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GA Review

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Reviewer: Sp33dyphil (talk · contribs) 03:47, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Second opinion request

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I'd like to know what others think of my reviews, whether some of my suggestions/comments/requests are reasonable, and if I've missed anything in the article. --Sp33dyphil ©hatontributions 07:40, 24 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

G'day, Sp33dyphil and Adam, I've taken a look at the article and made a few changes based on comments on the review. Please review my changes and let me know what you think/readjust if you think necessary. Regarding the review, it looks like quite a thorough review which should stand the article in good stead to progress further. I wasn't quite able to see exactly what had been actioned and what hadn't. If there is anything, it might pay to highlight it a little more clearly so it can be dealt with or discussed. Adam: you mentioned to me earlier that you had some concerns, if you still do, would you mind highlighting them here so we can all discuss? Cheers, AustralianRupert (talk) 02:51, 26 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No concerns. Waiting for it to be re-assessed. Adamdaley (talk) 00:02, 27 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Corrections to Article for GAN

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Sp33dyphil - list everything that needs to be changed or modified, then I can go through it once and change what needs to be changed for it to be GAN assessment. Adamdaley (talk) 04:09, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Opening notes
  • If you have any questions about or do not like any of my suggestions, let me know.
  • I strongly recommend you request a copy-edit of the article.
Lead
  • "({{ru icon}} Вильям "Вилли" Генрихович Фишер)" --> "({{lang-ru|Вильям "Вилли" Генрихович Фишер}})" Please standardise the rest of the article.
  • " In 1957 Fisher was convicted on three counts of conspiracy as a Soviet Union spy by the U.S. Federal Court in New York City. He was sentenced to 45 years at Atlanta Federal Penitentiary, Georgia." --> "In 1957, the U.S. Federal Court in New York convicted Fisher on three counts of conspiracy as a Soviet spy and sentenced him to 45 years' imprisonment at Atlanta Federal Penitentiary, Georgia."
  • "as a Soviet Union spy"
  • Please link U-2.
  • As the article contains 18,132 characters, the lead should have at least two paragraphs according to Wikipedia:LEAD#Length.
Early life
  • "His parents, ethnic Germans from Russia, were" Missing comma -- two clauses. Same with "whilst living in England, took part"
  • "ethnic Germans from Russia were Russian revolutionaries of" redundant.
  • "In 1918, at the age of 15, Fisher became an apprentice draughtsman at Swan Hunter Wallsend, in 1918, and attended evening classes at Rutherford College and at the age of 16 he was before being accepted to into London University in 1919."
  • "The Fisher family left Newcastle upon Tyne in 1921,[Note 3] returning to Moscow, after the 1917 Russian revolution had succeeded.[9]" --> "The Fisher family left Newcastle upon Tyne in 1921[Note 3] to return to Moscow following the 1917 Russian Revolution.[9]"
Early career
  • "After the family's return to Russia in 1921 Fisher worked as a translator (his lingual fluencies included English, Russian, German, Polish and Yiddish)[1] for Comintern." --> "After the family's return to Russia in 1921, Fisher worked for Comintern as a translator as his lingual fluencies included English, Russian, German, Polish and Yiddish.[1]" Please also ensure that commas go after dates or periods throughout the article. Did he know more than five languages?
  • "During his military service in 1925–1926 he was trained as a radio operator." Who exactly did he work for?
  • "in Soviet Military Intelligence GRU and" For consistency with subsequent acronyms.
  • "Despite being born in in the United Kingdom, and the accusation of his brother-in-law of being a Trotskyite, Fisher narrowly escaped the Great Purge, which took place during 1936–1938"
  • "In the view of Fisher's bosses in the KGB, his part" Missing comma
In the Secret Service
  • Why's "Secret Service" italicised? Is it referring to the KGB?
  • "from Leningradsky Station" No need for comma.
  • "He then travelled, via Czechoslovakia and Switzerland, to" The absence of the comma make the sentence sound awkward.
  • "Le Havre, France," Conventions call for "[town/city], [city/country]," construction. Same with " Montreal, Canada"
  • "Fisher met with Soviet illegal I.R. Grigulevich (codenamed MAKS)" What is a "Soviet illegal"? Also codename is missing a d.
  • "On November 26, Fisher met with Soviet illegal I.R. Grigulevich (codename MAKS). Grigulevich gave Fisher one thousand dollars, plus three documents in the name of Emil Robert Goldfus: one was a genuine birth certificate, a forged draft card and a forged tax certificate." --> "On November 26, Fisher met with Soviet illegal I.R. Grigulevich (codename MAKS), who gave Fisher a genuine birth certificate, a forged draft card and a forged tax certificate, all under the name of Emil Robert Goldfus, along with $1000."
  • "Fisher then handed back Kayotis's passport and documents and became Goldfus." --> "Fisher then returned Kayotis's passport and documents to assume the name Goldfus."
  • "it is believed one place he travelled was"
  • "with a "legal" KGB" What consitutes a "legal" KGB officer? BTW, I suggest rewording the sentence to "In July 1949, Fisher met with a "legal" KGB officer from the Soviet consulate general."
