Talk:Roy McGrath/GA1

GA Review

Passed. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:59, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Mokadoshi (talk · contribs) 05:16, 16 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): Looks good. b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): ~~See comments below for lead and layout.~~ Issues fixed. Word choice looks good. Fiction and lists is not applicable. It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): ~~See below.~~ Issues have been fixed. c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): Earwig gives 24.2%, which is mostly titles and such. In one case I've fixed some close paraphrasing. It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): ~~Some comments below.~~ Addressed. b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): Licenses are all good. b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
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Comments

Lead

According to MOS:FIRSTBIO, the first sentence of a biographical article should list noteworthy positions and what they are best known for. Currently, your first sentence is Roy C. McGrath was an American political operative and fugitive...etc.... This definitely satisfies what he's best known for, but I think you should begin the first sentence by introducing him as either the former chief of staff to Hogan, or as "a former Maryland public official" or something similar. Definitely don't want to overload the first sentence, so I'll leave it to you. I might suggest looking at other articles from List of American federal politicians convicted of crimes, like perhaps Duncan D. Hunter. Mokadoshi (talk) 23:26, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y Lead looks good now, thanks. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:59, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Layout

Optional: It is not required, but biographies typically begin with an "Early life and education" section followed by a "Career" section. Mokadoshi (talk) 23:26, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Citations

