Talk:Robert Brigandyne

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A fact from Robert Brigandyne appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 3 March 2024 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that Robert Brigandyne constructed the first purpose-built dry dock in England, after King Henry VII's new warships grew too big to be repaired on mudbanks?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2024/March. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Robert Brigandyne.

Wikipedia

Did you know nomination

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by AirshipJungleman29 talk 23:28, 24 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

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Comment or view
Article history

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... ~~that Robert Brigandyne was a shipwright from Kent who was sent to Portsmouth to build a drydock?~~ Source: Hewerdine, Anita (August 1998). The Yeomen of the King's Guard 1485-1547 (PDF) (D.Phil. thesis). London School of Economics. pp. 82, 202.
- Reviewed:
- Comment: QPQ:This is my fourth nomination

Created by AntientNestor (talk). Self-nominated at 16:21, 24 January 2024 (UTC). Post-promotion hook changes for this nom will be logged at Template talk:Did you know nominations/Robert Brigandyne; consider watching this nomination, if it is successful, until the hook appears on the Main Page.[reply]

Hook is uninteresting. Also, the phrase "[he] alone had charge of naval matters" needs attribution. Gatoclass (talk) 01:13, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The phrase "[he] alone had charge of naval matters" is a direct quote from the cited source, reference 7 at the time of posting. Now reformatted. Alt hook suggestions welcome.--AntientNestor (talk) 07:15, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
ALT 1 hook: ... ~~that Robert Brigandyne built the first dry dock in England because the new warships of King Henry VII grew too big to use the earlier method of repair of dragging them onto a mudbank?~~ Source:Goldingham, C. S. (1918). "The Navy under Henry VII". The English Historical Review. 33 (132): 480. ISSN 0013-8266. --AntientNestor (talk) 07:46, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

ALT1 is quite long and confusing. @Gatoclass: Do you have any suggestions on how to make the hook more concise or snappier? Narutolovehinata5 (talk · contributions) 12:05, 29 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

ALT 2 hook: ... ~~that Robert Brigandyne built the first dry dock in England because the new warships of King Henry VII grew too big to repair on mudbanks?~~ Source:Goldingham, C. S. (1918). "The Navy under Henry VII". The English Historical Review. 33 (132): 480. ISSN 0013-8266. --AntientNestor (talk) 07:46, 27 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thoughts on ALT 3: ~~"...that Robert Brigandyne built the first English dry dock to replace mudbank repairs?"~~ The word "replace" could be substituted with something like "supersede" if that is more fitting. Fritzmann (message me) 18:04, 29 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

That one's no good, it sounds like they were repairing mudbanks.

There is a wrinkle with ALT2 as well, in that, according to one source I found, there is evidence of a naturally occurring dry dock in England prior to this one, so I would suggest the hook is modified as follows:

*ALT4: ... that Robert Brigandyne constructed the first purpose-built dry dock in England, after the new warships of King Henry VII grew too big to repair on mudbanks? Gatoclass (talk) 18:42, 30 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think we're getting somewhere now. Thanks. --AntientNestor (talk) 21:14, 30 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Apologies for the delay in getting back to this. I have added a note about the natural dry dock that reportedly existed before this purpose-built dock. As I supplied ALT4, somebody else is now needed to verify it. Thanks, Gatoclass (talk) 06:47, 10 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

ALT4 short enough, AGF sourced, and interesting, though I'd expect a more merciless prepbuilder to end it at "England". Let's roll.--Laun chba ller 11:36, 24 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]