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Talk:Reza Qoli Mirza Afshar

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GA Review

[edit]
Passed. Aintabli (talk) 13:34, 20 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Reza Qoli Mirza Afshar/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: Amir Ghandi (talk · contribs) 07:33, 7 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Aintabli (talk · contribs) 01:21, 19 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This has been waiting for so long. I may be able to give my full attention to this review in mid-May. If that happens, sorry beforehand. Aintabli (talk) 01:21, 19 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks in advance for reviewing it, and don't worry about tarrying, the article can wait a little bit more. Amir Ghandi (talk) 05:44, 19 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

[edit]
  • I would remove "important" (located in the second sentence).
Done
  • showed courage by subduing, subdued is enough for the lead in my opinion.
Done
  • Reza Qoli kept the peace intact but in doing so he was cruel, demanding taxes and executing people for mere crimes. Suggest Reza Qoli ensured peace through harsh measures when collecting taxes and executing people for petty crimes.
Done
Done
  • In 1742, Nader was assassinated but survived the attack. He suspected Reza Qoli to be behind the assassination and thus had him blinded, but once the deed was done, he regretted his action and sought his son's forgiveness. Pretty confusing. If Nader Shah was assassinated, how did he survive the attack? My guess is there was an assassination "attempt". Then, it can be made more concise: Although he later regretted it, Nader blinded Reza Qoli after suspecting him to be behind an assassination attempt. Aintabli (talk) 20:31, 25 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done

Childhood and adolescence

[edit]
  • his father was Nader Qoli Beg Afshar, the future Nader Shah This could be a separate sentence. And you may consider changing this to His father was [[Nader Shah|Nader Qoli Beg Afshar]], the future [[Shah]] of Iran. You could also link "Shah of Iran" to List of monarchs of Persia.
Done
  • Please add regnal dates after mentioning rulers such as Nader Shah using {{reign}} (Template:reign).
  • Nader remarried by marrying her younger sister, Gowhar Shad, with whom he had two sons. Change remarried by marrying to married.
Done
  • I believe the second paragraph goes into too much detail that doesn't really concern Reza Qoli. Could you make it more concise? The chronology is also quite confusing. If you feel like you have to, you should mention that Reza Qoli's father Nader Shah was stationed in Mazandaran before he came to Mashhad. But if Reza Qoli was not with Nader in Mazandaran, I believe it can be removed. Was Nader in Mashhad amidst the conflict with the Hotakis? This paragraph and the last sentence of the first paragraph needs serious restructuring for clarity.
Reworked it, any thoughts?
The article still does not follow a linear chronology. Before fast forwarding to 1726, when they moved to Mashhad, you can mention that Hotakis invaded parts of Iran as you have done, and then clarify that Nader Shah conquered Mashhad during those struggles and moved there with Reza Qoli along with the rest of his family.
I would also change (shorten) this portion: Tahmasp II, the Safavid pretender (r. 1729–1732), was impressed by Nader's victory at Mashhad and appointed him as his commander-in-chief. Nader became known as Tamasp Qoli (servant of Tahmasp) and led the Safavid armies through numerous victories, eventually defeating the Hotak army in Battle of Zarghan in 1730. To: Impressed by Nader's victory at Mashhad, Tahmasp II, the Safavid pretender (r. 1729–1732), appointed him as his commander-in-chief. Nader led the Safavid armies through numerous victories, eventually defeating the Hotak army in Battle of Zarghan in 1730. Nader's new name is not so relevant when it comes to his son's article in my opinion. Aintabli (talk) 14:48, 25 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done
  • Mentioning where Abiward, Mashhad and various other cities are located might be useful for the readers. You could also create a custom location map if there are no other good maps to use. Similarly, you can briefly explain who Afshars were in the same sentence.
Mentioned the location of Abiward and Mashhad and will do the rest gradually. Also, I added the information for Afshars as a note, any thoughts on that?
Looks good. You can similarly clarify where Khorasan is. Aintabli (talk) 03:04, 3 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • After his uncle, Ebrahim Khan, failed to subdue the rebels, Reza Qoli sent a letter to Nader, telling him of the situation. Suggest Reza's uncle, Ebrahim Khan, failed to subdue the rebels. When Reza Qoli informed Nader of the situation through a letter, Nader requested Reza to hold on within the city as he was on his way to the east.
Done
The source meant after the Abdalis heard Nader was coming that they withdrew Amir Ghandi (talk) 03:01, 3 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, then it could be something like The Abdalis withdrew from Mashhad and went back to Herat immediately after learning that Nader was returning to the region. Aintabli (talk) 03:07, 3 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done

Governor of Khorasan

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  • give consent to his ascension Could be give consent for or just consent his....
  • After six weeks of resistance, Ali Mardan surrendered, and personally went to Reza Qoli, offering him a substantial amount of jewelries. Suggest After six weeks of resistance, Ali Mardan surrendered. He met with Reza Qoli in-person, offering hima substantial amount of jewelries.
  • Ali Mardan Khan was sent as a prisoner to Herat, but died suspiciously en route. Suggest Ali Mardan Khan was chained and suspiciously died en route to the prison in Herat. Don't think it's necessary to italicize en route, but it's your call.
  • Continuing his campaign, Reza Qoli victoriously went through Sheberghan and Aqcha and in July 1737, besieged Balkh. Suggest Reza Qoli continued his campaign by successfully seizing Sheberghan and Aqcha and later besieging Balkh in July 1737.
  • Dig would better fit trenches instead of carve in my opinion.
  • overcame the resistance and the Afshar army crushed the defenders. to overcame the defense, and the Afshar army defeated Sayid Khan. Aintabli (talk) 05:21, 4 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Aintabli: All done
I will be able to continue with the review on Monday or Tuesday next week. Aintabli (talk) 18:57, 10 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • decided to cross the Amu Darya and advance into the lands of the Khanate of Bukhara to crossed the Amu Darya and advanced into the lands of the Khanate of Bukhara
Done
Done