where he described himself as the "CEO". The source says McGrath fashioned himself as a “CEO” of the independent agency but it's not clear to me whether this is actually quoting McGrath or whether these are scare quotes. Do we have a different reference that explicitly says that he called himself CEO? Mokadoshi (talk) 23:34, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- The Steve Thompson article in WaPo is a better source for this, and gives more quotes that could be a good addition to the article. Mokadoshi (talk) 23:50, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  Y Your tweak on the wording looks good. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:01, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"operates more like a business than a state agency." McGrath did not say these words. It is even more clear he didn't say them if you look at the actual op-ed he wrote, which should probably be what is cited here anyway since the article is specifically cited in the article. Mokadoshi (talk) 23:40, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y This looks good. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:04, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
calling its disclosure "truly shocking" Y Verified with source. Mokadoshi (talk) 23:50, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
MES board members testified that they were "probably misled" by McGrath. N I don't see the words probably misled in the source. What I see is Three members of the service’s nine-member board told legislators they feel misled by Roy McGrath about his severance. They testified at an oversight hearing that McGrath assured them Hogan supported the plan to pay McGrath about $238,000 earlier this summer.. Mokadoshi (talk) 23:50, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Y2hyaXM I think this is still not done. I see you added a source which includes the words "probably misled" but you shouldn't use quotation marks unless the board members actually used these words. I would fix it myself but I want to make sure you agree. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:06, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I used the quotation marks because that's what was used around those words in the article - feel free to fix Y2hyaXM (talk) 01:08, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I don't see quotation marks in the WaPo article, so I will remove it. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:12, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
invoking the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution more than 170 times. This has two references. The WaPo reference says 130 times, the Maryland Matters says 170 times. Not sure which one is correct. Mokadoshi (talk) 23:50, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y This is done. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:07, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"politically-motivated bullies" ... "the exculpatory facts will come to light and speak for themselves" Y Verified with source. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:03, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"I know you did nothing wrong. I know it is unfair. I will stand with you" Y Verified with both sources. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:03, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
alleging that McGrath had forged a "memorandum" from Hogan that "approved" his severance payment This shouldn't be quoted, this should just say alleging that McGrath had forged a memorandum from Hogan approving the severance payment Mokadoshi (talk) 00:03, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
sought to seize $119,000 in assets from an TD Ameritrade account belonging to McGrath, alleging that the account was entirely funded by his MES severance payment Y Verified with source. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:03, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
multiple counts of "unlawful intercept" and misconduct. There are two citations for this sentence. The Maryland Matters doesn't have this quote. The second, NBC Washington, does, but it says it just means "wiretapping." I think we should just change this to multiple counts of wiretapping and misconduct. Optional: you may also mention the state charges for theft and embezzlement, but you should only cite the Maryland Matters for that as NBC Washington only mentions the wiretapping charges. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:03, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y Looks good. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:09, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
He was due to stand trial for the state charges in July 2023. Do you have a source for this? Mokadoshi (talk) 00:05, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y Looks good. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:13, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"semi-retired man who moved from Hagerstown to Florida" N This isn't a direct quote from "Cooper", we should just delete the quotation marks. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:08, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y Looks good. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:14, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
A third book was planned to release "once more was known about McGrath's location", but never published. N Again, like above, this shouldn't be quoted as it's not a direct quotation from "Cooper." Also, the bit about but never published isn't supported by the cited reference. You should use a different citation for that part. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:10, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y Looks good. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:19, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
On April 3, 2023, FBI agents sought to arrest McGrath at a Costco Wholesale store near the 10700 block of Kingston Pike in Farragut, Tennessee. N There are two references for this sentence, but neither of them say anything about Costco, the 10700 block of Kingston Pike or Farragut, Tennessee. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:26, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y Looks good. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:24, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
He ignored police trying to arrest him, resulting in a police chase that ended when McGrath was boxed in near a local fast-food restaurant and auto parts store. Y Verified with source.
McGrath ignored demands to put his hands out the driver's side window and told agents that he had a loaded gun, which he fired at his right temple. At the same time, FBI agents fired at McGrath, striking his left cheek. N The Baltimore Banner source doesn't give this information, but the Maryland Matters reference from the previous sentence does, I think they were mixed up. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:26, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y This looks good. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:37, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
He was arrested and taken to the University of Tennessee Medical Center, where he died 25 minutes later. N There are three references for this sentence, but it doesn't seem supported by any of them. None of them mention the University of Tennessee Medical Center, or how soon after he arrived there that he died. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:26, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Y2hyaXM I see you added a Darcy Costello reference, which does say he was taken to the University of Tennessee Medical Center. But which source says he died 25 minutes after arriving? I think I'm missing it. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:37, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The Maryland Matters source says it was 30 minutes Y2hyaXM (talk) 01:41, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Y Thanks, I fixed the ordering of the references there. Mokadoshi (talk) 01:58, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
McGrath married his first wife, Yuliya (anglicized to Julia, née Kryvenko), in 1997, and was divorced in 2010. Y Verified with source. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:28, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
In August 2020, the Baltimore Sun reported that McGrath received a $238,250 severance package that included a year's salary after voluntarily leaving the Maryland Environmental Service I'm struggling to understand where this number comes from. The report says McGrath’s position at the agency paid $233,647 a year for the fiscal year that ended June 30, is this it? Or is this what he was paid for the whole year? I'm not sure. @Y2hyaXM: do you know? Mokadoshi (talk) 00:58, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Mokadoshi I got it from here, but it looks like the $233,647 number may be more accurate as it's the number reference in the DoJ's indictment. Y2hyaXM (talk) 01:03, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Y2hyaXM Got it, can you update the article and the lead with the $233,647 number, and update the reference for both to point to the indictment? Mokadoshi (talk) 01:16, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done, think I've added it in the right place Y2hyaXM (talk) 01:23, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Coverage

McGrath resigned in August 2020, and he was not to appear in court until March 2023. Other than the testimonies that he provided in December 2020, is it known what else he did between those dates, other than the testimonies he gave that are already discussed in the article? Mokadoshi (talk) 23:26, 23 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Mokadoshi I've just made a change that should fix the issues with the lead and "probably misled" citation. I'm working on the other issues now. As for what McGrath did between August 2020 and March 2023, all that's been publicly reported about what McGrath did during this timespan is that he moved from Maryland to Florida, claimed Hogan approved of his severance package, and testified to the Joint Committee on Fair Practices and State Personnel Oversight about his tenure at the MES. Y2hyaXM (talk) 00:19, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Yep, that's what I thought. I'll mark "broad coverage" as complete then. Mokadoshi (talk) 00:29, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Mokadoshi I've made further adjustments that should fix the other issues you've added. Please let me know if you have any other recommendations, especially regarding the Steve Thompson article. Thanks for reviewing! Y2hyaXM (talk) 00:45, 24 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.