Talk:Samuel Colt/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MathewTownsend (talk · contribs) 21:30, 20 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I will begin this review shortly. (I worked a little on his brother's article. Interesting family.)

MathewTownsend (talk) 21:30, 20 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Early years

Samuel Colt had seven siblings: four brothers and three sisters. Two of his sisters died in childhood and the other, Sarah Ann, committed suicide later in life, but Colt's brothers were a huge part of his professional life." - "huge" is a big statement.

Fixed

Colt was indentured to a farm - indentured to a farm or to a farmer?

Fixed

"At Glastonbury, he was introduced to" - at the school?

No, while living there, fixed.

"he discovered that Robert Fulton and several other inventors had accomplished things deemed impossible—until they were done" - Robert Fulton is repeated from the sentence before. - suggest removing one of the mentions and reword.

Fixed
Also, two quotes in same paragraph saying similar thimgs is unnecessary, I think.
Fixed

Plus another quote in next paragraph - too many quotes .

Fixed

More quotes - just too many. It destroys the flow. - recommend just choosing a few special phrases and ditch the wordy quotes. Your own wording is much better.

Thanks, I didn't realize how bad this sounded until I got in there.

Gunsmithing

Again, too many quotes. It makes reading it very difficult. The parts where you use your own wording are much better.

Fixed

Early problems and failures

More quotes

Quotes make reading this very hard work.

Agreed

I notice that the rest of the article doesn't have quotes so the going should be easier.

The early part was already there, I wrote or rewrote the second half from scratch, so the only quotes are important ones, usually just a phrase, not like entire sentences used earlier.

I'm taking a rest. MathewTownsend (talk) 23:27, 20 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks again!--Mike - Μολὼν λαβέ 00:37, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Reply

I'm so glad you agree. When you use your own words the writing is really good. MathewTownsend (talk) 01:39, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

On hold

I'm putting this on hold while I read through it again. MathewTownsend (talk) 21:06, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Fair enough, let me know if you need anything.--Mike - Μολὼν λαβέ 23:37, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:

(Plant ruins site at: 40° 55' 01.04" N, 74° 10' 44.48" W) - don't think this is usually in an article, at least in the text.

Removed, vestige from an earlier editor

"The first workman would receive two or three of the most important parts…and would affix these and pass them on to the next who add a part and pass the growing article on to another who would do the same, and so on until the complete arm is put together". - better in blockquote, IMO
"Demonstrating his gun to people in general stores did not work," - was a failure?

I'm going to say he was looking at the time it would take for him to visit all of these locations and demonstrate his guns vs the amount of actual sales they generated. He was looking to get "more bang for the buck". Hopefully I clarified it.

See WP#Overlinking - Links like war technology not helpful. Likewise Presidency, United States
Fixed, I think I got all of these.
One recurring problem Colt had in selling his revolvers was that "it was not possible to change the provisions of the Militia Act of 1808. Any arms purchased under the Militia Act had to be those in the current service to the United States". - is this quote necessary -couldn't it be explained more concisely if reworded?

Fixed

The soldiers in Florida loved the new weapon, - "loved" not encyclopedic wording

fixed

Soon after the failure of his former company - Soon after the failure of his company? - or did it fail after it was no longer his company?
His underwater mines - In 1842 he used the device - one of he devices? (since underwater mines is plural)

fixed

and the Colt mine was an "unchristian contraption". - and said the Colt mine was ....?

fixed

Because he no longer owned a firearm factory, or even a model of a firearm - didn't have patents?

He held the patents, but had no means of production so he contracted to Whitney. The Patterson revolver was a fragile gun and would probably be considered sub par for Walker's use at that time. His "new and improved" revolver worked with input from Walker

Hartford, Connecticut - example of overlinking, also manor
These improvements included 71⁄2-inch (190 mm) barrels, shorter chambers, typically loaded only to 50 grains instead of 60 grains, thereby reducing the occurrence of ruptured cylinders, and the addition of a positive catch at the end of the loading lever to prevent the dropping of the loading lever under recoil. - sentence structure - typically loaded only to 50 grams ... doesn't seem to fit - plus sentence is run-on.
Fixed
However, Colt’s zealous protection of his patents greatly impeded firearms development as a whole in the United States. His preoccupation with patent infringement suits slowed his own company’s transition to the cartridge system and also blocked other firms from pursuing new designs. Moreover, Colt’s policies forced some other competing inventors to greater creativity by denying them key features of his mechanism - is this a little contradictatory? (Should "moreover" be there?)
Fixed
Colt's London factory remained in operation for only four years, unwilling to alter his open-top single-action design for a solid frame double-action revolver that the British asked for; - verb has no subject
Fixed

Later years

The part about the marriage and the son, Sam is confusing, even though I have read the John Colt article. So both Colt brothers married Caroline?

Right, Sam married her in Scotland when he was at the beginning of his career in 1838. For some reason he kept it very quiet back in the US. I think he was going to get an annulment or divorce when he realized she was "unsuitable" as a wife. She was a common girl from Scotland or England, probably easy on the eyes but not sophisticated enough to be his wife. When she turned out to be pregnant he realized it would cause him problems so he married her off to John to legitimize her and Sam's baby. I'll reread this again and attempt another rewording, it's hard when they have the same name (father and son) but not really a "Sr. or Jr."

- Legacy

first to use art as a marketing tool - should this be explained in the section of his life in which it occurred?
fixed
"his widow, Elizabeth, had an Episcopol church designed by Edward Tuckerman Potter built as a memorial to Samuel Colt and the three children they lost" - she wasn't bitter about the son Sam and the will?

I am sure she was, but people looked at life and marriage very different back then; plus she had this company that was huge making millions back then...by today's standards it would be in the 10's of millions. She was an Episcopal minister's daughter and from everything I read, a very upstanding woman. So she had the Church built, maybe at the urging of her family, maybe to attone for her husband's misdeeds, maybe just to be charitable with her fortune (she later donated their home Armsmear to be a woman's home/shelter after she died).

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Lead - doesn't convey a summary of what's in the article. Please see lead

I think I got it now

Headings/sections - somewhat hard to follow the time sequence - I went through all the sections and they are in sequence - but looking at the TOC its not immediately obvious. Don't know what to suggest, except mentioning the date more frequently in the text.

Early years to 1832
Gunsmithing 1835 to 1837
Early problems and failures - 1837 - 1843
Samuel Morse 1841 - 1842
Colt's Patent Firearms Manufacturing Company 1847 to 1856
Later years 1861 -1862

Fixed

Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Does it follow the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Great job. A wonderful article! MathewTownsend (talk) 23:16, 23 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]