Talk:Raid on Griessie/GA1

GA Review

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GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

   'The raid was the final action in a series of engagements fought by the British squadron based in the Indian Ocean against the Dutch naval forces on Java' - Shouldn't that be 'based in Java' instead, as ships don't usually sit inland :P - Done

   'As his large squadron sailed into the bay, the surving Dutch ships were driven on shore to avoid capture, boarding parties under Admiral Pellew's son Captain Fleetwood Pellew completing the destruction by setting the wrecks on fire' - A semicolon after 'avoid capture'? - A semicolon doesn't read correctly to me here, are you sure?

   'A number of ships, including all of the Dutch ships of the line' - Repetition of 'ships', perhaps replace the first with vessels? - Done, good suggestion.

   'Hartsink had sought to divide his forces shortly before Pellew's attack and consequently sent a number of vessels eastwards along the Javan coast under an American-born Dutch officer named Captain Cowell, eventually sheltering in a protected anchorage at the town of Griessie near Sourabaya, 570 miles (920 km) to the west of Batavia' - Very long sentence, needs cutting down to two seperate sentences. - Done

   'However during the summer responsibility for the French island bases of Île Bonaparte and Île de France passed from Pellew to Rear-Admiral Albemarle Bertie' - What kind of responsibility? To capture them, or to maintain them administratively post-capture? - blockade, done.

   Last paragraph of 'Background', I'd introduce Pellew junior as Captain first, then just refer to him as 'Pellew' when his raiding successes are introduced. - I've rephrased the point where he is introduced, but I think for clarity's sake its better to call him Captain Pellew throughout.

   'In response, Pellew ordered that Culloden and Powerful be lightened by the removal of unnecessary stores' - I'm not sure this is here; firstly it's introduced to seem like it's the literal reaction to the news of the boat party being arrested, and it also doesn't seem to relate to anything later on. Can you clarify why this occurred? - Done

   Do we know the name of the Dutch governor? - Sorry, it doesn't appear in any text I've consulted.

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

   Actually, a bit of an introduction would be good, identifying why Pellew is attacking the Dutch, just for the casual reader; you've got a good bit in the lead to the overarching article on the Java campaign, about the Kingdom of Holland being a French client state. Adding that to this article and the other ones I've reviewed might not be a bad idea. - Had a go, will look at it again once I've had a look.

   'Admiral Pellew was unable to return to Java early in 1807, as his ships were dispersed to numerous parts of the Indian Ocean, some as far west as the Red Sea' - Why was this? - Done

   How did his son go from commanding Psyche to a ship of the line? Nepotism, promotion due to successes? - Done

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Very few things to deal with here, Jacky. Excellent article as per usual. Skinny87 (talk) 11:09, 5 October 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review and the excellent suggestions. All addressed.--Jackyd101 (talk) 18:00, 5 October 2009 (UTC)

Excellent, excellent, will pass it now. Skinny87 (talk)