Talk:RAF Coastal Command/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hchc2009 (talk) 06:32, 30 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll start working on this now.Hchc2009 (talk) 06:32, 30 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, done. Highlights: some bits of editing required on the text; one paragraph needs sources; I'm not sure about the length of the last two sections, but very keen to get your thoughts on this. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:12, 30 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

1. Well-written:

(a) the prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct;

Lead:

"Founded in 1936, it was to act as the RAF premier maritime arm..." Unclear as written if it was meant to act as the premier arm ("...it was intended to be..."), or ended up doing so ("it became...")
"Wolf pack" - worth checking the capitalisation here (the wiki article is lower case)
"During 1940–1945" - under MOS, I think this would need to be "During 1940 to 1945".

Origins:

"had met in 1909 and decided the direction that British air power" - you don't need "had". "air power" seems an odd term to use in 1909, IMHO, but your call based on the sources!
"£9,000 in 1909 to £500,000" - if you fancied giving modern day equivalent sums, http://www.measuringworth.com/index.php has some advice and citable figures.
"Between 1909 and 1911 and the Navy" - the second "and" isn't needed
"The use of telegraphy and bomb dropping was well in advance of the War Office." - the telegraphy links to wireless telegraphy - if that's what's meant here, it probably needs to be in the text as well. If not, worth changing the link.
"the Germans favoured Airships which" - capitalisation of airships
"British were debating the use of flying boats and Seaplanes" - ditto
" Few forces had the doctrine for the deployment of their charges despite manoeuvres involving aircraft being carried out in 1913." - a little bit unclear. Is this referring to a doctrine for the use of depth charges?
"the Coastal Air Forces impact are disputed." - apostrophe after Forces is neede
"With Wireless now available and new aircraft such as the DH.6 which had slow stalling speeds, enabled effective ASW missions to be carried out to the extent that aircraft became one of the core instruments in trade defence." - capitalisation of wireless. The sentence isn't quite right - how about "With wireless communications now available, and new aircraft, such as the DH.6, with slow stalling speeds in service, effective ASW missions could be a carried out..."?

The ebb of maritime aviation:

"AOC Central and AOC Coastal Areas " - I'm not sure you've said what an AOC is.
" Several Expansion Schemes were heading..." capitalisation of expansion schemes? Or an explanation of what they were, if its a proper noun.
"the threat from Nazi Germany instigated a series of expansion schemes" - a threat can't instigate something. "prompted"?
"de la Ferté was highly critical..." Capitalisation of De
"Owing to the imperfect ASDIC invention..." ASDIC?
"there was not enough "jam" to go around" - I wasn't sure the link for jam really helped here! For a non-English reader, could you explain that it means resources in this context?
"In March 1937, the then Director of Operations Group Captain Robert Saundby complained that the roles for Coastal Command in war, namely the first, supporting the bomber offensive, and second, the support of naval forces along the British coastline were limited and was contributing to retarding the purpose of the Command." Worth having a look at this sentence and seeing if it can be made to read any more smoothly.

(b) it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.

"John Buckley" comes up as needing disambiguation.

2. Factually accurate and verifiable:

(a) it provides references to all sources of information in the section(s) dedicated to the attribution of these sources according to the guide to layout;

Fine.

(b) it provides in-line citations from reliable sources for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines;

"Despite the preference for flying boats and seaplanes..." - paragraph doesn't have a citation/reference
"Internet Movie Database" isn't usually considered a reliable source, because it is self-edited. As an alternative, try "British war films" instead, perhaps, which also gives some more detail about it.

(c) it contains no original research.

Fine.

Broad in its coverage:

(a) it addresses the main aspects of the topic;

Second World War:

This section can be shorter than the rest, because of the main article, but I think it is perhaps too succinct - it didn't really give me a flavour of what actually happened in the War without my having to click on the link. What do you reckon to summarising a bit more of the operations and events during the War? I reckon that four paragraphs here would be quite fair, given everything that happened.

Cold War:

Seems a very short section compared to the earlier parts - I didn't really get a sense for why it was wound up and placed in Strike Command for example. Is this an issue with the sources, or should this bit be expanded?

(b) it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).

Fine.

Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without bias.

It reflects the sources fairly, although this is a field in which there are some strong opinions by the academics, and would be worth looking at further at ACR.

Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.

Stable.

Illustrated, if possible, by images:

(a) images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content;

Checked and okay.

(b) images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.

"The Airco DH.6, the World's first ASW aircraft" - capitalisation of world

I've done the corrections suggested. The later half I can get onto soon. Dapi89 (talk) 18:40, 30 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I've fixed "the World's first ASW aircraft", and I think its now good to go. Nice work. Hchc2009 (talk) 19:03, 8 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]