Talk:Rickard Rakell/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 04:19, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
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There are a fair number of copy cleanup items. You need to figure out a better structure with the Ducks L4 header containing nearly 3,000 words of its own. There's also a dead link source to fix. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 05:14, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
Copy changes
[edit]Run a script to change smart quotes to dumb quotes, as I see one in this article (MOS:CQ).
Lead
[edit]The lead can support an additional paragraph about his NHL career 2013–23. 64 percent of the article is about the Ducks, but our lead barely talks about his time in Anaheim. 
Done
- Rakell signed a three-year entry-level contract and he made his NHL debut on 19 January 2013, against the Vancouver Canucks. Reword: Rakell signed a three-year entry-level contract; he made his NHL debut on 19 January 2013 against the Vancouver Canucks.
Done
Early life
[edit]- Rakell was born on 5 May 1993, in Sollentuna, Sweden The comma after 1993 is not necessary with DMY dates. It would be if this article used MDY dates. Done
- Rakell played the sport until he was 14 and dedicated his focus to ice hockey Reword: Rakell played the sport until he was 14, when he dedicated his focus to ice hockey Done
Career
[edit]The Ducks L4 header is very long. It contains, no joke, 64 percent of the words in the entire article (2950/4582). Would having multiple Ducks headers be acceptable? It would certainly help readers!
- As he was a year old Presumably a year older, as Landeskog was born in 1992. Done
- He originally enrolled in a local high school but eventually dropped out due to his lack of North American-based knowledge. He would eventually earn the equivalent of a high school diploma online. Consider joining these sentences with a semicolon.
- accumulating out remove "out" Done
- teams' should be "team's". Check for this error elsewhere, as it recurs. Done
- ending on February 24 24 February for consistency with other DMY dates. Done
- He scored his first career NHL playoff goal on the powerplay during Game 5 to help lift the Ducks to a 6–2 win. Rakell subsequently became the first player in franchise history to score their first career goal in the playoffs. Should read "first career NHL goal" to emphasize this point. Also, power play should be two words; check for this elsewhere just in case. And "subsequently" should be "thus" or similar, as it did not happen later. Done
- Swede William Karlsson or Anaheim’s probable typo for "for" Done
- third line centre position maybe "third-line center" (as this is a US team). I also see "offence" later in the article. What English style is this article using? Done
- It should use USA but I am Canadian so sometimes that slips through
. Will fix! HickoryOughtShirt?4 (talk) 17:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
- It should use USA but I am Canadian so sometimes that slips through
- Comma after "position"; two subjects and two verbs. (User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences, CinS) Done
- The Ducks and Rakell continued to find success and they set Comma after success (CinS) Done
- In late November, Rakell was moved to the left wing of Getzlaf and Perry and the trio immediately developed chemistry. Comma after Perry (CinS) Done
- Getzlaf had accumulated 11 points, Perry had 10, Rakell had nine and Perron has eight try Getzlaf had accumulated eleven points, Perry ten, Rakell nine, and Perron eight Done
- As such, Rakell began playing on the Ducks' second line with Jamie McGinn and Mike Santorelli while Brandon Pirri played left wing on the top line with Getzlaf and Perry. This was shortlived as Rakell was soon sidelined due to appendicitis
- Comma after Piri (CinS) Done
- Try "short-lived" Done
- Comma after short-lived for readability Done
- Comma after Piri (CinS)
- Rakell subsequently missed the remainder of the regular season following his appendectomy but he returned to the lineup for Game 1 of the Western Conference First Round against the Nashville Predators. Comma after appendectomy OR remove "he" (CinS) Done
- first round elimination hyphenate "first-round" Done
- 4–0. on 1 November. remove stray period Done
