Talk:Rogers Hornsby/GA1

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 22:49, 15 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article ideally within a few days. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 22:49, 15 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here's one big thing I noticed that you can fix while I read the article over. For the references, you rewrite everything, the title, publisher, isbn, etc. on each ref. Instead, use just the author and page and put the book in a bibliography section, much like what Paul Krichell has. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 05:01, 19 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Refs look good now, so I'll review the prose within the next few days. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 15:09, 19 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Another thing I noticed while reading the article is that while many places are of decent length (the Cards section is fairly good), the Cubs and Browns sections could definitely be longer. That was eight years, one of which he won an MVP, and I didn't really feel that given how much everything trailed off there. A bit more expansion in the article would definitely help. I don't push length too much, but when there's 16kb of prose in the bio of probably the greatest second baseman in MLB history, beefing the article is definitely a plus. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 05:34, 22 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

That looks better; I'll give the prose a read tonight. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 17:14, 22 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the prose issues I found:

First early life paragraph needs a cite.
"job at a as an office boy" remove at a
"Hornsby only batted .232" try and limit the use of modifiers such as "only" before stat numbers. The reader can figure out for themselves about an average being good or bad.
"in fifty-seven at-bats." numbers over ten don't have to be written out; can just say 57.
Get rid of the year pipelinks, i.e. 1916.
"doubles (forty-four), and RBI (ninety-four); triples (seventeen)" as mentioned above
"That year, the National League reintroduced its MVP award." Spell it out; Most Valuable Player (MVP) award on first mention; after that you can say MVP without issue.
"doubles (forty-four), and triples (eighteen)."..."doubles (forty-six),"..."walks (eighty-six)"; as above
"Although Hornsby was expected to win the award, it went to Dazzy Vance instead. It turned out that Cincinnati voter Jack Ryder had left Hornsby's name off his ballot altogether, because he believed Hornsby was an MVP to himself, but not to his team" I'd like to see a citation for that.

Done through Giants. Tomorrow I'll review Braves onward, then I'll give a final slew of non-prose issues I have. We're getting close to a GA now. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 05:41, 24 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the prose issues for Braves onward:

Link National League when first mentioned, with NL in parenthesis (currently linked on second mention)
"forty-four of the first forty-eight" 44 of the first 48
"Hornsby was released;" comma instead of semicolon. Also, why was he released? Yes, Hornsby was near his end, but there's definitely more to that than what is said here, especially if they did decide not to give him any money.
"twenty-one driven in" 21 RBI
"Hornsby did not become a manager or coach again until 1950," what did he do in-between? I presume that's in the bio
"He hit a career total of 301 home runs, a very high mark for a player who spent most of his career as a second baseman. " combining the position and HR as is seems iffy; maybe note how he ranks among 2B instead?

Also, here's some final comments elsewhere:

Ref #10 looks like a blog to me and not a reliable source; replace.
The early life section is a little light. What did his parents do for a living? Anything on how he got into baseball?
There's nothing on his family. Was he a lifelong bachelor, or did he have a wife and kids? Either way, there's likely a good amount of info to add right there.
All in all, the article is a little stat-based. The ones noted as is are fine, but what I mean is that Hornsby had a very strong personality in baseball. The reader merely sees a great ballplayer from this article, with little about his personality. There is some good stuff in the later career, but it's almost nonexistent elsewhere.

I know I've been asking a lot, but the article already looks better, and once these fixes are put in we should be good to go. I'll put the article on hold, and once the issues are fixed I'll take one more look at the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 05:14, 25 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

This looks good now. I'll read through the article again tomorrow and hopefully pass it. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:22, 26 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

After riding the article another read though, I'm going to pass it. It looks a lot better now, and it satisfies all the criteria. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:52, 27 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]