  • "was given control of, and ordered"
  • "Members of the network stopped cooperating due to security at Los Alamos having been tightened at the end of the war." --> "Members of the network stopped cooperating due to the tightening in security at Los Alamos after the the war"
  • "In 1950, Fisher's illegal residency was dealt a blow endangered by the"
  • "smuggling nuclear secrets to Russia." vs "passing atomic secrets from" Please be consistent.
  • "Fisher was relieved the Rosenbergs did not reveal any information to lead the FBI back to him." --> "Fisher was relieved the Rosenbergs did not disclose any information about him to the FBI."
  • Wikify Queen Mary
  • "The white thumbtack signaled to Fisher the arrival of an assistant. His new assistant Reino Häyhänen, codenamed "VIK", arrived in New York on the Queen Mary. Häyhänen entered the United States as Eugene Nikolai Maki." --> "The white thumbtack signaled to Fisher the arrival of his new assistant, Reino Häyhänen. Codenamed "VIK", Häyhänen, arrived in New York on the Queen Mary under the alias Eugene Nikolai Maki."
  • "Maki was born in 1919" if this is referring to Maki himself, please clarify.
  • "family migrated to Estonia on the border of the Soviet Union." Is "on the border of the Soviet Union" referring to Estonia, or the family's home?
  • "and his weakness for alcohol." --> "and his obsession with alcohol." The former is slightly ambiguous.
  • "In the spring of 1955, Fisher and Häyhänen visited Bear Mountain Park and buried five thousand dollars. The money was destined for the wife of Morton Sobell, a convicted Soviet spy sentenced to thirty years in jail." --> "In mid 1955, Fisher and Häyhänen visited Bear Mountain Park and buried five thousand dollars destined for the wife of Morton Sobell, a convicted Soviet spy sentenced to thirty years in jail."
  • "Early in 1957, Fisher had run out of patience" --> "Early in 1957, Fisher ran out of patience" or "By early 1957, Fisher had run out of patience"
  • "Prior to his leaving departure"
    • Sounds like he's catching a flight than a ship. Adamdaley (talk) 22:10, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • Departure applies to flights, train trips, etc. It just happens to be used most in airports. If you don't want to change, that's OK. I just think it sounds better; no big deal.
  • "and retrieved the buried five thousand dollars buried there, for his own use."
  • "Svirin, however was long gone, having had returned to Moscow two years previously."
Capture and later
  • "Hotel Latham" or "Latham hotel"?
  • "Fisher would not turn traitor as Häyhänen had done, rather he would admit nothing, reveal nothing and volunteer nothing." This sounds NPOV; please rephrase.
  • "Immigration and Nationality act." Shouldn't act be capitalised?
  • "By Fisher stating his real name was Rudolph Ivanovich Abel it would signal his capture to Moscow." Please rephrase.
  • "had found four thousand dollars" Not sure why it isn't "$4,000". Same with "fifteen thousand in cash".
  • "Fisher was no longer considered an alleged illegal alien, rather an alleged spy. On August 7, Fisher was flown from Alabama to New York to answer the indictment." --> "As Fisher was no longer considered an alleged illegal alien, but rather an alleged spy, he was flown from Alabama to New York, on August 7, to answer the indictment." BTW, he never arrived in Alabama, so how could he depart it?
  • "Fisher, "Rudolf Ivanovich Abel", was to serve" Why is "Rudolf Ivanovich Abel" added?
  • "The exchange took place on the Glienicke Bridge linking that links West Berlin with Potsdam."
  • "Fisher's main passion, his art, outlived him." Why's there a tribute in an encyclopedia article?
Footnotes and others
  • All external links are valid (no action required).
  • No dabs (no action required)
  • FN 1 of "Notes" -- Day and Month shouldn't be italicsed.
  • Do you know how to use {{#tag:ref||group="nb"|name=""}}?
  • FN 3 of "References" -- publisher and/or works missing.
    • If this is pointing to the FBI file/website. Please check it for author and year. You will find nothing, only it was done by the FBI. It is better than a group of KGB people celebrating his 100 years of when he was born while it was unsourced/unreferenced. Adamdaley (talk) 22:10, 22 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • What are you trying to say? I'd just like you to add Federal Bureau of Investigations to the FN.
  • FN 21 of "References" -- replace m-dash with n-dash.
  • Please make consistent the way you present the entries in "Bibliography" and "Further reading".
  • Please add locations of publishers' headquarters.
  • Captions shouldn't end in periods if they're not sentences.
  • Please decapitalise common nouns, especially those in the infobox.
A few more points
--Sp33dyphil ©hatontributions 05:26, 26 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "USSR Cold War spy" --> "Soviet Cold War spy"
  • If "United Kingdom" is spelled out in full in the infobox, then maybe "Soviet Union" should, too, instead of "USSR".
  • Sorry, I should've made my point clearer; I was expecting you to expand the intro further, instead of simply splitting the paragraph into two. I suggest mentioning his parents, the intelligence agencies for which he worked, and some of the roles that he performed as a spy.
  • Could you please provide the page numbers for the two notes? Once finished, I will convert the it to one that uses {{#tag:ref||group="nb"|name=""}}.
Those two "Notes" at the bottom are already referenced in the Infobox. Adamdaley (talk) 06:49, 26 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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