Talk:Robot Jox/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 04:20, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I am Carbrera, and I'll be reviewing this article for possible good article submission.

Full review coming very soon. Carbrera (talk) 04:20, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

Looks very good! I usually have to say something but it's good!

Lead

Paragraph 1

Omit "mechanical" before "machines"; it is redundant.
Insert a comma after "dystopian".

Paragraph 2

Insert a comma before and after "Charles Band".
Omit "more" before "recently"; it is unnecessary.
Look at "influenced elements of popular culture" because I'm not sure what you're getting at by that; try to be clearer.

Plot

Paragraph 1

Insert a comma before and after "Alexander (Paul Koslo)".

Paragraph 2

Insert a comma after "Market jock".
Insert a comma before and after ""Doc" Matsumoto (Danny Kamekona)"
Insert a comma after "strategist".
Insert a comma after "fight with Alexander".

Paragraph 3

Insert a comma before and after "in fact".
Replace "He accuses Conway of being a spy" with "He accuses Conway of being the spy".

Paragraph 4

Insert a comma after "overpowers Athena and".
Replace "referees' float platform" with "referees' floating platform"? If that's what you mean by float platform?

Production

Paragraph 1

Insert a comma before and after "Stuart Gordon".

Paragraph 2

Insert a comma before and after "Charles Band".
Does this section need more sources?
Insert a comma after "special effects artist".

Paragraph 3

Insert a comma before and after "Joe Halderman".
Spell out "one and a half" rather than having the numbers.

Paragraph 5

Insert a comma before and after "along with Ron Cobb".
Insert "the" in-between "at" and "El Mirage".

Release

Paragraph 1

Insert a comma after "science fiction author".
Insert a comma after "was published that year)".
Insert a comma before and after "Gardner Dozois".

Soundtrack

Paragraph 1

The infobox is a bit bare; you could add any producers, recorded times, etc.
Replace "composed the music the 1989" with "composed the music for the 1989".
Isn't a track listing available that you could put in here; that would be pretty major for this article, don't you think?

Home media

Paragraph 1

Replace "to avoid the" with "to avoid a".

Paragraph 2

Insert a comma before and after "Stuart Gordon".
Insert a comma after "featurettes".

Later response

Paragraph 1

Insert a comma before and after "Trent Reznor".
Insert a comma after "The Becoming".
Insert a comma after "Nine Inch Nails album".
Insert a comma before and after "BMFcast".
Insert a comma before and after "Robert Simons".
Insert a comma before and after "Michael Monterastelli".

Paragraph 2

Insert a comma before and after "Mark Savlov".
Insert a comma before and after "Alex Fitch".

Paragraph 3

Insert a comma before and after "Claire Suddath".

Notes

Paragraph 1

Insert a comma before and after "Stuart Gordon".

References

Please double check and make sure that all references don't link to a Wiki article more than once; thank you

End of GA Review:

A pretty strong article with some minor changes that need to be made. I'll put it on hold for seven days; thank you! Carbrera (talk) 04:40, 10 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Some responses: I have made many of the changes you recommended; they made perfect sense. There were a few, however, that I had trouble understanding:

Insert a comma before and after "Charles Band".
Insert a comma before and after "Alexander (Paul Koslo)".
Insert a comma after "Market jock".
Insert a comma before and after ""Doc" Matsumoto (Danny Kamekona)"
Insert a comma after "strategist".
Insert a comma before and after "Stuart Gordon".
Insert a comma before and after "Charles Band".
Insert a comma after "special effects artist".
others, etc.

If these names name were interjections, using commas here would be a no-brainer. So if it said "After the film's producer, Charles Band, approved..." it would be fine. As it is, however, these are similar to what you might hear on the intro to a making-of featurette you might find on a DVD: "when producer Steven Spielberg approached director Tobe Hooper to direct the film...". This isn't an interjection but rather a profession that goes with the title listed. Of course, if something exists in the MOS here that I'm unaware of, I'd be happy to change it, but one wouldn't naturally pause in these situations. Is there something I'm missing?

Done I see, my mistake. Carbrera (talk) 01:23, 17 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Insert a comma after "fight with Alexander".

I don't know if I understand. This is the final phrase in the sentence.

Done

Does this section need more sources?

I highly doubt any more exist, outside of the blog echo-chamber (many of which are citing this article). I've tried to reference more easily accessible sources whenever possible, but sometimes all that was available with this information were a few magazine and newspaper articles.

Done

Spell out "one and a half" rather than having the numbers.

If this must be spelled out, then it must be hyphenated all the way through. I don't see it in the WP:MOS, but the Chicago MOS makes this clear.

Yes, you need to spell this one out.

Insert "the" in-between "at" and "El Mirage".

This would be redundant, as "El" means "the" in Spanish.

I see

Done

Regarding the soundtrack infobox: Give me a couple of days on this. I'll work on it.

Gotcha Carbrera (talk) 01:23, 17 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Runfellow (talk) 22:25, 16 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Runfellow: I have replied to all of your concerns. Thank you. Carbrera (talk) 01:23, 17 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Anything regarding the soundtrack? Just that and the article will pass! Carbrera (talk) 02:38, 28 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Runfellow: Any updates? Carbrera (talk) 01:44, 30 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Oops, sorry I missed your ping. I plan to add some things to the soundtrack section tomorrow. Sorry about the delay. Runfellow (talk) 22:14, 30 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]