Talk:Sarah Lancashire/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Poltair (talk · contribs) 21:02, 22 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

This is a nice piece of work, ~~but it still has some minor shortcomings with respect to~~ that meets the good article criteria.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
~~Some attention is required to the prose in places (see comments)~~
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
~~Some minor issues with sources (see comments). Otherwise,~~ Article has excellent referencing.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
~~Just a little niggle regarding her first husband (see comments), but otherwise~~ NPOV is handled well.
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Perhaps the images could be staggered left - right for a more pleasing flow.
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
~~on hold for 7 days~~

Comments

Overall this is article is almost there. Just a few issues to address and it will be up to GA standard.

All issues addressed.

Lead

The lead could be thinned a little by removing some of the detail, this would make the section more concise and invite the reader to read on.

I've cut it back a fair bit, trying to keep in the most relevant roles.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and training (1964–1990)

"Lancashire was born on 10 October 1964 in Oldham, Lancashire." – The first reference supports all the facts in the sentence, the second just mentions Oldham in passing.

removed the second reference. Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Her father Geoffrey Lancashire (1933–2004) was a television scriptwriter noted for his work on the soap opera Coronation Street and situation comedies such as The Cuckoo Waltz." – The reference mentions Coronation Street, but doesn't support that he was notable for that work. His work on 'The Cuckoo Waltz' is not supported by that reference.

Added an obituary as a second reference, which mentions these roles in it's subtitle. Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"She did not decide to pursue an acting career until the age of 18." – Not sure that she had decided on an acting career at that time. The source quotes her, "It wasn't until I was about 18 that I thought I'd try the performance side."

Changed wording.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"...she had initially wanted to work behind the scenes in television, having grown up in that environment." – Close paraphrasing, source says, "...I wanted to work behind the scenes in television. It was an environment I had grown up in..."

Fixed wording.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"...Lancashire wrote to British repertory theatre companies but received lots of rejections." – As this sentence is sourced by the reference to the following one, they could be merged into one, more concise sentence, removing some of the close paraphrasing.

Changed. Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"She found her first professional acting experience 'terrifying' as a result of the live audiences,[8] and the knowledge that taking risks or underperforming could have had consequences for her acting career." – For an actress to be terrified of live audiences needs explaining. Why not use the quote in the source? – "I performed in front of a big audience and because I wore a bathing costume in some of the scenes, I got heckled." – It adds interest, and the context helps explain what was "terrifying".

Added.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"...she found it difficult to reconcile performing in London with raising two young children in Manchester." – This sentence immediately raises questions; where did these children come from?, was she married? etc. Ok, these questions eventually get answered in the Personal life section, but if her family life is important to the context at this stage it needs expanding upon or mentioning earlier. With an article structured chronologically like this one, it makes sense to build in the personal details as they happened, it helps to explain gaps, decisions etc.

I've restructured the article, and tried to include as much relevant information in the right places. Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Television breakthrough (1991–2000)

"...continuing teaching at Salford University..." – 'continuing to teach' would be better.

Changed. Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"...Lancashire played the title in an adaption of Educating Rita..." – title role

Changed.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Then series producer Jane Macnaught deemed Raquel..." could be worded better.

Changed.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Lancashire used her own experiences as a single mother mistreated by men..." – the source mentions her experiences as a single mother, but doesn't actually say that she had been mistreated. Need to be careful here, as this could be controversial.

Changed.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"In March, she played actress Coral Atkins in Seeing Red, a television film that explored her role in setting up a care home for abused children." – some ambiguity, needs clarifying.

Re-worded.

"Lancashire felt the subject matter to be harrowing and also a pressure to do the story justice." – clunky, and is it supported by the sources?

Largely removed.

"Golden Handcuff" contract and further projects (2001–2010)

Maybe mention her co-star in Gentleman's Relish.

Done. Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"...which she described as her 'most naked role yet'." – a direct quote always needs an inline citation, even if it is from the same source as the following sentence.

Fixed.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Lancashire drew on her own experiences of clinical depression..." – this is the first mention the reader has of problems with depression. It would be useful to learn at this point the reasons for Lancashire revealing her depression.
"In November she presented an edition of the Five documentary series Disappearing Britain in which she interviewed people with memories of Wakes Week holidays in Blackpool by early 20th century Cotton mill workers." – clunky sentence.

Fixed.

"In December, she starred in BBC1's 2007 adaption of Charles Dickens' 1838 novel Oliver Twist." – Bit of a stretch to say that she starred in the production, but the quote that follows does demonstrate her importance in the cast.

Fixed.

"Between 2008 and 2011 Lancashire narrated the BBC1 costume drama series Lark Rise to Candleford based on Flora Thompson's memoir of her Oxfordshire childhood in the 1880s." – suggests that her narration was based on Thompson's memoir. Perhaps mention that she narrates as the character Laura Timmins, now grown up.

Changed slightly. Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Continued prominence (2011–present)

"...at the Novello Theatre .[83]" – space before punctuation.

Fixed. Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"In 2012 she appeared as lady's maid Miss Whisset..." – perhaps wikilink lady's maid.

Fixed.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"...which necessitated Lancashire having to leave The Paradise partway through the second series." – necessitated, having to – use one or the other.

Fixed.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Awards and nominations

"In 2009 Lancashire was made a honorary Doctor of Letters by the University of Huddersfield.[110] In 2014 the Radio Times listed her as one of the thirty most powerful women in British television and radio." – The position of these sentences after the awards table is a bit odd.
Have integrated into prose.Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life

This section would be better removed, and the content incorporated into the main flow of the chronology. If this section is to remain, it would be better placed before the tables.
Lancashire's revelation that she suffered from depression is important, and perhaps deserves a subheading within the chronology, as it came at a time when those experiences informed a role she was to play.
Need to be careful not to disparage Lancashire's first husband. At least one of the sources is clear that they remain on friendly terms.

I've tried to integrate this information as much as possible. I've removed the comment about Lancashire feeling mistreated by men (a poor extrapolation from the source).

Eshlare (talk) 14:24, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

You've done a really good job addressing the issues and I believe the article is now much improved and reads very well. Happy to pass as a Good Article. Poltair (talk) 20:21, 29 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]