Talk:SS Manasoo/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 16:11, 22 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 16:11, 22 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Earwig finds nothing but short unavoidable phrases. Images are suitably licensed and I think the sources are fine. The wreck image has a reasonable FUR.

FN 26 doesn't link to a source. Citations don't have to formatted well for a GA, but I can't tell which of the Windsor Star sources this is meant to link to.

Done.

"She was built in 1888 in Port Glasgow, Scotland, by William Hamilton & Company for the Hamilton Steamboat Company of Hamilton, Ontario. During this time, she mainly carried passengers between Hamilton and Toronto, Ontario." The phrase "during this time" is meant to refer to the time working for the Hamilton Steamboat Company but it sounds like it doesn't refer to anything since we haven't given an end date. I think it would be better to make this clearer: perhaps "She was built in 1888 in Port Glasgow, Scotland, by William Hamilton & Company for the Hamilton Steamboat Company of Hamilton, Ontario, who used her as a passenger transport between Hamilton and Toronto, Ontario."

Done.

"She made a 39-mile (62.8 km) trip between Burlington and Port Dalhousie, Ontario, on April 6, 1894, in an hour and fifty minutes." I assume we're mentioning this because it's impressive; does the source make it clear that that's the case? If so can we add that? If it doesn't, are there other sources that could be used to show this is a fast trip?

I checked Newspapers with the phrase "Macassa Burlington", "Macassa Hamilton" and "Macassa 1/one hour and 50/fifty minutes", and nothing relating to this time being impressive is mentioned. I'm assuming this one needs to be removed.

No, I think it can stay; it might not survive FAC without explanation though. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:52, 23 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"By 2:00 a.m. the next day, Manasoo had begun to list to port. Captain McKay eventually decided to beach Manasoo on nearby Griffith Island.[28][29] Eventually, Manasoo's starboard bilge lifted out of the water, causing water to leak in through gangways and other openings." Can we avoid the two uses of "eventually"?

Done.

That's it for the prose. I'll do spotchecks next. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 22:34, 22 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Mike Christie: I've done most of these, with the exception of the 3rd point. GreatLakesShips 🤘 (talk - contribs) 02:50, 23 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

All looks good. Spotchecks below. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:52, 23 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Spotchecks. FN numbers refer to this version.

FN 5 cites "Her main deck was completely enclosed, while her promenade deck was almost completely open, save for a small cabin. She had a single tall mast located forward of her pilothouse." The source has "Her main deck was entirely enclosed but the promenade deck was almost completely open, there being only a small cabin which provided little shelter." This is too closely paraphrased.
FNs 5 & 18 cite "In the winter of 1927, Macassa was sold to the Owen Sound Transportation Company of Owen Sound, Ontario, and was rebuilt as a nightboat in Toronto." Verified.
FN 27 cites "It was rumoured that Manasoo had previously been discovered by a diver resting in 150 feet (45.7 m) of water, 0.5 miles (0.8 km) from shore." Verified.

Once you've fixed the first one, I'll check a couple since spotchecks have to come up clean to pass GA. (That's a fairly recent change to the GA rules.) So you might want to go through and just check you don't have paraphrasing issues elsewhere in the article. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:52, 23 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Mike Christie: I've fixed the sentence, and I've gone through a few sources. I haven't seen any other close paraphrasing that might merit attention. GreatLakesShips 🤘 (talk - contribs) 05:23, 25 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

That looks good. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:53, 25 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

More spotchecks -- footnote numbers now refer to this version.

FNs 4, 5, 6, and 12 cite "Early in her career, she also stopped at Lorne Park, Oakville and Burlington Beach, Ontario." Verified from FN 5.
FN 19 cites "Macassa was renamed Manasoo, a combination of Manitoulin Island and Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario." Verified.
FN 6 cites "Macassa's trip across the Atlantic Ocean took 15 days, as ice slowed her progress." The source describes the plan for the trip, not the trip itself. Is this cited to the wrong source?

One to fix again, I'm afraid; I'll do some more checks once that's fixed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:53, 25 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Mike Christie: That one was a mistake on my part. I've changed the sentence to "Newspapers in 1888 speculated that Macassa would arrive at her destination on around June 1".

Fix is good. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 15:22, 28 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

More spotchecks -- footnote numbers now refer to this version. I'm doing six this time to be on the safe side as there were problems in both previous passes.

FNs 1 & 2 cite "It would not be until 1889, however, that the first steel-hulled Canadian ship, Manitoba, was built on the Great Lakes." Verified.
FN 4 cites "Macassa was clinker built." Verified.
FN 5 cites "After entering service in May, she mainly operated between Sault Ste. Marie and Owen Sound, via the North Channel. Manasoo carried passengers and various types of freight." Verified.
FN 17 cites "On September 19, 1906, a deckhand on board Macassa lost his foot after it became entangled in a mooring line while she was in Hamilton." Verified.
FNs 4 & 5 cite "In 1911, the Hamilton Steamboat Company merged into the Niagara Navigation Company, a company that operated passenger ships between Toronto and various Niagara River ports." Verified; a bit of repetition of the original phrasing but it's not something easy to rephrase.
FN 23 cites "Cowman Donald Wallace of Oil Springs, Ontario, and his friend Thomas Lambert (also of Oil Springs) drove to Owen Sound, where they boarded Manasoo." Verified.

All these are good, so I'm passing this. Congratulations on getting this done after so long a wait! Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 15:22, 28 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Mike Christie: Thank you so much for taking the time to help me! This year has been very tough for me. I haven't been able to do much writing, and this one has been niggling at me for a very long time. GreatLakesShips 🤘 (talk - contribs) 20:46, 28 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]

A pleasure! Glad to see this one make it over the line. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 21:10, 28 July 2023 (UTC)[reply]