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Talk:Romeo & Juliet: Sealed with a Kiss/GA1

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 02:12, 27 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be glad to take this review. Initial comments to follow in the next 1-5 days. Thanks in advance for your work on this one! -- Khazar2 (talk) 02:12, 27 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Review

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What an interesting subject--even though this movie sounds quite terrible, it's impressive that he put something on this scale together. This article appears to cover major aspects of its subject and to be fairly well-sourced. Thanks for your work to get it up to this point.

I'm concerned, though, with the persistent copyediting and accuracy problems I seem to be encountering. I had to do some rewriting for grammar throughout [1], and some questions remain (below). More seriously, a few spotchecks immediately turned up issues with accuracy--a major statement that appears to be wrong (that the movie was completely unscripted), an inaccurate quotation, the wrong name of a film festival, etc. This article appears to need re-checking from top to bottom, and that's outside the scope of this review.

For these reasons, I'm not listing the article at this time. But I hope you'll review and address these concerns, and consider nominating this again in the future--it's an interesting topic that I'd love to see reach GA. Again, thanks for all your work on this one! -- Khazar2 (talk) 12:54, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Rewrite "summer 2006" per WP:REALTIME (mid-2006?)
  • "but not before Romeo falls in love with Juliet at first sight" -- so Romeo falls in love with Juliet before going to the party? I'm confused on the timeline here.
  • "to marry Prince" -- this name seems to be inconsistently written as "Prince" or "the Prince"--is it a title, or a name?
  • "a fish (whose name is not revealed until the end of the film)" -- this is a little confusing--is there a twist here? Or can it just be said "a fish says..."
  • "burps like a seal" -- who burps here? I'm confused by the way this clause is tacked on.
  • "he would not let anyone capture Juliet" -- what do you mean by "capture" here? As in, kidnap?
  • "this is first revealed in the shipwreck scene" -- since the shipwreck scene isn't mentioned in the plot summary, probably best not to say "the shipwreck scene.
  • " soft Capulet " -- does the movie really describe her as soft? Slightly odd detail
  • "It is revealed that she would do anything to be with Romeo, this is revealed when she went to Friar Lawrence's cave for help after the Prince banished Romeo to Shark Island." -- this is a comma splice, but more importantly just an awkward sentence. There's no reason to lead off with "it is revealed that", but I wonder if this sentence could just be cut entirely.
  • "This is revealed when he caused havoc at the fight scene and also when he, Romeo and Benvolio crashed the Capulets' party. He was thought to be dead when the Prince threw him into the rocks when he taunted him, but he was really still alive and was probably faking it." -- another comma splice, and a very awkward sentence. Could this just be cut? If kept, the pronoun confusion in the final sentence will need to be fixed.
  • Does the movie literally describe Lawrence as a voodoo practitioner?
  • "he knows that Romeo and Juliet shouldn't be married but realized that the wedding will stop the rivalry of the two families." -- the tense switches midsentence here (knows, realized); it's also a comma splice. Can this sentence just be cut?
  • " He loved Juliet until he found an elephant seal just like him. " -- this is repetition of the plot summary and can just be cut
  • "Ironically for a fish," -- this bit of commentary should be cut per MOS:OPED
  • "because of the more lack of G-rated films" -- "more lack" doesn't seem grammatical--what is this trying to say?
  • " by Nibbelink's prediction" -- you mean he had predicted this would happen? Or it happened because he predicted it?
  • Nibbelink should be called by his last name throughout; "Phil" is not encyclopedic tone.
    • Wait, are you saying that after I use his full name in the infobox, that only his last name can be used when mentioning him? I'm worried that could cause confusion in the audio section, considering that there's other people named Nibbelink involved in vocing this film. EditorE (talk) 15:12, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • " the film was completely unscripted;" -- this doesn't seem to be accurate. Nibbelink's clearly talking about his daughter's lines in this context; the rest of the film sounds scripted.
  • "its 34-week and 238-day box office run" -- I'm assuming this isn't 34 weeks plus 238 days. It's probably best to write it as "34-week (238-day)" for clarity.
  • "Nibbelink had tried to sell the film, showing it to 800 people" -- this is really unclear to me. First, didn't he successfully sell the film (why "tried")? Second, can you clarify this showing he did for 800 people?
  • "compared the film's poor animation" -- should be rewritten as "compared what he considered the film's poor animation" or some such; we shouldn't say in Wikipedia's voice that the animation is poor
  • "surprisingly not terrible" -- this is not a correct quotation
  • "a Southwest Film Festival" -- the correct name of this film festival seems to be the "Best in the Southwest Film Festival"
  • Is Cold Hard Flash a reliable source? -- Khazar2 (talk) 12:54, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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