Talk:Sealyham Terrier/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MathewTownsend (talk · contribs) 21:40, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lede

"The Sealyham Terrier is a small terrier which has origins in hunting in Wales." - which originated? as a hunting dog?

Changed to "The Sealyham Terrier is a small terrier which originated in Wales as a working dog. Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"It is principally white-bodied rough coated breed, which was developed originally by in the mid to late 18th century by Captain John Edwardes at Sealyham House, Pembrokeshire. - a white-bodied, rough-coated breed, developed originally in the mid to late ... ?

Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"A surge in popularity after the First World War led to it being associated with the actors and actresses of the Hollywood film industry, as well as Princess Margaret ..." - led to its association with Hollywood stars, and with Princess Margaret ...?

Modified the line as below, and replaced "Princess Margaret" with "members of the British Royal Family". Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

This is unclear. How did the surge in popularity lead to its association with film stars and Princess Margaret?

Changed to "Following the First World War it had a surge in popularity and was associated with Hollywood stars" Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"They are a predominantly white breed, with a double coat, and are traditionally docked" - It is a predominantly white breed, with a double coat, and its tail is traditionally docked?

Removed the line - realized I'd mentioned that it was a white breed already. Miyagawa (talk)

"They are equally able to be a family dog, as they are a working terrier, given the right training. " -It is - as it is a working terrier if given the right training.

Changed to "They are equally able to be a family dog; and as a working terrier, given the right training". Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

History

"Sealyhams were developed by Captain John Edwardes, at Sealyham House, Pembrokeshire, between 1850 and 1891 in order to be used as pest control to eliminate rabbits, rats and other vermin." - The breed was developed between 1850 and 1891 by Captain John Edwardes, at Sealyham House, Pembrokeshire. They were originally used for pest contol to eliminate rabbits, rats and other vermin.?

Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"It is thought that the ..." - who thought? - avoid passive voice if at all possible.

Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"have all played a part in the make up of the ... " - ~~have~~ all played a part

Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"He wanted a small white dog with a strong jaw, and a wiry coat." Who? John Edwardes? Why did he care about the color of the coat if he was developing them for pest control?

Changed it to make it clear in the next sentence. Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"The white coat was particularly prized, as it meant that the hunter wouldn't mix the dogs up with the quarry" - hunting hasn't been mentioned under history, just pest control.

Changed the earlier line to read "eliminate small game and vermin". Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"After being shown for the first time in 1903, the Sealyham Terrier club was created in 1908" - dangling modifier - it was not the club that was shown.

Changed to "After the breed was shown..." Miyagawa (talk) 22:54, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Please copy edit article before I go further.

Please read through the article for copy editing errors.
I will complete a further review once this is done. Perhaps getting a copy editor to help you would be the way to go. I'll put this on hold for seven days and see how the article progress. Please feel free to contact me with questions or feedback.

GA review-see WP:WIAGA for criteria (and here for what they are not)

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose: clear and concise, correct spelling and grammar:
see examples above

B. Complies with MoS for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
weasel words "it is thought
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Provides references to all sources:

B. Provides in-line citations from reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Main aspects are addressed:

B. Remains focused:
Does it follow the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

I will review again after it's been copy edited. That seems to be the main problem and the rest seems ok. Meanwhile, I'll place it on hold.

MathewTownsend (talk) 22:22, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reply In "History", hunting is still not mentioned as a reason for developing the breed; the reader only finds out amidst the discussion of the white coat.

Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 13:09, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Also, there are simple spelling errors. Please review the article for spelling and prose. I provided examples only.

I've copied and pasted the entire article into Word and spell checked it, and it came up with no errors. Miyagawa (talk) 13:09, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Informal language like "wasn't" is too casual for an encyclopedia

Reworded, and also replaced an instance of "it's". Miyagawa (talk) 13:09, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Please fix run-on sentences like this one: Deciding that he wanted a better hunting dog than the Sealyhams that were bred for conformation showing, he cross-bred the dogs with the Norfolk Terrier, resulting in a breed of dog he called the Lucas Terrier, which he described as "death to rats and rabbits"'

Fixed, and also fixed one further follow on sentence under Health. Miyagawa (talk) 13:09, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

These are examples only. Again, please go through the article yourself, or get someone else to do it. I will continue the review after you have done so.

MathewTownsend (talk) 00:49, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reevaluation after fixes

1. Well written?:

"According to the Kennel Club - is this the UKC? If so, you show use full name linked and (UKC) on first use.

This refers to The Kennel Club. It's the original club in the UK, and so doesn't have a prefix like the other clubs. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"Sealyhams measurements vary by breed standard according to particular countries. According to the Kennel Club" - according to, according to

Reworded to avoid the repetition. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"The coat can come with or without markings on the face" - clumsy

Reworded to "Markings on the face can be...". Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"full of character" - what does this mean?

Replaced character with personality. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I have made these additional edits[1] but feel free to change if incorrect.

2. Factually accurate?:

3. Broad in coverage?:

Addresses only the UK (besides Hollywood stars) - what about the rest of the world? The rest of the US even?

It's predominantly only a rare British breed. Other than the UK and the US, I doubt that there are more than a handful of these dogs elsewhere. Certainly there doesn't seem to be an official website for an Australian or New Zealand based breed club. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"The Sealyham Terrier now is recognised by all of the major kennel clubs in the English-speaking world." - nothing more is said. The state of the Sealyham needs a global perspective, at least "English-speaking world".

I've added the registration statistics collected by the American Kennel Club as well. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"one of the best known Welsh breeds" - everywhere? In England? - this is the first direct mention that it is a Welsh breed.

Its Welsh origins are mentioned in the first line of the lead and the first paragraph of the history section. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"The Sealyham surged in popularity after the First World War." - everywhere?

Added "in the UK and the United States" at the end of that sentence. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

4. Neutral point of view?:

Seems focused narrowly on England, while implying the breed is world wide in the English-speaking world.

5. Article stability?:

6. Images?:

Overall:

Comment

The article is in much better condition now. Just needs the issue of focus cleared up. Either it's primarily an English dog and make that clear, or provide coverage of it in other parts of the world.

Best, MathewTownsend (talk) 18:42, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reply

You say above: "It's predominantly only a rare British breed. Other than the UK and the US, I doubt that there are more than a handful of these dogs elsewhere." Shouldn't you put in the lede that is a rare British breed only occasionally seen elsewhere - some wording to that effect? (That's what seems to be the case.) Then you don't have to worry about putting in information about the rest of the world - just the Hollywood stars and other outliers. MathewTownsend (talk) 19:56, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
All concerns remedied. Article pass! MathewTownsend (talk) 22:31, 8 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]