Talk:Saved from the Titanic/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Moswento (talk · contribs) 14:03, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this one. Depending on my weekend schedule, I may not get round to it before next week, but I very much look forward to the experience when I get there. Lost films are fascinating. Moswento ^talky 14:03, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, I'll look forward to seeing what you have to say about it. :-) Prioryman (talk) 22:34, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Firstly, great work! I thoroughly enjoyed reviewing this article - as well as being well-written, every aspect of this film and its history is fascinating. Overall, it's so close to GA status, I can almost taste it. Specifically:

Scope - There's nothing major that's missing. I think it loses focus once or twice in terms of going into too much detail about Dorothy's life - see comments below.
Prose - Mostly of very good quality, just a few (minor) comments and queries below. No evidence of plagiarism, bias etc.
Images - These all check out. I love the Gibson publicity photo!
References - No problems here. Everything looks reliable. I don't have access to all of them, but I'm happy to assume good faith on the basis of what I can see.
What all this means in a nutshell is - If you could respond to my comments below, I would very happily promote this to GA. Good work! Moswento ^talky 13:34, 11 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Good stuff! Thanks for your replies to my review - I'm now very happy to promote this to GA status. Congratulations and keep up the good work! Moswento ^talky 16:10, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"which stood in for Titanic." - I think this comment is redundant; we assume this is what the ship was used for

OK, I've trimmed it. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"opened in the United States" - I'm wondering if the more usual "premiered" would be better than "opened"?

Good idea, done. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Gibson was subsequently involved in a scandal after she accidentally killed a man in the car of the movie producer with whom she had co-written the film and with whom she was having an affair." - this isn't necessary in the lead, and possibly not in the article at all (see below)

Trimmed. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Le voyage

"deck beginning to list " - I'm wondering if, as this is a non-nautical topic, a non-technical alternative for "list" might be better (tilt/lean e.g.)

This came up during the FAC for Sinking of the RMS Titanic; consensus was that "list" was the appropriate term and that tilt/lean would not be. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" She fetched her mother " - this confused me until I checked the source, because she was sharing a cabin with her mother. Worth clarifying that she had decided to investigate the noise

Done. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Making of the film

Do you think "Production" would be a better title for this section?

Yes, that's definitely better - changed the title. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"He had an advantage that no other studio in the world possessed – a leading actress who was a survivor and eyewitness to what had happened. " - the first part of this sentence sounds like an advert or a newspaper. Perhaps something simpler like "He had a unique advantage" would be better.

OK, reworded. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"It is more likely that Brulatour persuaded her that the disaster offered an opportunity to advance her career." - "more likely" according to who? Is there a general consensus? Is this based on one person's perspective? I think this needs clarification and a footnote immediately afterwards.

I've attributed this. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" derelict transport vessel" - "derelict ship"?

The source says explicitly that it was a derelict transport vessel, so I've stuck with that wording.

"that stood in for Titanic." - see my comment in the lead

Fate

Frank Thompson quote - I realise he says puts this very well, but I think this quote is too long. Any way you could summarise/paraphrase some of it, possibly just leaving the last two sentences as direct quote?

Done. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"injuring his wife, who survived." - I think the "who survived" is redundant here
I'm not sure how much of the last paragraph is needed in this article. Readers who are interested in her life can navigate to her article; facts such as where she is buried are irrelevant to this film.

I've trimmed this. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Cast-y

As this is a lost film, I think this section definitely needs a reference

Added this. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

See also

It would be good to explain why the first "see also" is included (e.g.", a German film about the incident produced the same year")

I've added a gloss which should help explain it. Prioryman (talk) 00:22, 13 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]