Talk:Selfish Machines/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MusikAnimal (talk · contribs) 17:29, 19 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

This article was nominated almost four months ago... about time to get it off the backlog if you ask me! At first glance it looks good. I'll be busy this following week, but expect my full review by the end of the month. — MusikAnimal ^talk 17:29, 19 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Concerns

Lead

“Ex-A Day to Remember guitarist Tom Denney co-wrote with Fuentes a majority of the songs, as well as some of the music.”

Two things... While not by any means wrong, I think the word former would sound better than ex-. Secondly, it's unclear by this sentence alone exactly what Denney did. It says he wrote some of the songs, and also some of the music – what's the difference? I assume maybe you meant lyrics and not songs?

Background and recording

“By January 11, 2010, the vocals and keyboard tracks had yet to be recorded and that the music for the songs were finished.”

I'm confused as to what this is supposed to mean. The conjunction "and" doesn't seem to make sense. But moreover, similar to the issue in the lead, it's unclear what you mean by "Music," which by definition would include vocals and keyboards. I'm guessing you meant something like: "By January 11, 2010, the vocals and keyboard tracks had yet to be recorded but the album was otherwise complete." How does that sound?

“A studio update posted on February 17 mentioned that Fuentes was still working on the album, and a couple of days later he said there would be "8 days left of recording vocals".”

I have removed the mention of the first update, which I felt was irrelevant. Let me know if you feel otherwise.

I'm afraid I have to stop reviewing at this point as there appears to consistent issues throughout the article, primarily with prose and grammar. Some specifics:

Too many quotes. Quotes are important when attributing biased statements, of which some exist in this article, but I feel like there are just too many quotes in general. Perhaps try to adapt the little, insignificant quotes into prose. See WP:QUOTEFARM for more information. You may also consider removing some things altogether, in that they may not add much value to the article, such as with some of the studio updates.
Grammar is poor. I see problems with tense, syntax, and diction. I can try to clean some of this up myself, but as it stands it looks like there's a lot of work. See #1 of the GA criteria for more on what kind of writing is needed for an article to be promoted to GA.

On the bright side, everything is very well sourced, verifiable and certainly broad in coverage. I'd say it's mainly #1 of WP:GA? that is the issue. MOS:ALBUM may also be of help in improving this article.

N Fail due to overuse of quotes and grammar. — MusikAnimal ^talk 02:38, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]