Talk:Sadjarwo Djarwonagoro

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Sadjarwo Djarwonagoro was nominated as a good article, but it did not meet the good article criteria at the time (July 6, 2020). There are suggestions on the review page for improving the article. If you can improve it, please do; it may then be renominated.

Did you know nomination

{{#ifeq:Talk|Talk|

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: withdrawn by nominator, closed by Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 02:33, 29 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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Comment or view
Article history

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... that a former leftist minister became the member of parliament in an anti-communist state?

Created/expanded by Jeromi Mikhael (talk). Self-nominated at 14:04, 27 May 2020 (UTC).[reply]

New enough and long enough. No QPQ necessary (zero credits). I can't check the foreign-language sources, so I'm going to have to assume good faith. One thing I notice is the article needs copy editing for English. Have you considered taking this to WP:GOCE, Jeromi Mikhael? The issues I found are enough to probably merit a copy edit before approval. Raymie (t • c) 23:17, 30 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Raymie: Please type down parts with bad English grammar, so I can fix it.--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 01:24, 31 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I've gone ahead and done it for you. There are several extraneous uses of "the", incorrect tenses, etc. Check this diff to see what I changed; hopefully that aids your writing of additional articles. Raymie (t • c) 01:46, 31 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I came by to promote this, and first edited the article for English grammar. I added "clarification needed" tags in a few places where words or unfamiliar acronyms were inserted. I find the hook confusing. You take great pains to explain he was not a leftist, so why are you calling him a leftist in the hook? I would prefer to see a normal hook with his name in bold and some interesting fact about him as a hook angle. Yoninah (talk) 22:20, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Sadjarwo Djarwonagoro/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk · contribs) 16:38, 10 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Jeromi Mikhael. I'll be reviewing your GA nomination. I'll have a read through and make suggestions in order to ensure it's a GA. Thanks! SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 16:38, 10 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Intro

From first glance, the intro is way too short. It should be used to summarise who he was and what he did. It should also summarise key events in his life. Check out Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section for some tips. An example of a good lead is here - Sirimavo Bandaranaike.

Early life

Quite concise, but helpful. Are there any possible images of him/his family in early life that could be added?
I suggest removing 'He was born as the son of Djajengwirojo'. Unless there's more background surrounding this, the first name should probably be omitted.

Please elaborate? Which first name?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 02:17, 13 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm referring to he was 'son of Djajengwirojo'. The reader doesn't know who that is. Also possibly remove this (his father) from the infobox, as it is not notable.

I also suggest removing 'Mr' in the heading, as well as 'he was born into an aristocratic family'. This doesn't seem to have been mention.

Career

Possibly rename to 'early activism'?

During the Indonesian National Revolution

It would be great if there was more info on this. Could there be some detail on what the Indonesian National Revolution was?
It also talks about 'after his resignation' here, but nothing about his resignation before. It may be worth adding that into the prior section.

Family

It may be worth rewording this section. It doesn't come out completely right.

Images

These are good overall. Are there any more images of him in action?

Citation

I think some more sources are needed too. There are some uncited statements. It would be worth checking through this.

Overall

There's quite a lot of stuff to do here, currently the article wouldn't be a GA. If we can get the above done, the article should be at GA, or at least very near! Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 13:45, 12 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Another thing to note is that it might be best to remove the current prefix. I think his initials have been put in the place of prefix.

@SerAntoniDeMiloni: Elaborate? What prefix/initials?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 02:13, 13 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Mr. KPH

@SerAntoniDeMiloni: Mr. = meester in de rechten; KPH = Kanjeng Pangeran Haryo (nobility title)--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 05:37, 14 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

There are also some sentences that don't work perfectly in English. I suggest you re-read the article to find these; If you can't, either go to an English WikiProject or I can try helping with some. SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 08:47, 20 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hold

Hi Jeromi Mikhael. I'll put this on hold while you respond to all the above comments. Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 08:47, 20 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@SerAntoniDeMiloni: I've done some of them, can you review it?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 09:05, 20 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Jeromi Mikhael: It's come a long way, but would currently be a fail. There should likely be a larger variety of references for the page; they don't need to include reference to him, but should reference the event. There are also some problems with the wording of certain sentences. I'll try and have a look through them to correct. The above should be done to comply with the GA Instruction. Thanks, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 09:48, 20 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The article at the moment needs copy editing for English. You could try speaking to someone at WP:GOCE?

Fail

Unfortunately I'm going to have to fail this one. I haven't heard back over the 7 day hold period. There are also some significant changes that have to be made in terms of the citations and wording. I suggest you focus on what has been said above, possibly try a peer-review and then resubmit. Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 11:41, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Assessment

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail: