Talk:Sayaka Miki/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Tintor2 (talk · contribs) 15:50, 2 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hello. Sorry for the big delay. I'll be reviewing this article. It looks like in nice shape so most of the issues I might find are easy. I managed to understand the article well despite me having never watched Madoka.Tintor2 (talk) 15:50, 2 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Okay let's start with the lead and infobox:

From what I read the first paragraph includes almost everything she does in the television series. While Wikipedia has no problems with spoilers, the lead is just meant to serve as an introduction to the character in the same fashion as a formal letter. The content "As the story progresses, Sayaka learns what it means to be a magical girl and struggles with her ideals of justice. She eventually loses faith in her ideals and herself, which leads to her downfall." sounds like the last things she does in the series. I'm not familiar with the series but I get this feeling when reading her appearances section.
- So what do you suggest? Should I just remove the sentence? NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 13:02, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yep. That's the best choice for an introduction.
    - Done NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
In the second paragraph state who is Urobuchi. I'm pretty he is the writer but it is not explained.
- Done NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 13:02, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
In the third paragraph explain a bit what's her mental breakdown.
- Changed "mental breakdown" to "descent into despair" to make it easier to understand, and to fit the reception section.NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 13:02, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The infobox does not need references unless you are citing controversial information.
- YRemoved NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 13:02, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I don't know about the images but who is Sasagi Koushi? Generally, the original artist's drawings are preferred over others'.
- Sasagi Koushi is the illustrator for Magia Record game. There is this artwork by her original character designer Ume Aoki, source from Madoka Rebellion official website. I originally wanted to add this artwork but I added the Magia Record one because I thought it's more suitable. However, I'd gladly change the current lead image to Ume Aoki's artwork if you'd like. NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 13:02, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@NotEnglishSpeaker: That's all for the lead and infobox. Will continue checking the next sections when you check this information. Although I have this on my watchlist, remember to ping my username in case I don't see it. Nice work.Tintor2 (talk) 16:24, 2 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Tintor2: Thanks for the review! Looking forward to your replies. NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 13:02, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Creation

The first mention of Urobuchi in the body is unexplained. Simply add "series writer Gen Urobuchi" to make it easier to understand.
- Done NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Urobuchi created Sayaka and based her personality on an "Urobuchi character", unlike the series protagonist, Madoka Kaname, who follows the style of character designer Ume Aoki's characters." This is quite confusing. What's an Urobuchi character? I mean I have created Urobuchi character articles like Akane Tsunemori and Shinya Kogami yet they are quite different. And what's the contrast to Aoki's style?
- Urobuchi stated that Madoka is an unusual character for his writing style and he had her personality based on Ume Aoki characters, while Sayaka is more typical for his writing style and her personality was based on an "Urobuchi character". I tried to clarify the sentence. Does it make more sense now? NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
In the third paragraph Yume Aoki is linked for the second time in the same section.
- Done NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Urobuchi said that he developed her role in Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie: Rebellion " Are these the compilation movies? They need to be explained since it's their first mention in the body. Also remember to include the year of the movie if it is a single entry.
- Done NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Voice acting seems to be well written. I managed to understand the entire section.
The character section seems a bit wp:plot while the design is already mentioned above by the creators. I would suggest merging it with appearances considering we are dealing similar information. That'd might make appearances easier to follow too.
- How about placing it inside appearances? At least I was adviced when dealing with Allen Walker whose background was explained late in the series.
  - I think I'll place it under the appearances section later. NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Mami's death mention seems kinda random. Can you bring a bit of context to it?
- Done NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@NotEnglishSpeaker: Will check following sections later. Keep up the good work.Tintor2 (talk) 16:05, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Appearances

Introduce Kyosuke.
"over their ideals and they try to kill each other before" This sounds quite important but it seems like it needs an explanationabout what are those ideals
What's a Grief Seed?
Explain what's Puella Magi Madoka Magica the Movie: Rebellion (sequel, retelling?) and add the year.
Remember to use present tense in fiction unless it is relative to a flashback.
"The novel details how Sayaka met with Madoka and formed a friendship with her, becoming her childhood friend" Use present tense for fiction
Let's go over cultural impact onwards later.Tintor2 (talk) 02:25, 4 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- @Tintor2: Hey, I'm quite busy these days so I'll try addressing the issues (for the appearances section) later if you don't mind. NotEnglishSpeaker (talk) 00:41, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@NotEnglishSpeaker: No problem. I understand these are complicated days for many I'll wait for the next ping.Tintor2 (talk) 00:47, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

So since the user is has been busy and not other editors I asked worked into it, I'm failing this. Feel free to renominate it again once you have more time.Tintor2 (talk) 15:46, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]