Talk:Public Strain

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Public Strain/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:28, 30 January 2022 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

A review of this coming later on today! --K. Peake 07:28, 30 January 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

• September 28 is not sourced as the exact release date anywhere in the body

Added ref in release section

• "and final album" → "and final studio album"

Done

• The production part should be in the recording sentence instead

See below

• "on September 28, 2010, on" → "on September 28, 2010, via" but again, the exact release date is not sourced

Done

• Remove VanGaalen's label introduction because this is not needed in the lead when it's in the body already

Done

• "Public Strain was recorded during a" → "The album was recorded during a"

done

• "8-month recording process" the body seems to source around 10 months, not eight

Added efn

• Regarding the production merger, do something like adding a semi-colon then write "produced by Chad VanGaalen."

Now it's: "The album was produced by Chad VanGaalen and recorded during a period of isolation for the band..."

• "It is noted for its key and time signature changes," → "It has been noted for the key changes and vocal delivery," or something else notable per only one song having the signature mentioned, with the target

done

• "and post-punk genre." → "and numerous genres including post-punk."

Done

• Remove late artist intro to Ray Johnson per the body being sufficient

Done

• "are described as" → "were described as"

Done

• Pipe harmonizing to Harmonization

Done

• "The instrumentation on the album is" → "The instrumentation is"

Done

• No feedback is sourced in the body and only one song is mentioned as featured reverberation, so reword or source more info

Just reworded

• "The tour for the album would" → "An accompanying tour would"

Done

• "lead to the band's disbanding" → "lead to Women's disbanding"

Done

• It needs to be mentioned directly in the body that the album failed to chart, rather than just no positions listed

I can't find a source that says that the album failed to chart explicitly, but the album never charted other than in the earshot chart. Should I just remove this?

I would suggest so, as everything in the leads needs to be written out in the body and the !earshot chart is not notable. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

There we go

• "have labeled the album" → "have labeled Public Strain"

done

• "Eyesore" being retrospectively praised is not backed up in the body

Moved part in music section to legacy section, hopefully that is sufficient

Yeah, this should do it. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

• "Public Strain has received" → "the album has received

Done

• The impact is sourced in the body, but it being on indie artists and mentioned by personnel/recording is not

Added more info in legacy section

Does not appear to have any mention of indie artists, even if you have added VanGallen for the latter part. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

I clarified this a bit. Does this read fine now?

Background and recording

• Wikilink Chad VanGaalen on the img text

Done

• Mention the name of their debut studio album

Done

• "the band members lived" → "the members lived"

Done

• Pipe jam to Jam session

Done

• The name of the studio space is not mentioned by the source

Whoops. Cite added

• "which led to the band" → "which led to them"

Done

• "as a "slog," but with similar or the same experimentation techniques as the band's first record." → "as a "slog", but with similar or the same experimentation techniques as Women." per MOS:QUOTE

Done

• "acknowledged the band's influence" → "acknowledged Women's influence"

Done

• [4] should be solely at the end of the para per it being used for the last two sentences

Done

• Remove overly obvious wikilink on India

Done

• "the album varies with" → "Public Strain varies with"

Done

• "that the band members would" → "that the band members did"

Done

• Add the interview source to the quote to avoid OR

Done

• "Most of the album was" → "Most of Public Strain was"

Done

• "on the bands intended sound," → "of Women's intended sound,"

Done

• "growing incredibly paranoid."" should only have the punctuation inside speech marks if it is the end of a full sentence quoted

Done

• Wikilink Flemish Eye and mention it being VanGaalen's label here

Done

• "for creating the album." → "for creating Public Strain."

Done

• Wikilink Nintendo

Done

• Wikilink cassette tape

Done

Music and lyrics

• Wikilink The Velvet Underground on the img text

Done

• [9] should be only invoked once in the first sentence; do this after the second genre it sources

done

• "shows more pop influences than the band's debut album." → "showcases more pop influences than Women." with the pipe

done

• "The album opens with" → "It begins with" also, remove the comma from inside the song title speech marks

Done

• Pipe key to Key (music)

Done

• Wikilink time signature

Done

• "is noted for its minimal use" → "was noted for a minimal use" plus mention the feedback in this sentence and change 60s to 1960s

Done

You missed the initial point and the extra parts --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

W h o o p s. Done

• Pipe ballad to Sentimental ballad

Done

• "to the album's tenth track" → "to Public Strain's tenth track"

Done

• The first quote about "Venice Lockjaw" is not sourced

Done

• "to woo the stars."" → "to woo the stars"." per MOS:QUOTE

Done

• Remove the comma from inside "Bells", also the integral description is unsourced

Somehow I switched the refs up, fixed

• "style drive a listener" → "style drive listeners" but the quote is not sourced and move the punctuation outside speech marks

Ref added, fixed

• "is considered to be" → "has been considered to be"

Done

• "noisiest tracks on the album," → "noisiest tracks on Public Strain," but where is the noisiest part sourced?

Done, source added

• The "brilliant climax" part is not sourced, also this is not neutral for music and lyrics

Just removed that part

• [16][17] should solely be at the end of the sentence

Done

• "wide melodic intervals."" → "wide melodic intervals"."

Done

• "only single off of the album;" → "only single from Public Strain;"

Done

• "their swan song."" → "their swan song"."

