Talk:Sheva Alomar/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: TarkusAB (talk · contribs) 13:34, 31 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Design and portrayal

"to combine two qualities, feminine attraction and the strength of a fighting woman" - recommended change: to combine the qualities of "feminine attraction" and the "strength of a fighiting woman"

Appearances

Alomar accepted and, within months, she was speaking fluent English - If my memory serves me right, Alomar has a non-American accent, implying that she didn't learn English in the United States. Are there any details being left out here or is this inconsistency Capcom's fault?

She definitely has a non-American accent in the game. Capcom aren't renowned for consistency in their plotlines. That being said, the source says that after moving to America she "even learn[ed] English to a native level in a mere six months". It doesn't explicitly say she didn't speak English to some degree before moving there though. Happy to reword this in any manner you see fit accordingly. Freikorp (talk) 01:23, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

If that's the case, I think the current wording is the best we are gonna get. TarkusAB^talk 02:09, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

In 2012, GamesRadar's Matt Cundy found her BSAA uniform to be one of the most practical outfits in the series, describing her as "the absolute antithesis of vulnerable, Sheva is a walking fortress that is equal parts kick-ass and intimidating feminine sexuality,"[24] and Lisa Foiles of The Escapist praised Alomar among other characters for having a hairstyle that is practical for fighting, unlike many video game heroines.[25] - This passage seems to imply, but does not explicitly state, that other female characters in Resident Evil are often wearing clothing that is not practical for their situation. I think that is a common complaint across the series, so it should probably be mentioned in a little more brief detail here. I could be OK with the current wording though, you wrote the Jill Valentine article so you're probably more familiar with this issue than me.
I picked out some quotes that I think can be re-worded so the quote itself isn't needed. See what you're able to do:

PlayStation: The Official Magazine opined "Sheva isn't just beautiful, she's smart and tough" and her addition "is probably the highlight of the Resident Evil 5 experience"
Portal Play Game considered her as "extremely annoying" during gameplay
Alomar's performance was a bit "hit and miss"
which "immediately objectifies and characterises her"
Alomar "neatly fits the approved Hollywood model of the light-skinned black heroine"
"unlike many AI companions, she's great at getting out of the way when you're moving and shooting, but she's quick to offer assistance when you're running low on health or ammo."

I've tried to reword all of these concerns. The "extremely annoying" quote is actually a translation so probably shouldn't have been in quote marks anyway; I simply removed them. Let me know if you'd like any further improvements. Freikorp (talk) 01:23, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Conclusion

Overall nice job. The most common issue I feel is the excessive quotes, especially in the Reception section. While many of them are necessary, I think others can be worked in to read more smoothly with a little engineering. I will check back later. TarkusAB^talk 17:36, 31 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks so much for your review TarkusAB. I've tried to address all your concerns. Let me know if you have any more. :) Freikorp (talk) 01:23, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Freikorp: OK. Only other suggestion I have is to footnote the japanese name or remove it. Especially since her name isn't native Japanese, this is pretty useless. If people want the Japanese spelling, they can go to the Japanese wiki. Other than that, all links are archived, didn't find any copyvio issues. I think this meets the GA criteria. Pass. TarkusAB^talk 02:09, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Good point about the Japanese translation. Can't believe I missed that haha. Thanks so much for your review. :) Freikorp (talk) 08:46, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]