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Talk:School Days (video game)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Crisco 1492 (talk · contribs) 07:26, 20 May 2012 (UTC) I'll be reviewing this. I'm not a big fan of visual novels, but I hate backlog even more. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 07:26, 20 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

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Rate Attribute Review Comment
1. Well-written:
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. see below
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. Fine
2. Verifiable with no original research:
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. Fine
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). Fine
2c. it contains no original research. Fine
3. Broad in its coverage:
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. See below
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). Fine
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. Fine
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. Only constructive edits
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. See below
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. Images generally are not purely decorative. See caveat below.
7. Overall assessment. Pending

Comments

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Complete

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Lede"
  • Drama - Drama film? How does this apply?  Done
  • Huh? What's with the complete change in genres?
  1. There isn't an appropriate article for the Drama genre (one centered on emotional themes of characters, such as in this case, infidelity, jealousy, malice, etc) except for drama film (which specifically discusses the genre in film) so I thought that was the point you were making and removed it. I chose Adventure as a replacement since an article exists that describes it in visual novels. I'll put Harem back; I had removed that since I thought it might be too more-or-less a subgenre of erotica (since most games of this type revolve around interactions with female characters).
  • So should Drama go back, maybe just n
  • Just not film, right
  • "a dramatic slice-of-life, follows the life of Makoto Ito, " - Repetition.  Done
  • "a nonlinear plot that they are given opportunities to change the course of during play." - "a nonlinear plot that they can change the course of during play."  Done
  • If we're at removing stuff, I'd much prefer keeping "a nonlinear plot" on its own.
  1. I didn't actually ever notice the redundancy until you pointed it out. I worded the sentence before the way I did because the game is indeed nonlinear, as the story doesn't follow one direction and lead to one ending. However unlike games that rely on actions (like the Fable series), visual novels present the player with actual choices that will directly influence the game past that point. I felt this gives players more of an "opportunit[y] to change" the game rather than, say, unknowingly.
  • "The game ranked as the best-selling visual novel sold in Japan" - A way to avoid the repetition of "sell - sold"?  Done
Gameplay
  • "a varying combination of French kissing, masturbation, oral sex and intercourse, with pixelized censors over genitals" - Perhaps "a varying combination of French kissing, masturbation, oral sex and intercourse, with the genitals pixelized" Done
  • "In another called "Eternally", a character commits suicide by falling off the roof of a school," - Falling or jumping?  Done
  • "a couple share a heartwarming embrace in a hotel room as snow falls around a surrounding cityscape." - Is "heartwarming" in the scene, or is it a judgment?  Done
  • "Because of the numerous alternate endings that can be achieved, players who wish to watch additional endings, and notably aforementioned sex scenes, will have to play through the game more than once." - Obvious for those familiar with visual novels (although it's not quite "playing" when one skips everything...), but having a source would be better.  Done
Plot
  • Perhaps this could be expanded a bit, or renamed "premise"? To be honest, the "Characters" section reads like a much better plot section.  Not done
  1. So I was going over the Plot/Character section and thought of a (hopefully) acceptable way to merge the two:

His new and upbeat desk partner, Sekai takes a special interest in Makoto's newfound crush for Kotonoha, befriending the two and providing them the grounds to meet. In spite of her proud and triumphant efforts however, Sekai becomes jealous of the new couple, having also developed feelings for Makoto.

