Talk:Sebastian Grabowiecki
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Verse example
[edit]I recommend adding a citation and translation to the existing verse example. My first attempt is below. Notes:
- The translation is based on Google translate, which was not quite up to the task (I don't know Polish, so I have no idea how terrible this draft might be!) so it clearly must be fixed before being added to the article.
- It currently functions as passable iambic pentameter
(assuming ?? is replaced with an iambic word). If this can be maintained, we'll preserve a reasonable formal, as well as verbal, equivalence. - I've altered "dochodziem" and the 1st-line semicolon, based on my cited source.
Z twej śmierci, Jezu, dochodziem żywota;
Śmierć podejmując dla nas, władzą śmierci
Bierzesz, a z twej k nam miłości tej śmierci
Moc dawasz, co nas wpuszcza do żywota.[1]With thy death, Jesus, is accomplished life;
Death undergoing for us, the power of death
You take, and from thy hand we love this death
Power bestow, which brings us unto life.
References
- ^ "CXLIV: Sonet" lines 1-4, in Grabowiecki 1893, p 136.
Cheers. Phil wink (talk) 23:28, 20 July 2016 (UTC)
- I've now updated the translation, slightly, based on input from Anagram16. (I've used "bestow" as a slightly old-fashioned equivalent to "dawasz" which is likewise old-fashioned.) However, even if the words are now right, the grammar of lines 3 & 4 must be wrong ... or is at least very unclear as it stands. Is this actually talking about Jesus' "loving hand"? Should it maybe read: "...and by thy loving hand from (or by?) death / Power bestow..."? Phil wink (talk) 01:10, 21 July 2016 (UTC)
– where it was evidently intended. Phil wink (talk) 14:50, 21 July 2016 (UTC)
- Done, although improvements are still welcome. Phil wink (talk) 19:00, 21 July 2016 (UTC)
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