Talk:Renault Agriculture/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 03:02, 17 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

Please remove the following unused parameters, unless any significant and citable information can be found for them:

"romanized name"
"former name"
"traded as"
"fate"
"predecessor"
"area served"
"key people"
"products"
"production"
"services"
"revenue"
"operating income"

"net income"
"aum"
"assets"
"equity"
"owner"
"num employees"
"divisions"
"subsid"
"homepage"
"footnotes"
"intl"

Lead

Please provide a link to the article of "Renault" in its first mention in the lead
The infobox says the company dissolved in 2008, but here it says "between 2003 and 2008"; which one is it?

History

Paragraph 1

Please provide a link to the article of "Renault" in its first mention in the body
"The most outstanding differences of the new tractor..." --> "The most distinguishable differences of the new tractor..." ("Outstanding" sounds a bit too opinionated for me; does this sound better to you?)
Insert a comma after "In 1926" please

Paragraph 2

Insert a comma after "In 1920" please
Since the previous paragraph ended in the year 1938, why does this one begin in 1920?"
Insert a comma after "Shortly after" please
No source for "By the next decade, the tractor division of Renault began a series of partnerships with other manufacturers."; please add one

Paragraph 3

"had a partnership agreement by which the first received John Deere engines manufactured at the Saran factory..." --> "had a partnership agreement by which the former received John Deere engines manufactured at the Saran factory..."
Rest is really good! Great work!

End of GA Review:

Definitely one of my shortest GA reviews. Great work, and I look forward to reviewing more of your articles in the future. I will be placing the article on hold for seven days to allow for any changes to be made to the article. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to contact me or @PING me and I will respond swiftly. Thanks! Cheers, Carbrera (talk) 03:02, 17 June 2016 (UTC).[reply]

Comments

Hi Carbrera, I decided to do a point-by-point feedback to your review, as there's various things you may wish to comment:

Infobox

Done

Lead

Done
I added "Renault Agriculture was dissolved in 2008 and its facilities became part of Claas' tractor division". Is it clearer that way?

Paragraph 1

Done
Yes, I think it's better, changed.
Done

Paragraph 2

Done
I decided to include all the things related to the Billancourt production in the first paragraph and the things related to the Le Mans production from the second paragraph onwards. Do you think a more chronological approach would be better?

As a side note, I added links to Boulogne-Billancourt (the place where the Renault's Billancourt factory was located) an extra link to Le Mans and a link to Flins Renault Factory. That was maybe an underlinking that made things harder for casual readers.

Done
I think there's no source to directly back that up, so I removed it. I added it to give more "cohesion" to the following sentences, as they mostly cover unrelated partnerships. However, I agree it looks like (unintended) original synthesis.

Paragraph 3

Done

Well, that's it for now. Feel free to let me know any concern you have about the changes I made. Urbanoc (talk) 19:25, 20 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for stating what you did for each point of mine; that was very much appreciated! It all checks out and thanks for your time! Passing now! :) Carbrera (talk) 21:12, 20 June 2016 (UTC).[reply]