Talk:Selphie Tilmitt/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 13:17, 6 October 2021 (UTC)

Comments

• "from Square's (now Square Enix) " this is awkward, can we leave that detail for the main body rather than crowbar it in the lead?

 Done

• "character that character" more awkward reading.

 Done Rewrote the sentence.

• Also "character" appears three times in that sentence.

 Done Rewrote the sentence.

• The two citations in the infobox don't need to be there, in the main body is fine.

Moved the citations to the main body.

• "Kazushige Nojima" is noted as the creator in the infobox but not mentioned/referenced anywhere else.

As the lead writer of FFVIII, Kazushige Nojima appears to be credited as the "creator" for the principal main cast, as with other articles in the series like Squall Leonhart and Rinoa. I added a sentence under the development section about that detail.

• "critics do not" did not?

 Done

• " at 156cm or 5'1 ½ tall" I would use the {{height}} template, which does all the formatting for you.

 Done

• " the United States during" no need to link.

 Done

• "life.[4][3]" ref order.

 Done

• "Quistis have pants" wear pants.

 Done

• "in the Kingdom Hearts series" slightly different link here from the one used in the lead.

Both redirect to the same page or article. But I fixed it as suggested.

• "and running the school's website." unreferenced.

Added reference cited from secondary source.

• "A noteworthy character moment involving" really??

Change "noteworthy" to "recurring". A few of the critics cited on the page brought up her moments with trains, so I thought "noteworthy" might have been the appropriate term.

• "game Kingdom Hearts, Selphie" overlinked.

Fixed.

• Most of "Other appearances" is unreferenced.

All I could find are posts on official social media accounts run by Square Enix employees, but I thought it's might be ok since it's only to verify the character's appearance.

• "fan labor activities" I don't really know what that means.

Introduced a proper explanation of what fan labor is.

• "twenty third" hyphenate.

 Done

• "ranked twelfth place by" no need for place.

 Done

• "seventy third" hyphenate.

 Done

• "responses.[16][26][27] [28] Parish" remove that space amongst the refs.

 Done

• "a lithe fighters like" not quite right.

Rewrote the sentence. I hope it reads better now.

• What is JRPG?

I've replaced it with the full term instead of the acronym.

• Date formats in references should be consistent, e.g. YYYY-MM-DD or DD MMM YYYY, etc.

I tried to fix whatever I could find and make it more consistent. Let me know in case you find anything that I may have missed.

• Ref 9 could use publication and/or access date.

I've added access date, but there is no publication date listed on the link, or on any entries found on behindthevoiceactors.com from what I can see. In most articles that cites "behindthevoiceactors.com", I've noticed that the citation detail contain no further details other then title, website/publisher and access-date.

That's all I have. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 08:06, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

Hi The Rambling Man, I've addressed your concerns to the best extent I knew how to. Do let me know if there's anything further that I should correct or fix. Haleth (talk) 09:25, 11 October 2021 (UTC)