Talk:Ray Jones (footballer, born 1988)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 20:14, 20 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I shall be reviewing this against the GA criteria as part of a GAN sweep. I'll leave some comments soon. JAGUAR 20:14, 20 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Drive-by comment from Noswall59 Hi, I just noticed that one of Jones's middle names in the article is Bankote, which is supported by an entry in the PFA Who's Who; the probate records call it Bankole, so I wonder whether you should double-check the PFA reference. Cheers, —Noswall59 (talk) 21:35, 20 April 2016 (UTC).[reply]

Mattythewhite: Do you still have the reference to double-check this? Thanks in advance. '''tAD''' (talk) 23:22, 20 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

An online edition of Hugman's says Bankote. A google search for the spelling mainly yields Wikipedia and websites likely to be mirrors. The search for the name with Bankole yields no references to the subject, but it does provide evidence that the name does exist and is fairly common among people of Nigerian origin. '''tAD''' (talk) 23:27, 20 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Bankole also seems to be a common name in Sierra Leone, and as in the case of Carlton Cole, there are precedents for people of such origin to have several names, some African and some British. '''tAD''' (talk) 23:31, 20 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The book does indeed read "Bankote". Might be worth contacting Mr. Hugman to ask him if he's sure the name is correct? Mattythewhite (talk) 01:02, 21 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

"An inquest into the accident ruled that Jones would have faced charges of death by dangerous driving for the deaths of his two passengers" - would be better to point out that he would have faced those charges if he survived
- Done '''tAD''' (talk) 21:11, 21 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Per WP:LEADLENGTH, a lead of two paragraphs is recommended for an article this size
- Done '''tAD''' (talk) 21:11, 21 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"opening a 2–0 home win over lowly Hull City" - bit mean ;-P Can you add what league they were in at the time?
- The reference says they were "struggling" in the Championship, QPR's league. As form is temporary I've now concluded that the description of Hull's position is small to understanding Jones, it's certainly not as important as this being John Gregory's first game in charge '''tAD''' (talk) 21:11, 21 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"and a week later as he signed a new three-and-a-half-year deal. which would have kept him at the club until 2010" - unnecessary full stop
- Removed the "secondary clause", this is simple arithmetic '''tAD''' (talk) 21:13, 21 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Ref 15, 19, 20 and 21 are all dead - they lead to an error page on the QPR site
- Found accurate third-party references to replace the QPR links '''tAD''' (talk) 21:20, 21 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Not a bad article. The only things that need doing now are to merge the lead into two paragraphs (recommended) and archive all of the dead links if possible. The comments about prose were minor. Shame about his death, I'm sure he would have become a great player for England. JAGUAR 14:49, 21 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for addressing them, I've gone through the article again and am happy to conclude that this meets the criteria. Good work!

JAGUAR 17:28, 22 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]