to his easygoing nature despite his genius, and contrasted him against Sasuke Uchiha's intelligent but abrasive personality" sentence, as it is almost identical to "Masashi Kishimoto has noted that he likes Shikamaru due to his easygoing nature despite being a genius, and contrasted him against Sasuke Uchiha's intelligent but abrasive personality", which comes near the beginning of the next section. In addition, are there any external links that readers would find helpful? GaryColemanFan (talk) 16:58, 19 October 2008 (UTC)