Talk:SOS (Rihanna song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Basilisk4u (talk · contribs) 04:45, 5 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The word "song" may be used a few too many times in the lead. Try "record" or "track" occasionally.
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"'SOS' is a dance-pop and R&B song, with elements of dance music and contains a compositional sample of 'Tainted Love', a song written by Ed Cobb in 1965." Move the comma so it is after "dance music". I also think you should add that the song was made popular by Soft Cell, because that is the more well-known version.
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"In Europe, the song peaked inside the top-five on most countries singles charts..." I think the "most countries singles charts" part is oddly worded. I would recommend "on many charts across the continent" or something of that nature. Also, why is "top five" hyphenated?
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"'SOS' was performed live at the 2006 MTV EMA awards in Copenhagen, Denmark." What makes this performance more notable than the others?
That is the only live performance I could source, hence why there is no Live performance section. Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"The song was included on the set list of the Last Girl on Earth Tour (2010-11), performing a 'rock-influenced' version." This sentence does not say who was performing it; change to "The song was included on the set list of the Last Girl on Earth Tour (2010-11), in which Rihanna performed 'rock-influenced' version."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}

Again, mention the Soft Cell version of "Tainted Love"
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"In an interview with HitQuarters, Rotem explain the song's conception..." --> "In an interview with HitQuarters, Rotem explained the song's conception..."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
Two sentences in a row begin with "In an interview with...". Change the wording for one of them.
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}

"explained that the reason why he compressed the background vocals was because 'SOS' is a 'high energy track,'" --> "explained that he compressed the background vocals because 'SOS' is a 'high energy track,'"
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"Tan also noted that the background vocals were pitch shifted, so that they tonal quality could be increased and to create an enhanced effect during the chorus." Change to "Tan also noted that the background vocals were pitch shifted to increase tonal quality and create an enhanced effect during the chorus."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"The pitch shifting consisted of making the left vocals flat and the right vocals sharp, with varying degrees of delay, and were then mixed together." --> "and later mixing them together".
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"Tan continued to note that there is not a lot of reverb included on "SOS", largely due to the fact that there was not a lot of room left to add anything else, being a up-tempo song." --> "Tan continued to note that the lack of reverb included on "SOS" was largely due to the fact that being an uptempo song, there was not a lot of room left to add anything else."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}

"'SOS' is a up-tempo[8] dance-pop and contemporary R&B song,[10] and it draws influence from dance music." --> "'SOS' is a up-tempo[8] dance-pop and contemporary R&B song[10] that influence from dance music."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
It seems a bit like the second paragraph of this section should be added to the "Critical reception" section, but either way works. I would suggest that you add a sentence at the beginning of the paragraph that says "The use of the 'Tainted Love' sample was well-received by critics".
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}

"The maxi single included both the radio edit and instrumental versions of "SOS", as well as album track "Break It Off", which features Sean Paul." --> "as well as the album track "Break It Off", which features Jamaican reggae singer Sean Paul."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}

"However, Lamb criticized Rihanna for not displaying any sense of originality or being unique." I think the "or being unique" part is a bit redundant.
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"Despite praising "SOS", Cinquemani continued to write that it was the only song on A Girl Like Me which displayed a high level of 'audacity'." I think that he meant that the "audacity" was a positive thing. Or are you comparing it to how he felt about the other songs on the album? Please clarify.
I don't say it is either positive or negative. Aaron • ^{You Da One}

"becoming the singers first number one single on the Hot 100." --> "becoming the singer's first number one single on the Hot 100."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
Four sentences in a row begin with "In..." Try to change the wording for some of them
Lol, to what?! I don't think it's a problem to be honest. Aaron • ^{You Da One}
Make sure the countries are linked (Belgium, Finland, Switzerland, etc.)
You don't have to link countries. Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"In the Belgium..." --> "In Belgium..."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
"In Finland, the song spent two weeks on that countries singles chart..." --> "In Finland, the song spent two weeks on the countries singles chart..."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}

"whilst another was shot for a Nike campaign." I think "while" would be better to use here.
You shouldn't use "while" in prose really. "Whilst" is more professional standard of writing. Aaron • ^{You Da One}
Never heard that before. From what I know, "whilst" is more common in British English, but "while" is the preferred choice. Check out the Misplaced formality section of Tony1's WP:1A guide. —WP:PENGUIN · ^{[ TALK ]} 19:12, 7 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The video begins with Rihanna wearing a low cut green dress, dancing in front tropical plants on a beach, whilst singing the hook." --> "The video begins with Rihanna singing the hook while wearing a low cut green dress and dancing in front tropical plants on a beach."
Done Aaron • ^{You Da One}
Why is there no description of the Agent Provocateur video?
Because I can't find a video of it :P Aaron • ^{You Da One}

I don't think ref#10 should be in "cite news" format, as Allmusic is an online source.
It's not a printed publication, it's just a website. So it's cite web. Aaron • ^{You Da One}
This section looks good!

I have placed the review on hold. This article looks great though and it is well on its way to being a good article! Basilisk4u (talk) 05:38, 7 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks I am at uni atm so I will do this tonight. Aaron • ^{You Da One} 11:07, 7 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]