Jump to content

Talk:Raised by Another/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Seattle (talk · contribs) 16:24, 5 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • I added an archive link of the ABC press release that sourced the episode's ratings. However, the other link is an external link and I cannot find an archived version of it. Do you think I should just remove it? Ruby 2010/2013 00:52, 8 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • as she is rejected by her boyfriend who refuses to raise their child and thus, decides to go to an adoption agency when she believes she will struggle to raise it alone who goes to the adoption agency is ambiguous in current phrasing
  • In response, Hurley decides to start a census of all of the survivors when he makes a shocking discovery. which is...? WP:LEAD states: "Consideration should be given to creating interest in reading more of the article, but the lead should not "tease" the reader by hinting at content that follows."
  • You give an actor for Claire but not for Ethan or Charlie?
  • it's positive MOS:CONTRACTION advises to avoid contractions. Contractions occur several times over the section.
  • Is there a reason the psychic is upset?
  • Is the color of his playing cards particularly necessary, or can they go?
  • After unfolding several layers of material she dips her hands into a pool of blood and then wakes screaming. She has injured her hands by digging her nails deeply into her palms. can you combine these sentences with a colon?
  • This attack persuades Hugo "Hurley" Reyes (Jorge Garcia) to take a census in the dream?
  • Jack Shephard (Matthew Fox) suggests to Claire that she wasn't attacked and was imagining it and offers her a sedative. Really poor construction; far too many "and"s, and I still don't know what the "attack" was, whether it was in a dream or reality
  • James "Sawyer" Ford (Josh Holloway) has the flight manifest what's the "flight manifest?
  • Can you combine the second and third paragraphs in the "On the Island" section?
  • Locke looks on from the shadows with his arms crossed. is this important? If so, he should be addressed as "Jack", if you want to define by given names.
  • Locke's first name is John. All of the characters are referred to here as they are in the show. Everyone calls him Locke, while (for example) Jack Shepherd is known as Jack. Ruby 2010/2013 00:52, 8 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Claire's contractions begin to stop. I thought they already stopped? Can you combine this paragraph and the one above?
  • "screw up" isn't particularly encyclopedic, can you quote something?
  • The first season contained flashbacks of main characters, the purpose being "the purpose being" unnecessary here
  • An estimated 17.15 million viewers watched the episode live, meaning it placed first that night and in tenth place for the week among all major American networks. Sentence needs parallelism between the verb "placed" and the noun "place"
  • human threat for our survivors replace "our" with "[the]".

Duplication detector reports, based on this revision: reference two checks out, reference sixteen checks out. Reference checks, based on same revision: reference 17 ranking and quote check out, reference 15, "stellar" quote checks out, date checks out, antagonist statement checks, longer quote checks. Seattle (talk) 16:24, 5 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for reviewing! I will get to these comments shortly and post here when I believe the article is ready for a second look. Ruby 2010/2013 02:50, 6 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Seattle, I have finished editing the article per your helpful comments. Please let me know if there is anything else needed here. Thanks! Ruby 2010/2013 00:52, 8 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • After Claire thinks, she walks out on the adoption agency I think "of" would work better than "on" here, but I wanted to check that this won't change its meaning
  • He gives her $6,000 and a ticket on Oceanic Flight 815 and says a couple in Los Angeles will adopt the baby and give her an additional $6,000. far too many "and"s
  • Sawyer surprisingly gives it to Hurley without any objection why is this surprising?
  • Emilie de Ravin, an Australian actress, originally auditioned for the role of Shannon can you link "Shannon" somewhere?

Passing. Seattle (talk) 16:10, 9 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Raised_by_Another/GA1&oldid=1079347780"