Talk:Sean Morrison (footballer)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:44, 12 September 2019 (UTC)

Comments

• Not keen on the single-sentence opening para.
• "spending ... spell" is repeated in consecutive sentences in the lead.
• " club win promotion to the Championship after winning" win winning, perhaps "secure ... winning"?
• "he made his Premier League debut for the side as they suffered relegation." this could be interpreted as he made his debut on the game they were relegated...
• "Championship during the 2017–18 season." I would expect that "season" link to go to the Championship season, not Cardiff's season.
• "Born in Plymouth, Devon, was a keen..." missing a name!
• "he chose to give up athletics" always keen to tighten the prose, any need for "chose to" here?
• "Morrison joined his hometown club Plymouth Argyle," add "in 2006" for temporal context.
• "before being handed a squad" touch colloquial (and what does that really mean to non-experts? Would it be better to say that he was promoted into the first team squad?)
• "in some first-team action" reads journalistic, why not "gain some first-team experience" (unless it's a quote I guess?)
• "Swindon manager Maurice Malpas announced... " that sentence has a few too many run-ons for my liking.
• "in a 2–0 victory" league, cup?
• "led to ... led" in the same sentence, repetitive.
• "In May 2009, Scottish side Celtic saw a joint bid..." I'm guessing the word "rejected" ought to be there?
• "a release-clause" not sure this needs hyphenation.
• "Having made no appearances" reads odd, and contrary to my "tightening" note above, I think "Having failed to make an appearance..." would read better.
• "but,[30] " odd ref placement, put it at the end of the sentence...
• "at Prenton Park[35] " again, never keen on this juxtaposition, wait until the end of the sentence, our readers can do that too.
• " penalty in the play-off final penalty " you know what I'm going to say...
• "keeping him at the club until 2016" not really, best to just stick with the length of the contract he signed...
• QPR - now we both know what that means, but it's usual to put abbreviations after the first use of the expanded version...
• "He finished the season sixteen appearances" missing "with".
• And "season" is repeated in that sentence...
• "an initial fee" any clues on add-ons as this phrase in isolation may confuse non-expert readers...?
• "of Club Captain," no need for the caps.
• "in the Bluebirds starting" who knows what that means? (you and me, but all our readers?)
• "ruling him out for a month.[58] He returned on 5 March" that was more like 2.5 months.....
• "His first goal of the season, against Sheffield United, led to Cardiff to win their three opening games of the season" that's some goal......
• "as well as keeping three clean sheets" well I think only 'keepers can really keep clean sheets, but he could have "helped" keep those clean sheets...
• Do all our readers know what a clean sheet is in this context?
• We have an article for EFL Championship Player of the Month.
• "46 appearances, scoring 4 goals" vs "43 appearances in all competitions, scoring a career high seven goals" be consistent, I would switch that 4 for a four.
• "conceded jointly, the fewest goals" no need for that comma.
• Anything to report at the beginning of this season? I see he's made a few apps?
• "Morrison is eligible to represent both England and the Republic of Ireland ..." can this be explained for those readers who aren't commensurate with the "grandfather" rules etc??
• "as "Courageous," no need for that capital C.
• Ref 44 has two spaced hyphens (!!).

That's all I have, so I'll put the nomination on hold. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 13:30, 13 September 2019 (UTC)

@The Rambling Man: Thanks for taking on another review TRM. Apologies on some of the sloppy stuff here, I must have forgotten to give this a tidy copyedit before nominating. I've addressed all of the issues above, apart from the current season. It's been rather uneventful so far! Thanks. Kosack (talk) 06:42, 14 September 2019 (UTC)

No problem at all Kosack, it's better for me to have something to complain about rather than just a one-line review which says "yep, looks okay to me!". I'll see if I can take a look later today, but I have a busy weekend so it may be a couple of days... we'll see. Cheers, The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 06:43, 14 September 2019 (UTC)

Thanks, no rush. Kosack (talk) 06:47, 14 September 2019 (UTC)

Cool, no issues now, so I'm promoting. Great work. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 10:03, 14 September 2019 (UTC)