Talk:Sandra Schmirler/GA1

GA Review

Lead

• Please expand per WP:LEAD to fully summarise the article. I'd say it needs to be at least double its current length.

Curling career

• The main body jumps right into here career. Do you have any more info about her early life?

I'll try to work in the material from the personal section a bit earlier.

• wl "speed swimmer" as per the other sports.
• "She continued to curl on the local scene, participating in a local ladies league in Grade 9." What does local mean? One of those uses needs to be changed to put it in context.

--local means a league at the local small town curling rink, i.e., in Biggar.

• "Playing as third on her high school team," What does third mean? It may need a minor tweak to explain to non-curling fans.

--positions in curling are lead, second, third, skip. The third throws the 5th and 6th stones, i.e., the team's third player in order. Glossary of culring terms

• "She continued to curl after graduating high school" Should it be "graduating from"?

-- normal Saskatchewan / Canadian language usage, though the "from" would be understood here.

• "While in university" Should be "While at" surely?

--No, "in" would be normal Canadian language usage. Everyone talks about university (and school) this way here: "at" would mean you're presently within the physical space of the campus. The "at" would be understood, just not the normal way to say it.

• "Saskatchewan's provincial playdowns" Is there a wikilink or explanation for playdowns?

--doesn't seem to be one readily available. Maybe a definition of them in parentheses?

• Who is Kathy Fahlman?

--another Saskatchewan curler, another player, who does not have the stature for an article. She did acheive a Canadian mixed championship with Brian McCusker (JoanMcCusker husband who was the 2nd on Schirmler's rink). hard to know how to put in all this extraneous detail I think.

• "It was the first national women's curling championship for Saskatchewan since Marj Mitchell in 1980." Do you have a ref for this?

--List of Canadian women's curling champions

• "At the time, no other Canadian rink (men or women) had won consecutive world championships." You don't really need the brackets. It's important enough to mention "no other Canadian rink for men or women" without the brackets.
• Wikilinks of 1998 Winter Olympics and Curling at the 1998 Winter Olympics are not clear they go to different pages because of the piping. I would suggest trying to find somewhere else to link the latter. Perhaps even try re-writing "The 1998 Winter Olympics were held in Nagano, Japan. The Schmirler rink was among the favorites for gold, but there was a strong field in the event." into one sentence, or wikilink "the event".
• Is there a wikilink for "extra ends"?

--don't think so, I looked pretty thoroughly. It is like an extra period or extra time in other sports, except it is governed by the throwing of all the rocks in an end.

Not really, I'll try to make it more apparent in the text.

• "winning on a draw with Schmirler's last rock which she nearly missed." I'm a bit confused by the wording here.

--me too, think it means that she couldn't do a take out and nearly missed the draw. I don't see a ready ref for the game.

• "The exhausted team put in a good showing," Sounds very POV. Have you got a reference for "exhausted" and "good showing"?

--that's what the Lefko book says, but that's still his POV, probably should be editted out.

Family and education

• I would suggest the early part of this section could go before her curling career, as per the note above.

Illness

• The first par could do with some more wikilinks to help explain her condition.
• "colour commentator" What's this?

--maybe they call them other things other places. The person who talks knowlegeably about the sport with the person calling the game (the announcer or presenter)

Colour commentator, or 'colour guy' is pretty ubiquitous throughout sports. Generally one broadcaster calling the action, and one commenting, or explaining. Almost always the ex-athlete in the booth.

• wikilink CAT scan.

Awards

• "Schmirler was awarded the Saskatchewan Order of Merit, becoming the first posthumous recipient." Do you have a ref for both these clauses?

--looked didn't find one

Found one and added it.

General

• See WP:DATE for how to write dates. E.g. November, 1997 should be November 1997.
• Scores, date ranges and page ranges should use endashes not hyphens per WP:DASH.

There's quite a bit to do, but I'll put it on hold. The "curling career" section could do with a bit of a copy edit too. Peanut4 (talk) 22:32, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

I just answered the questions the best I could above within the admin review without spending heaps of tim. Happen to be a wee bit knowledgeable about it. II hope it helps someone make the needed changes. --Fremte (talk) 23:24, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

Working on a few suggestions, after completing a few more. Haven't done the endashes, whatever those may be. I'll look into it. leafschik1967 (talk) 02:54, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, I put the wrong link above. See WP:DASH for more info about what dashes to use. If you still don't understand what dashes to use, just let me know once you've completed everything else, and I'll change them for you. Peanut4 (talk) 00:13, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

   Lead needs expanding per WP:LEAD
   Page range in references, scores and season ranges need endashes per WP:DASH
   Date format needs correcting per WP:MOSNUM
   Some text may need a copy edit per comments above

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

   Some statements need more referencing as noted above

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

   Peanut4 (talk) 21:51, 15 August 2008 (UTC)