Talk:Shannon Rutherford/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
How I wished during season 1 that this character would die soon... As far as this GA review goes per WP:GA?,

Image FUR is good, no obvious MOS issues, neutrality and article stability is fine, sources are okay.

The prose is mostly good, and I can't fail this GAN because of the few issues below (or should I say "suggestions"), but I'd still like you to go over the article and attempt to fix them before I pass the article:

south Pacific -> South Pacific
the lead could and should summarize a little more of the non-trivial real-world info (three sentences seems rather short)
several passive sentences (thingA was done by personB) can be turned into active sentences (personB did thingA), do a Ctrl+F search for "by"
some potentially too-colloquial phrases like "Sabrina cuts Shannon off financially", "Shannon forms a plan to con", "she hoards that of Boone's too" should be rephrased for a better encyclopedic tone (I may be too hard on the prose here)
The "Personality" section is pushing ~~WP:SYNTH~~ (edit: actually, it's more WP:PRIMARY) quite a bit and duplicates content from the "Arc" and "Development" section. I know that the other Good and Featured Lost character articles also have a Personality section, so I am not "forcing" ;-) you to get rid of this section. But I am saying that if this was a FAC, this article would get opposed just based on that. This section should really get spiced up with other reviewers' opinions in the long run. The last sentence ("Boone describes her as a "self-centered little bitch".") should also be moved a little more to the front.
"You're just -- you're useless" - use en dashes or em dashes per WP:DASH, but not "--"
"She was written to be a bitch..." - paraphrase the quote afterwards, as there are just too many brackets for a fluent read
"Boone was killed at the end of season one..." - I may be wrong, but if I remember correctly, the producers didn't just kill off Boone to serve Shannon's story, but also to demonstrate that life on the island was dangerous blablabla – the article shouldn't imply otherwise
"commenting "Shannon's ability to "sort-of" understand French" -> the mock-quotes of "sort-of" screw with the whole quote, and I guess apostrophes should be used instead
"On their relationship he adds" -> "On their relationship he added"

I have this article and this GA review on my watchlist, so I'll see when someone edits this article. If you choose to not fix anything within the next seven days, well, I guess I'll just promote this article anyway. :-) But it would be better to have a clean article ID for the GA history. – sgeureka ^t•c 22:11, 28 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Think I've fixed all of that stuff now. I know the "Personality" section isn't great, I personally hate writing them and struggle a bit to do them, but I thought character articles needed one. Also I changed the passive/active sentence structure, I didn't realise the active form is preferable. Sanders11 (talk) 22:50, 28 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

All good now for GA level. Promoted. – sgeureka ^t•c 22:57, 28 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]