Talk:Ryan Garko/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Brad78 (talk) 15:01, 2 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"He has also played for the Cleveland Indians, and the San Francisco Giants in Major League Baseball." Don't really need "also". It can be word easily added to sentences for no reason - I do it a lot myself!!
"Garko is seen as a good hitter with poor base running skills, and poor defensive instincts.[1] He is seen as a spray hitter, in that he hits to all sides of the field." Who says both of these?
"doesn't" - don't use contractions in formal text.
"While he attended Stanford University," better to use "when he attended..."
"Formerly a catcher," You've just said this above.
Is there any reason for so many references in the lead. The lead, (per WP:LEAD) shouldn't introduce new facts that aren't in the many body of the article so there is rarely much reason to reference anything.

College

Most of the sentences follow a format "Garko did this... Garko did that ... Garko did this." The section could do with a brief re-write to make the writing more engaging.

Indians

What is "Short-Season"? And does it need to be capped?

2007 season

"it was said that Garko would have to improve on the defensive end to make the 25-man roster." Who said this? And why would he have to improve his defense?
"Towards the end of spring training, Indians' manager Eric Wedge noted that Garko had in fact made improvements on defense." "in fact" is redundant.
"A comment Garko made during the American League Championship Series sparked controversy after he stated, "The champagne tastes just as good on the road as it does at home."" Why is this controversial?

Others

No dablinks
Ref 5 to "NCAA And CWS, INC., Announce College World Series Legends Team" is dead.
Ref 67 "Oklahoma City 9, Portland 3: Ryan Garko's slam, Kevin Richardson's three-run blast power RedHawks over Beavers" also comes up with a strange error message.
I'd move the personal section to the start since chronologically this is where most of the details belong.

Most of the article is fine, well-referenced and seems to be very thorough. But coming back to the point I made for the "college" section, most other sections follow a similar format. It gives the feeling of "proseline" (see Wikipedia:Proseline) rather than engaging text that has context and follows on well. I'd either suggest giving it a good read through yourself to reword or maybe ask writers with a knowledge of similar articles. It's not a major task, so I'll keep this on hold for the time being. Brad78 (talk) 23:35, 3 January 2011 (UTC) Looks like the writer made all the fixes noted above. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 05:38, 19 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Further comments

The second point raised about the lead has not been addressed. Done
"During spring training, Garko wrote a series of journals for MLB.com about his experiences in the major leagues." It doesn't seem to be about his experiences in the major league to me. I was going to re-write it but not sure what to. Done
"By September, he was the starting everyday first baseman for the Indians after both Ben Broussard was also traded to Seattle." either something missing here or take out both. Done
Try not use "also" so much. Done

Shouldn't be too difficult to sort. The text has certainly been improved so far. Brad78 (talk) 14:42, 21 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Brad78 (talk) 01:39, 25 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]