  • You don't need a reference for this.  Done
Development
  • "School Days would be 0verflow's tenth game to develop." - Conditional? What happened? Perhaps "School Days was the tenth game developed by 0verflow."  Done
  • Miss Each Other - Worth a redlink?  Done
  • I guess trimming is okay.
  1. I decided to trim the game out because it wasn't that notable of a release for the company (therefore not worth mentioning), neither was it localized in English and the chances of finding reliable sources (in the event someone did decide to make an article for it) would be scarce.
  • "the most ideal location" - Why?  Done
  • "Computer Entertainment Rating Organization" - A note that this is the Japanese rating board, and a definition of what "C" entitles, would be useful for the average reader.  Done
  • 15-or-older for hardcore sex in Japan? Didn't know that (no action required)
  1. "School Days L×H, a PlayStation 2 (PS2) port that would not contain sexual content." Because the game was being ported to a home console system, the sexual content would need to be removed in order for it to be age-appropriate for the (mostly teenage) target audience.
  • "School Days HQ in English is expected to be released in 2012" - What's the expectation now? A month, perhaps?  Not done
  1. The official English website labels the game as "coming to you in 2012." Both the original developer and re-developer have yet to announce a more finalized date.
  • Alright, sounds fine for now.
Sequels
  • "The first, a spin-off titled Summer Days, was released on June 23, 2006, and retells the original story from the perspective of Setsuna Kiyoura had it occurred during summer vacation." - I get what you're saying, but it's rather unclear. Perhaps "The first, a spin-off titled Summer Days, was released on June 23, 2006, and retells the original story, as if it had occurred during summer vacation, from the perspective of Setsuna Kiyoura" or something similar.  Done
  1. Reassess for clarity.
  • Acceptable.
Sales
  • Getchu.com - Websites probably shouldn't be italicised.  Done
  • "According to Gamasutra, a video gaming news site, School Days L×H ranked as the number one PlayStation 2 game sold for January 2008." - What about the PSP version?  Not done
  1. Pending work.
Anime
  • "when 0verflow announced via their blog that information about the show had been posted on its then-live website." - The show's website or 0verflow's?  Done
  • Good, perhaps a footnote (like at 1740 Batavia massacre; sorry, can't think of a video game example) indicating the site is no longer live.
  • "was published into six limited and regular edition DVDs containing two episodes each." - This reads awkward to me, but can't think of a way to rephrase it.  Done
  1. Reassess for clarity.
  • Published - compiled, perhaps?
  1. Publishing is a more accurate term, but if you feel the sentence would be more reader-friendly to those unfamiliar with technicality, "compiled" is fine.
  • "UK Anime Network " - Which is?  Done
  • "THEM Anime Reviews" - Which is?  Done
Delay
  • "News sources such as The Japan Times and Mainichi Shimbun reported on the killing on September 19." - If they are drawing a connection between the incident and the delay, it should be noted in-text.  Done
  • Not perfect, but fair.
  • "Mainichi Shimbun" - Which is?  Done
  • "Google Trends recorded a spike in "Nice Boat" searches around the third-quarter of 2007" - With or without the period?  Not done
  1. Both with and without the period show the aforementioned spike, however the latter shows consistency to 2012 while the former ends in 2007.
  • Okay.
  • "Magical Heart Kokoro-chan" - Should be noted that this is a School Days episode.  Done
  1. Possible redundancy, as the episode was mentioned in the "Anime" section above "Delay".
  • Good point. Don't think most readers will remember that, but I agree that it seems redundant.
Soundtracks
  • "and the remaining forty-two background scores by KIRIKO/HIKO Sound on September 26." - Another album? Title?
  1. Same album. I can see how it would read like it was a separate release (because of the detailed length of singers) so I removed them. Reassess for clarity.
  • ""School Days Drama CD Vol. 1 Himitsu Hanazono" (ヒ・ミ・ツの花園), a merrymaking of the series six main girls, was released on August 8" - Year?  Done
Merchandise
  • "material such as the girl's school uniform and plastic dōzuki." - Which girl's, or all of them?
  1. The apostrophe is probably confusing because it indicates possession. All the girls wear the same school uniform.  Done
  1. Girls' (belonging to more than one or all of the girls), girl's (belonging to one girl). Which one?  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 06:42, 24 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Based on your edit, I'm thinking girls'

3

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  • No reviews of any of the games whatsoever? I'd expect at least one at B-class. GA should have more.
  1. Most if not all the English-language reviews I found on the game are unreliable, composed mostly of fan-made blogs or amateur journalism sites. None of the resources provided in the 'Visual novels task force' page also review the game. I'll scrape the net for whatever I can find but reviews might just have to come from the English release.
  1. What about Japanese reviews?
  1. I've tried looking for reliable Japanese sources on these kinds of games, but haven't been successful. Even GameSpot Japan doesn't have a review for the PS2 and PSP ports. I don't think visual novels are always considered genuine video games by the industry, even when titles happen to get ported to recognized game systems (hence why some GA articles like Shuffle! and Clannad don't have game reviews), so reporting on them isn't always a priority. I'll keep an eye out as I continue on the article but I don't think I'm going to find much.

Work-in-progress

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6

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  • File:SchoolDays.png should probably be trimmed to 300px wide.  Done
  • File:Schooldaysscreen.jpg - What use does this have in the gameplay section? I'd expect something showing a choice screen, as that is essentially what is "played"
  1. Point made. I'll find a more appropriate screen.
  2. Because the game is presented more like an anime than a traditional visual novel, I've had some difficulty finding a choice screen. Worst case, would a screen with text be acceptable, like this: http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg217/TheRealValce/sd_screen_001.jpg
  1. 300px wide good?
  1. Another good point. Probably just worth deleting. I removed it from the article and flagged for speedy deletion.

Further discussion

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I can't find any consistent information on it. --Valce Talk 09:46, 28 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • After examining the secondary image I provided, the text on-screen are not selections, but dialogue. Because the criteria for passing this article off as a GA relies on the Gameplay image being a selection screen (though I would contend that other GA articles of this kind of subject contain samples of game footage), I can compromise and simply remove the image until a more appropriate one can be found. --Valce Talk 03:09, 29 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • It's not necessary to have a choice screen, but as it is in the gameplay section such an image would have a much better chance of passing the FUC. Now, if there were a section on visual styles... — Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:56, 29 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ok, I removed the picture; I'll add a choice screen when I can find one (I think I'll download the School Days HQ demo sometimes and play through it until I get to a choice screen). I appreciate you helping me through the article and also with the time; I know this review extended over a week but I thank you for being patient.--Valce Talk 21:09, 30 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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