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GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 14:29, 23 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]


This looks very solid. I'll make a start either before or after Christmas. ♦ jaguar 14:29, 23 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Looking forward to your review! Thanks so much for picking it up. ImaginesTigers (talk) 15:22, 23 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Lead
  • "Riot Games is best known for League of Legends, a multiplayer online battle arena game, and has produced several spin-offs" - just to clarify, several spin-offs to League of Legends or other games? Has Riot Games developed any other titles which are worthy to mention in the lead?
Riot has also produced Valorant, but I'm not personally convinced it deserves lead coverage over League and its spin-offs. Open to what you think, though.
  • "The company has been criticized for allegations of gender discrimination..." - can this be expanded a tad? If not it would be safe to simply merge it into the second paragraph as it seems a bit clunky to leave at the bottom of the lead. I notice the 'Criticism' section in this article is quite long, so it would be good to have the lead summarise more per WP:LEAD
Got it. ImaginesTigers (talk) 17:42, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
History
  • "Riot Games' founders, Brandon "Ryze" Beck and Marc "Tryndamere" Merrill, became friends while business students and roommates" - replace 'while' with as, or alternatively try became friends while enrolled at the University of Southern California
So this: "[the] founders [...] became friends as business students and roommates"? It doesn't sound right to me. They became friends while they were business students and roommates; 'as' feels less precise. I've changed it, though. Sound okay? ImaginesTigers (talk) 17:42, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Oh yes, my bad! That sounds better. ♦ jaguar 17:45, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rather, the additional perks would include cosmetic improvements such as new clothes, or skins, that changed characters' appearance" - future tense and past tense conflict here
 Done I've removed this sentence
  • "one of the early developers of DotA Allstars, the game that pioneered the MOBA genre" - for a more neutral voice, try one of the early developers of DotA Allstars, a game that was considered to have pioneered the MOBA genre
  • "they sold investors on the plan for a video game company rooted in e-commerce" - 'sold' seems informal here. Convinced or something similar would be more apt
Changed: As they refined League of Legends initial creation, they pitched investors a video game company rooted in e-commerce [..]. ImaginesTigers (talk) 17:42, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The third and fourth paragraphs in this section can be safely merged as their short lengths breaks the flow
 Done Good suggestion. Thanks! ImaginesTigers (talk) 17:42, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Tencent paid $400 million for a 93 percent stake in Riot Games" - invested is better
 Done
  • "Riot Games relocated to a new building on a 20-acre campus" - would be nice to convert to hectares too
 Working Will have to come back to this. Changed for now to text, but I'm sure there's a template... ImaginesTigers (talk) 17:42, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "while Beck and Merrill became the Riot Games' chairmen" - de-link chairmen
 Done
  • "The company also teased further games — codenamed as Project A" - redundant
 Done I've shifted emphasis so that the codename is Valorant. If you want it removed completely I'm open to it, but the sources call it Project A in the announcements. ImaginesTigers (talk) 17:42, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Riot acquired Hypixel Studios in April 2020, which they had been investing into" - in
 Done Good suggestion; thanks! ImaginesTigers (talk) 17:42, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Producing tabletop games, its first was announced to be Tellstones: King's Gambit" - try Focussed on producing tabletop games, its first title was announced to be Tellstones: King's Gambit. Also, when was this announced?
 Working
Taking a little break. ImaginesTigers (talk) 17:42, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Criticism
  • The first paragraph is rather long and would benefit from being broken up
 Done
  • "Kotaku spoke to about 28 former and current employees" - 28 seems an exact number, remove 'about'
 Done Rewrote much of this section. ImaginesTigers (talk) 19:13, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "female employees at Riot were being discriminated against, such as ideas from female employees being overlooked" - split these two sentences up to improve readability. Perhaps try Allegations included dismissals of ideas from female employees,
 Done Changed in edit.
  • "Kotaku did speak to some Riot employees who stated these accusations were not true or were already being addressed" - informal. Questioned some Riot employees who responded that the allegations were not true
 Done
  • "Riot Games' corporate communications lead Joe Hixson responded to the Kotaku article, stating:" - a very long quote follows here. It needs to be shortened or paraphrased to improve readability. An over-reliance on quotes holds back articles from meeting the well-written requirement in the GA criteria, though I see no heavy abundance in this article
  • There are too many uses of 'stated' in this section - see MOS:SAID for acceptable synonyms
 Done Changed a lot of these in my edit. Sorry about this section. ImaginesTigers (talk) 19:13, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Hixson further stated that in regards to some claims of misbehavior to higher-level executives at Riot" - shouldn't this be of? Or were they recipients of misbehaviour?
It should be by, I think; changed that sentence anyway. Was clunky. ImaginesTigers (talk)
  • "Despite these announcements, Riot Games' stance was put into the spotlight" - informal
Agreed.  Done
  • "at the 2018 PAX West event at the start of September 2018" - this is redundant if the PAX event started in September as 2018 is already mentioned
 Done ImaginesTigers (talk) 19:13, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "some roundtable talks and one-on-one sessions to review resumes" - link curriculum vitae here for non-American readers. It's also stylised résumé
  • "and, in combination with events from the shooting at a video game tournament in Jacksonville, Florida" - split this sentence by replacing 'and' with a full stop
 Done ImaginesTigers (talk) 19:13, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "shooting at a video game tournament in Jacksonville, Florida the prior month" - better to write out the date here
 Done ImaginesTigers (talk) 19:13, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Split the large paragraph in the Dispute over forced arbitration clauses subsection into two
 Done Good call. ImaginesTigers (talk) 19:13, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Riot canceled the partnership within a few days in response, apologizing and stating" - the following quote would benefit from being paraphrased
 Done ImaginesTigers (talk) 19:13, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • There appears to be a typo in the Further reading section

Overall this is a solid article. I'm content with its comprehensibility although the two dominant sections are marked with some prose issues and an over-reliance on company statements. All the references check out and the lead could be expanded very slightly to better summarise the company's criticism. I'll leave this  On hold, but don't worry about getting to this straight away as Christmas is just around the corner. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask! ♦ jaguar 17:21, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

All of the issues here should be fixed now! It’s a shame that the criticism section is so big, but there's not much that can be done about that, I think. They received a huge amount of significant coverage over those events. Thanks so much, Jaguar! Let me know if there's any follow-up comments. — ImaginesTigers (talk) 19:13, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I agree, the criticism is unfortunate reading (though nothing to do with prose quality)! With all that out of the way I'll be happy to award this GA status. It meets the criteria on every front. Well done with this. ♦ jaguar 21:53, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks so much for the review, Jaguar! — ImaginesTigers (talk) 22:18, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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