Regent of Iran

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  • Suggest removing With Reza Qoli, he was gentler., which is described in detail without commentary right after.
Done
  • At the time, Nader's army required high wages of money to be kept stable. High taxation was rampant and Nader's agents were to use any method to get money from citizens. to At the time, the economic toll of Nader's army on the citizens was high as agents used any method to collect taxes to make up for the army's great monetary needs.
Done
  • Furthermore, Reza Qoli dispatched agents of his own into various states of the realm to collect more taxes. Not even the highest authorities in these states could refuse Reza Qoli's agents, because they were renowned for their cruelty. to Furthermore, Reza Qoli dispatched his agents, who were renowned for their cruelty, across the realm to tax the locals.
Done
  • through a source other than him to through any other source than himself
Done
  • Reza Qoli became quite rich to Reza Qoli acquired great wealth
Done

Removal and blinding

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  • now renamed Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say "dubbed as" or "gained fame/famed as," or was this really a full name change?
It was a full name change
What should I do about this sentence: "The elder daughter, Manijeh, was set to marry Reza Qoli, and the younger daughter was to marry Ali Qoli Khan, Nader's nephew"?
It should plain past tense unless it was planned but did not happen, which the current wording gives the vibe of. Aintabli (talk) 19:27, 15 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
It was the planned but did not happen, so I'll keep the current wording as it is.

Images

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  • I will definitely take a look at the other images, but this one caught my eye, and I wanted to leave a note in case I forget it. It reads as if the title of the miniature is Nadir Shah appoints his son Riza Quli Mirza as Prince Regent before leaving for India, but in reality, this is just the description. Therefore, there is no need to italicize it. Please remove the italics, rearrange the caption as you like, and adjust the spelling (Nadir→Nader, etc.) in accordance with the rest of the article. Aintabli (talk) 19:42, 22 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done

Sources

[edit]
Removed it

Spotchecks

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  • Reza's mother died five years after his birth, Nader married her younger sister, Gowhar Shad, with whom he had two sons. Verified the first part but couldn't find the rest. Aintabli (talk) 14:59, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    @Aintabli Its a footnote in the version I have: "Mortaza Qoli was Nader’s son by Gowhar Shad, the younger daughter of Baba Ali Beg of Abivard. Nader married her in the early 1720s afer his first wife, Baba Ali’s elder daughter, the mother of Reza Qoli, died" Amir Ghandi (talk) 16:10, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    👍 Aintabli (talk) 16:25, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reza's uncle, Ebrahim Khan, failed to subdue the rebels. When Reza Qoli informed Nader of the situation through a letter, Nader requested Reza to hold on within the city as he was on his way to the east. Verified.
  • Nader set out to Herat on March 1731 to completely quell the Abdalis and returned victorious on February 1732. Verified.
  • On Nowruz 1734, Fatemeh Begum gave birth to a son, whom Nader named Shahrokh, after Shah Rukh son of Timur, thus displaying his interest to emulate a conqueror on the scale of Timur. Verified, but the source says March instead of Nowruz.
    On Nowruz 1734 It may also be helpful to include exactly when Nowruz takes place either here or when it's first mentioned.
done
  • I will likely pass this after the remaining points are dealt with. Aintabli (talk) 01:41, 19 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Furthermore, Nader bestowed upon Reza Qoli the duty of preservation and protection of the northeastern borders and the maintenance of Khorasan's security. Largely verified, but the translation reads "northwestern borders".
Khorasan encompassed the northwestern parts of the Afshar borders
I can't say it looks like the northwest. Would you be okay with changing it to northern? Aintabli (talk) 05:08, 20 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Aintabli Done Amir Ghandi (talk) 08:11, 20 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Afterwards Nader ordered Reza Qoli to refrain from continuing his campaign. He sent a letter to Abu al-Fayz Khan, recognising him as the sovereign of Bukhara. Reza Qoli and Jalayer returned southwards but did not end their campaign, instead they marched into Kunduz and the mountainous Badakhshan in the east. Nader summoned them to join him in Jalalabad and they went there quickly, via Kabul. Verified.
  • By early 1739, no word of Nader had reached Reza Qoli's court in ten months and there was a rumour spreading about Nader's death in India. Verified.
  • On March 1741, Nader commenced a campaign to Dagestan to avenge his brother, Ebrahim Khan, who had been killed by Lezgins dwelling there. Nader took Reza Qoli with him, appointing him as one of his commanders. Verified the first sentence. The second ref appears to cover the second sentence but not the first.
Its this sentences: "رضاقلى ميرزا را مأمور تدارك اين سفر نمود" (Appointed Reza Qoli as the supply agent of this journey [campaign])
  • It gave him a catastrophic mental breakdown which set him on a path to bitterness, nihilism and anger, eventually likening him to a madman. Verified.
  • But it also caused numerous rebellions all across the country in opposition to him and his tyrannous rule. Verified. Aintabli (talk) 23:09, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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