Talk:Salwa Eid Naser/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 08:53, 13 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to review the article.

Review

Lead section / infobox

athlete sprinter – athlete is redundant.
Can you explain to readers what 9 marks in the top ten means?
As of July 2021, she holds the 8 fastest Asian results of all time, 9 marks in the top ten, 18 in the top twenty, and 24 in the top thirty. This short paragraph could do with being moved into a neighbouring one.
currently suspended – is redundant, as the last paragraph explains about her suspension.
Amend 4x400 to ‘4 x 400’. This occurs in several places. (Optional point, as other articles don't do this properly either)
AIU; CAS; WA; WADA should be preceded by the full name of the organisations (these need to be linked, not the abbreviations).
Any uncontentious facts in the lead section do not need to be cited.
I would copy edit the sentence that includes (no publicly available data on her out-of competition tests before/after) to improve the prose, and leave the brackets out.
(2015–17) in the infobox should read ‘(2015–2017)’.

More comments to follow. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Amitchell125 (talk) 13:09, 25 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

1 Early life

Unlink Islam (MOS:OL).
"past three years have been a great transition for me" needs to be cited within (or at the end of) the sentence, as it is a quotation.
she quickly discovered an ability – why quickly? Also, it's not clear who she is here.
At age 11, in her first competitive race in school she won 100 m, and then later 400 m. An account of these races is excessively detailed for an encyclopaedia article.
Before Naser was 14 – I would start a new paragraph here (optional).

2.1 2014–2016: World youth champion

Unlink Bulgarian; Brussels (MOS:OL).
her time ranks her however 6th in the final results doesn’t make sense to me.
The citations following who had been based in Bahrain for several years. need to be listed in order.
improved her best further – further is redundant and can be deleted.
Is (banned / disqualified for doping) a mistake?
who had been based in Bahrain for several years – can this be more precise?
A patient run in a tight hijab, what was her own decision needs copy editing to improve the English.
Ditto and did not advance by one place and 0.13 s; her time ranks her however 6th in the final results.

2.2 2017–2019: World silver medalist and champion

(photo finish) is an external link, and so should be in the External links section.
50.06 seconds; her result 48.97; running 49.32 s – you sometimes use second, sometimes leave the unit out, and sometimes s, is there a reason?
won 10 of her 11 400 m races – I would amend to ‘won ten of her eleven 400 m races’, ignoring the MOS rule (for the sake of clarity).
Salwa Eid Naser – surname only after her first mention.
Amend by a massive 0.82 s to ‘by 0.82 s’. (MOS:PEACOCK)
The links to Birmingham, meet record and Doha do not lead where you would expect them to.
30 meters – ‘30 m’, as used throughout the article?
Replace the staggers (slang term).
PB needs the {{AthAbbr|PB}} template.
won also Continental Cup – ‘also won the Continental Cup’?

2.3 2020–present: controversial 2-year suspension

controversial 2-year suspension in the title is imo redundant.
The paragraph needs to be re-written to improve the English. It has, for example, two overlong sentences which don't make sense in places.
with hearing dates set for April 22–23, 2021 – is an update available?
In November – I would provide the year here.
Salwa Eid Naser – surname only.
2021's is redundant.

3 Achievements

Dup link - World Athletics.
Last updated on 1 May 2021 – the profile or all the information that follows in the section?
I would explain the significance of the breaks in the tables between 2017 and 2018.

6 References

Ref 15 (1st Youth Athletics Asian Championships Results) is a dead link.

On hold

I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 2 August to allow time for the issues raised to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 17:02, 25 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Jgwikid: I notice that the article has not been amended since I completed this review on 25th July. Unfortunately, if the issues I have highlighted have not been addressed by 2 August, the nomination will fail. Amitchell125 (talk) 11:43, 30 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Amitchell125: Yes, I know, I see everything everywhere. I am doing sth else currently. Will come back on time, I hope. Thank you for your work! Jgwikid (talk) 11:48, 30 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

The article was failed, as the nominator did not respond to the review comments. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:33, 3 August 2021 (UTC)[reply]