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Talk:Raymond W. Bliss/GA1

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Reviewer: Gog the Mild (talk · contribs) 21:32, 8 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]


  • "was a senior United States Army officer of various ranks from Lieutenant to Major General" 1. He can't have been a senior officer while a lieutenant. If you want to retain that formulation, you need to lose "senior". 2. Lower case l, m and g, per MOS:JOBTITLES; and for consistency with elsewhere in the article.
  • Is there some link for "Indian station"?
  • Are you/your sources claiming that from August 1920 to September 1921 Bliss both learnt surgery and taught medical procedures?
It will.
  • "He was the commanding officer of Fort Sill hospital in Oklahoma in 1941. He was in London, England, during the German air raids from the fall of 1940 to the winter of 1941 as a military observer and medical correspondent." 1. The sentences seem out of chronological order. 2. Does that mean that he was CO of a hospital he never visited? 3. By "winter" do you mean the early part of the year? If so, MOS:SEASON suggests that one "avoid the use of seasons to refer to a particular time of year ([eg] winter 1995)" - replace with the actual month.
Good. I have given it a further tweak. See what you think.
  • "In August 1944, Bliss was Assistant Surgeon General until he was promoted to Deputy Surgeon General in January 1946" Lower case in the titles.
  • "He was at that time endorsed to the rank of Major General" 1. "endorsed is an odd usage; maybe just 'promoted'? 2. Lower case m and g.
  • "Bliss had toured Korea in October 1950" Why the switch to past tense? Suggest deleting "had".
  • "Medevac" - lower case m.
  • "with the result that death rates were lower compared to World War I and World War II, with improved recovery rates." What is the difference between a lower death rate and an improved recovery rate?

More to follow. Gog the Mild (talk) 21:32, 8 March 2020 (UTC) Thanks for starting GA review. I'll start working on the improvements today. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:29, 9 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The first projects the atomic researchers did involved" Maybe "did" → 'carried out'?
  • Wikipedia is funny about lists. You can about get away with his awards and qualifications in list form, but offices and activities need to be in prose - eg "Helped establish the Tripler Army Medical Center in Honolulu, Hawaii"; "Surgeon General of U. S. Army"; "Raymond W Bliss Army Health Center at Ft Huachuca, Arizona, named after him."; "Oscar for Documentary Short Subject at the 21st Academy Awards for the film Toward Independence, June 1949".
  • I have done a little copy editing. Shout if you think I have messed anything up. = looks O.K. to me.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:28, 9 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I can see several things in the list which could do with Wikilinking, eg Distinguished Service Medal.
Nice. I have moved some of the sections around. Feel free to revert if you don't like.

More to follow. Gog the Mild (talk) 22:33, 8 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Quick work, and good. To my eye, that meets the criteria. A nice little article. Good work. Promoting Gog the Mild (talk) 20:06, 9 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed
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