Talk:Qal'at al-Bahrain/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Tomcat7 (talk · contribs) 11:51, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

"where the Gods met" - the underlined should be in lowercase
"excavations have been carried out since 1954. The first excavation at the site was carried out by a Danish expedition" - duplicated, does not read well. Suggest remove "and excavations have been carried out since 1954." as redundant
Units should be converted so that the US readers will understand
You linked "tell" the second time
Either spaced n-dashes or unspaced m-dashes.
" over an area 180000 sqft" - several issues here. First, put a comma in the centre of the number. Sqft should be converted to US unit, and the phrase is not correct. Something like "over an 180,000 sqft area" would be better
The sentence "The strata spread over an area 180000 sqft, laid out over the 300×600m tell, testifies to continuous human presence from about 2300 BC to the 16th century AD." needs to be reworded completely
"The site was the capital of the Dilmun, one of the most important ancient civilizations of the region" - you already linked Dilmun, and already stated what they were
"sarcophagus" - if only one, then add "a"
" revealed "snake bowls", sarcophagus and a mirror, and many others" - the underlined is unclear. Perhaps write "among other things" (sounds better, imho)
"with clay and or mortar as binding material. " - decide between "and" or "or"
"The houses had with plastered floors and were spacious." - not sure what this means
" The village had well laid out streets.[11]" - odd sentence. Can you reword it to a simple active sentence?
Why you suddenly introduce hectar, foot?
" and the walls were built with varying thickness with stone masonry with gates to allow for donkey carrying loads to pass through." - three times with, plus weak wording
Several odd wordings in "Layout". For example: "where after it was deserted" - do you mean "after when it was deserted"?
" copper pieces, a socketed spearhead, fishing tools" - suggest "copper pieces, fishing tools and a socketed spearhead"
"small and large crucibles used for melting of the metal were recovered" - begins with a lowercase "small"
The article should be really copyedited. The upper sections are Ok, but the prose quality becomes worse and worse. --Tomcat (7) 12:18, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Will get to work on these soon, thanks! --Droodkin (talk) 12:39, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I've done most, if not all, of the stuff mentioned above. I'm sorry I didn't find them earlier. It should be fine now, though a copy-edit is needed (alas, I don't have free time :( )--Droodkin (talk) 13:12, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I made some changes. Now I think it meets the criteria. Regards.--Tomcat (7) 12:40, 4 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]