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Talk:Rob Pelinka/GA2

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GA Review

[edit]
Lead
  • "As a basketball player he is former high school All-American who as a junior led Lake Forest High School to its first conference championship and as a senior made all 42 of his free throws in a four game high school basketball tournament." Lots going on in this sentence. It certainly needs some commas but might be best splitting into at least two sentences.
High School
College
Education.
Professional career
  • I'd change the name of this section to signify his career as an agent, maybe even just "Agent career". At first thought, I thought it was as a professional basketball player.
  • "The current players represented by Pelinka are (alphabetically) Carlos Boozer, Kobe Bryant, Keyon Dooling, Derek Fisher, Channing Frye, Eric Gordon, Andre Iguodala, Chris Kaman, Corey Maggette, Morris Peterson, Gerald Wallace, and Julian Wright." This seems to be recentist info to me.
    • In terms of describing who he is, this is almost the most important set of information. We say he started his own firm. We should list his clients. Basically, he earns 5% or so of whoever his players are. We should know who he represents and how much they are paid to understand his company.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:20, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Gordon was drafted 7th overall" Maybe seventh?
Kobe Bryant
Carlos Boozer
Corey Magette
General

Second review

High school
College
Professional career
  • "Rob Pelinka was involved in a complex negotiation which led to both SFX resigning as the agency for Carlos Boozer and to Pelinka briefly resigning as his agent." I still don't like this sentence particularly the use of re-signing or resigning. Is this "signing again" or "handing in notice?"
    • It is giving notice (without the hyphen as written).
  • "2008 restricted free agent Vujačić switched agents to Pelinka in July 2008." I don't understand what this means, and secondly don't like a sentence starting with 2008.
College statistics
General

Not much to do this time. Peanut4 (talk) 23:44, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
    It needs at least one image of Pelinka himself but a couple more would be better, especially to break up the text
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Great work, and hopefully some decent improvement since the start of the GA process. The text is now probably fairly close to FA standard. Obviously the article needs a few images, but I would suggest a peer review, if you were thinking of push it towards FAC. All the best with future improvements. Peanut4 (talk) 23:09, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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