Talk:Randall Made Knives/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 18:09, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have three major concerns with this article: prose quality (1a), quality of the sourcing (2b), and its coverage (3a). I think this article still needs quite a bit of work, but I'm prepared to believe that it can be done during the 7-day hold period. Some details follow.

Lead

The lead is too short too adequately summarise the article.

Comment - Took a crack at adding more info & better capturing the subject. FieldMarine (talk) 20:08, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"... custom handcrafted knives and other edged tools". What are these "other edged tools", and why are they not described in the article body?

Comment - Removed "other edged tools." FieldMarine (talk) 20:08, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Randall hand forges nearly all models of knives instead of factory stamping." This is unclear. Does it really mean "all models of knives", or just all of the models that Randall makes?

Comment - Only very few knife makers hand forge knives. FieldMarine (talk) 20:08, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I understand that, but it's unclear (at least to me) whether or not Randall produces nearly all models of knives. I think the problem is in the "instead of factory stamping", which seems disconnected from what precedes it. Is what's meant here "Randall produces nearly all models of knives (shouldn't that be "knife" anyway?), all hand forged rather than factory stamped"?

History

"'Bo' Randall founded the company in 1938 after making knives for several years as a hobby." He's variously called "Bo" Randall, Bo Randall, and Randall, for no obvious reason.

Comment - Changed all to Randall. FieldMarine (talk) 20:51, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"... customers from the military initially provided his biggest boost in business and launched his company nationally." So customers from the military ... launched his company nationally? Very generous of them.

"In the early 1940s, Randall knives significantly increased in popularity after receiving good publicity during World War II." What kind of "good publicity"? From whom? "In the early 1940s" and "during World War II", seem to be saying the same thing.

"In 1957, bestselling author James Jones mentioned Randall knives in his book Some Came Running ...". Is this really significant, or just a piece of trivia?

"... subsequently assisted "Bo" Randall design a diver’s knife." At least one missing word there. "To design"? "In the design of"?

"Country music songwriter Guy Clark paid tribute to the company's craft with "Randall Knife," a song about his father's death that and prized Randall knife." Doesn't make sense.

Comment - Removed this piece. FieldMarine (talk) 20:08, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Singer Steve Earle mentions a Randall knife in his song 'Taneytown'." What has this piece of trivia got to do with the history of the company?

Comment - Removed this piece. FieldMarine (talk) 20:08, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

More than half of this section deals with only one knife, the Model 17 "Astro". How many models does Randall actually make? What are these mysterious "other edged tools" mentioned in the lead?

Comment - Added section with standard models. FieldMarine (talk) 20:53, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Randall Made Knives Museum

This one sentence section is far too short to stand alone. Also, it's the first time we learn that Randall has a shop in Orlando. Is that its only shop? How else are its products marketed and sold?

Notes

The article is sourced largely from the company's own brochures and web site. Have no reliable independent sources written about the company, as opposed to any of its products?

Malleus Fatuorum 18:09, 29 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Additional comments from Casliber (talk · contribs)

Best infobox image I've seen in some time. :)

Some more independent sources would be good, though I do appreciate the esoteric nature of the subject. I have no problem with primary sources for many edits - what a company makes etc.

The factory and showroom is located in Orlando, Florida - I'd add after this (in the lead) that much selling is done via internet or mail or whatever. Obviously most people don't trek down to Orlando (??)

Randall offers 28 models of knives for different applications... - sounds like a sales brochure. I'd say "Randall makes/manufactures/designs (or pick another verb) 28 models of knives for different applications.."

each customizable at the factory based on customer specification - er, yeah. Does seem a bit circular. Is it that "There are 28 basic designs which can be fine tuned to specific requirements?" That might be a more succinct way of saying it.

Randall founded the company in 1938... - in the first instance he is mentioned, I'd use his full name and maybe mention his original occupation "handyman/inventor/whatever"

Wow, look what I found on Google Books. No damn preview for me here in Australia :( - I would think this book could really flesh out the article nicely. Can you get a copy from a library?

Comprehensiveness issues - the folks and the business - reading this article I know next to nothing about the family that runs it. Presumably Bo isn't so active anymore and his son runs it. Has anyone tried to buy them out, take it over. Do they avoid publicity etc. Have they considered expanding or subletting patents? Have others approached them and they refused. I also saw this which I have generous previews of when looking from Australia, and this, which also has previews.

More comprehensiveness - the knives - why are they so good?? Surely there mus be some speculation or discussion on the topic.

Overall it is a fascinating article. FieldMarine is the google book previews are blocked to you in the US, I will see what I can add myself when I get some RL chores done in the next 24 hours, otherwise have at it. It would be good to see it pass but it does need some work outlined as above. Casliber (talk · contribs) 02:51, 5 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll admit to having had a few doubts about this FieldMarine, but you've made a pretty decent fist of an article about a private company, so I'm listing this as a GA. Malleus Fatuorum 00:27, 11 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.