Talk:Scarygirl/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Status (talk · contribs) 16:24, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Like Hell Yeah! Wrath of the Dead Rabbit, the lead is going to need some expansion. I will look over it once that is done.
"Bunnyguru offers a vision of a city far away from the girl's home." → A vision?
"the titular character" → This really doesn't need to be said again.
"Scarygirl received mixed reviews upon its release, with a Metacritic score of 66 for the PlayStation 3 and 63 for the Xbox 360." → Don't really like how the Metacritic score is worded in this sentence. Maybe split them into two and say something along the lines of: "The game received a Metacritic score of 66 for the PlayStation 3 and a 63 for the Xbox 360."
Too much use of the word "saying" in reception; wrote and stated could be used instead (I don't think that the word "say" should be used at all).
Some sentences read awkwardly (and are too long), such as "Critics praised the game's visuals, with Nathan Meunier of GamesRadar saying that "Scarygirl really stands out as one of the more visually impressive and creatively designed downloadable offerings in recent memory.", and Peter Eykemans of IGN saying that "the art highlights the journey" and that "the overall aesthetics are beautiful."."
"...in a highly critical review that gave the game a score of three out of ten..." → Generally, we don't write out the scores that a reviewer gave something (whether it to be a game, a film, a song, an album...), that's what the review box is for.
"Perfection" → Words like this should not be capitalized when quoted in the middle of a sentence.
I'll look over the reception section some more after some copyediting is done. Mainly, the first paragraph has issues.

- ~~I'll get to this in a little while.~~ Done.
- Vision is the best way to describe it, I think. Bunnyguru is a mystic that speaks in picture-filled speech bubbles instead of words.
- Removed
- Sure, why not. Done.
- Swapped out the first and third instances of "saying" for "stating". Didn't want all thee to be the same, or I'd have too many "stating" and we'd be in the same spot as before.
- I do that sometimes. Fixed.
- The reason I stated it is that it's a very, very low score for a game, especially one with a Metacritic score in the sixties. Removed it though.
- Fixed.
- I think I got those.
- Thanks for the review. Sven Manguard Wha? 16:22, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - No problem! I've done a few more tweaks to the article. Great work, I'm passing the article! — Statυs (talk, contribs) 01:23, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.