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Talk:Sarek (Star Trek: The Next Generation)/GA1

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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 18:17, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]


Go on then. Happy to offer a review. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:17, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • Three paragraphs seems too many for the lead.
  • "Initially pitched to appear in the episode which became "Yesterday's Enterprise", Roddenberry suggested that Lenard could appear as Sarek in The Next Generation as it would have been too expensive for Leonard Nimoy to reprise his role of Spock on television. Sarek's health in the episode was a reference to the declining health of Roddenberry himself. The inclusion of Sarek, and the mention of Spock in the final episode was seen by the crew as a breakthrough which allowed the series to reference Star Trek: The Original Series more freely which Roddenberry had previously barred." I'm really struggling with both of these sentences
  • Who or what are the Legarans?
  • What's a "second aide"?
  • "Picard realizes they may need to cancel the conference" What conference?
  • "The Vulcan telepathic issues were then developed, with Sarek only being added to the episode at a late stage in order to ensure that the impact on the audience" I don't follow
  • "sought to "simply push fanboy's buttons", but" Could you check your source? The apostrophe's wrong here.
  • That's what I get for reading something, putting the book down and then writing out what I thought I remembered. I've corrected it - the apostrophe shouldn't be there, and I'd managed to chance the tense as well. Miyagawa (talk) 20:54, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Italics or not for A.V Club?
  • Should have been italics - I've changed the cite to match the body of the article. Miyagawa (talk)
  • I'm seeing a lot of potentially useful hits on Google Scholar; have you had a look through them?
  • I had another look through and found a further useful hit - I'd thought I'd already included something which compared it to Alzheimer, but I'd missed it out. So that's now added. The problem for this is a little unique - the title of the episode is not only the name of a recurring character in the franchise, but it's also the name of one of the novels. So there's a heck of a lot of his for +Sarek +"the next generation" in any search, but the majority are simply where the character gets a mention and TNG gets a later mention. Miyagawa (talk) 20:54, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

That should be enough for now. This is a nice little article; the sources and images are solid, it's brief yet comprehensive, and it's well-structured. I feel that, in places, the writing fell a little short, but I've done some pretty heavy copyediting; please do double-check my edits. Josh Milburn (talk) 19:28, 21 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your fixes. A few more comments:

  • "While he is aboard the ship, the crew experiences an outbreak of irrational anger amongst themselves which is only resolved after Sarek mind melds with Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart)." Looking again, I'm not sure that this is the best summary of the episode; you don't mention Sarek's illness, which seems to be key. Were you trying to avoid spoilers? The mind meld seems to be more a spoiler, to me, but I would be inclined to say that both should be mentioned.
  • "Sarek's health in particular, was intended to be a reference to the declining health of Roddenberry." This feels like a bit of non-sequitur; it comes out of nowhere.
  • "Picard is surprised to find Sarek attending the concert with Perrin" Why is this surprising?
  • Looking again at the production section, I'm a little puzzled by which script is which. We have a script which "would eventually become the episode "Yesterday's Enterprise"", an "original pitch", and a plot which "at first featured an original character instead of Sarek". Are these three completely separate scripts? I'm struggling. Or are you saying that there was a plan to include Sarek, then there was a plot which became a different episode, then a plot that was dropped for not being close enough to The Next Generation, then the one they actually went for? This could all be a bit clearer, I think.
  • "with the script only calling for a reference by Picard to Sarek's son's wedding" This would be an early version of the script rather than the final one, surely?
  • "The third season had seen a relaxation in Roddenberry's previous direction that The Next Generation could not touch on aspects of The Original Series." This is a bit weaker than the claim made in the lead.
  • "Reception and home media release" Given that broadcast is a kind of release, perhaps this section could be renamed to "Release and reception"? Just a suggestion.

This is a strong article, and I'm sure I'll be happy to promote soon. Again, please double-check my edits. Josh Milburn (talk) 20:12, 23 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Great; just acknowledging that I've seen this, and will hopefully be back at some point over the weekend to give the article another look. Josh Milburn (talk) 16:51, 24 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, I'm very happy with this, so I'm going to go ahead and promote. Great work, as ever. Josh Milburn (talk) 15:09, 26 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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