- By late March, he had accumulated 32 goals while leading the league with 10 game-winning goals and ranking sixth with 0.49 goals per game. Rakell finished the regular season with a career-high 33 goals, including a league-leading 10 game-winning goals, and 51 points through 71 games. Wonder how much of this might sound redundant at first. Done
- Deleted the first sentence. HickoryOughtShirt?4 (talk) 17:33, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
- th Ducks "the" Done
- career high goal streak hyphenate "career-high" Done
- Don't hyphenate "two or more" Done
- After scoring in the first game of the 2018–19 season Rakell experienced an eight-game goalless drought Comma after season for readability Done
- Rakell returned to the Ducks for the 2019–20 season where he was reunited with Silfverberg and teammate Adam Henrique on an offensive line. Comma after "season". Also, three consecutive paragraphs start "Rakell returned" Done
- He began the season on the Ducks' top line alongside Getzlaf and rookie Sonny Milano although they only combined for one point through the first four games. Comma after Milano Done
- The Ducks continued to lack scoring as the season continued and by 17 February, Rakell and Max Comtois were the only skaters who had scored at least seven points. Comma after "continued" Done
- short try out maybe "tryout", one word
- 5v5 CF% link please? There's not even an entry at our CF disambiguation page for a hockey statistic. Done
- 2012 World Junior Ice Hockey Championships where Comma after Championships Done
- senior debut at the 2018, missing "World Championships" Done
Spot checks
[edit]- 3:
Roland is his father's name. "In Sweden, a lot of people have a grandparent's name but maybe not all of them," Rakell said, smiling. "I think my mom (Annika) ...
By the way, archive.ph loops a captcha; I have to check this via NewsBank. - 8: Dead link. Add archive, but it does check out:
41 Plymouth Whalers OHL Rickard Rakell 05/05/1993 AIK Sweden RW 6.00 185 2011
- 17:
Example text
- 30:
The Ducks also recalled center Rickard Rakell from Norfolk and reassigned center Peter Holland. Rakell has six points (four goals, two assists) with six penalty minutes in 11 games for the Admirals, and co-led the team in scoring, goals and appearances. The youngest player to appear in a game for the Ducks (19 years, eight months, 14 days), Rakell was assigned to Norfolk on Oct. 31.
He had 5 points before per ref [25], so this checks out. - 35: In an article on Getzlaf's injury:
Ducks rookie center Rickard Rakell is expected to start on the first line alongside star Corey Perry and recent minor league call-up Emerson Etem of Long Beach.
- 36:
Rakell is the first Ducks player to record his first career goal in the playoffs (courtesy Elias Sports Bureau).
- 42:
Example text
- 48:
Palmieri played with Kesler and Matt Beleskey in Games 1 and 2 of the first round before he was moved to the third line with Rakell and Cogliano.
- 70:
Rakell has gone from 20 goals in 72 games last season to a Ducks-leading 32 in 65 games this season. Rakell leads the League with 10 game-winning goals.
Additionally, Rakell's 0.49 goals per game is sixth among those who have played at least 20 games. His 27 even-strength goals are tied for third with Chicago Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane. - 71: Stats are scattered throughout but are all here.
- 87:
It was Rakell's fourth goal in two games. He has an NHL career-high 53 points, two more than he had in 71 games last season.
- 126:
Pittsburgh added more firepower for a playoff run when they acquired Rickard Rakell from the Anaheim Ducks prior to the 2022 NHL Trade Deadline on March 21. The speedy playmaking forward had 13 points (four goals, nine assists) in 19 regular-season games for the Penguins.
- 131:
Through 49 games this season, Rakell has scored 18 goals and 15 assists for 33 points and has brought his steady presence no matter the line he’s on.
- 137: Dead link. (Thanks, OHL) It does not appear to be available in the Wayback Machine. Any help here? Done
Earwig flags a fair number of stat descriptions that are not creative prose: co-led the team in scoring, goals and appearances, and ranked second in power-play goals
and sixth youngest player to appear in a game for the Ducks at 19 years, eight months and 14 days
are the longest, and you can try rewording, but I'm not sure how many other ways there are to say the same thing.
Images
[edit]There are three images, all CC-licensed. Encouragement: Add alt text. Done
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.