Done

• ""Eyesore" is one of" → "The track is one of"

Done

• "The album is noted for its evocative," → "Public Strain is noted for evocative,"

Done

• "between Patrick and Matthew Flegel," → "between Patrick and Matt Flegel,"

Done

• "The album cover was" → "The cover art was" to be less repetitive

Done

• "of the town where Johnson lived in," → "of the town where Johnson lived,"

Done

• "was also referenced on" → "was previously referenced on"

Done

Release

• The releases are not sourced, also can you find an exact date like you've wrote in the beginning of the article?

Done...hopefully

This should work, I suppose. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

• Pipe !earshot to Exclaim!

done

• "3-month fall tour" → "three-month fall tour" per MOS:NUM

done

• "and the band's label Flemish Eye stated that the band" → "and Flemish Eye stated that Women"

done

• "in the same year after" → "in October 2010 after"

done

• Why no mention of the "Eyesore" single release here?

Brief mention added, but there is a surprising lack of information

Reception

• Pipe The Boston Phoenix to The Phoenix (newspaper)

Done

• "Sputnikmusic juxtaposed the band" → "Sputnikmusic reviewer Electric City juxtaposed Women"

Done

• "with reviewer Electric City writing that "[i]n the" → "writing: "In the"

Done

• Fix MOS:QUOTE issues throughout this section for the parts that aren't full sentences
• "Chris Buckle, writing for" → "Chris Buckle, for"

Done

• "writing for PopMatters, commented that in the wake of the bands" → "at PopMatters, commented that in the wake of the band's"

Done

• "writing for No Ripcord," → "for No Ripcord" and remove the independent introduction here, also doesn't this contradict the widespread acclaim statement at the start? If so, I would suggest altering that part.

Done. I'm not sure since while some reviewers were more qualified, this is the sole negative review I could find (also see the Metacritic and ADM refs)

• The Velvet Underground → the Velvet Underground per MOS:THEMUSIC

Done

• "placed it at" → "placed the album at"

Done

• "of the BBC called it" → "of BBC called Public Strain" with the wikilink

Done

Legacy and influence

• "The album is widely considered" → "It is widely considered"

Done

• "Sputnikmusic's staff ranked it the 3rd" → "Sputnikmusic's staff ranked Public Strain the third" per MOS:NUM

Done

• Fix MOS:QUOTE issues throughout this section for the parts that aren't full sentences

Done...again, hopefully

• "ranked it the" → "ranked the album the"

done

• "of the decade respectively." → "of the decade, respectively."

done

• "called the album a" → "called Public Strain a"

Done

• Pipe cult classic to Cult following

Done

• Remove wikilink on the Velvet Underground

Done

• Remove or replace Medium per WP:MEDIUM

Removed

• "named it one" → "named Public Strain one"

Done

• Remove wikilink on Flemish Eye

Done

• "that had released the album" → "that had released Public Strain"

Done

Track listing

• See MOS:TABLECAPTION

Done

Personnel

• Wikilink Chad VanGaalen and mention him being producer too

Done

References

• Copyvio score looks too high at 51.6%; cut down the quoting in legacy and influence to fix this

Done...but will double check after I post this

It is around 41% now, which means you still need to cut down quoting but good job in dropping by around 10%! --K. Peake 09:00, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

Cut this down

• Wikilink Calgary Herald on ref 1
• I have my doubts about ref 3's reliability, as The Blue Indian identifies as a blog

Just removing, as it only sources a little bit on the recording section

• Cite Tumblr as publisher instead on ref 5 with the wikilink

Done

• Cite last name before first on ref 6 and wikilink Apple Podcasts, citing in via parameter instead

Done

• Remove or replace ref 8 per WP:MEDIUM

Just removed

• Cite Bandcamp as publisher instead on ref 10

Done

• Pipe The Boston Phoenix to The Phoenix (newspaper) on ref 12

Done

• Cite Revolution Rock as publisher instead on ref 13

Done

• WP:OVERLINK of PopMatters on ref 17

Removed

• Cite Sputnikmusic as publisher instead on refs 18 and 35, wikilinking on the first instance

Done

• Remove Beats Per Minute from the title of ref 19 and cite as Beats Per Minute instead, piping to Beats Per Minute (website)

Done

• Fix MOS:QWQ issues with refs 20 and 21

Using single quotes now

• Cite Flemish Eye Records as publisher instead on ref 22 and pipe to Flemish Eye

done

• www.earshot-online.com → !earshot on ref 23, piping to Exclaim!

Done

• Remove or replace ref 24 per WP:SELFPUB

Replaced

• Remove wikilink on Exclaim! for ref 31

Done

• Cite Pitchfork as work/website instead on ref 32

Done

• Remove BBC from the title of ref 33 and change www.bbc.co.uk to BBC, citing as publisher instead with the wikilink

Done

• Aux.tv → A.Side TV on ref 34, citing as publisher instead with the wikilink

Done

• Cite Gorilla vs. Bear on ref 36 with the wikilink

Done

• Wikilink Tiny Mix Tapes on ref 37

Done

• exclaim.ca → Exclaim! on ref 38

Done

• FLOOD → Flood on ref 39

Done

External links

• Good

Final comments and verdict

•  On hold until all of the issues are fixed; quite a lengthy review this one! --K. Peake 14:38, 30 January 2022 (UTC)

I'm gonna save here--feel free to look through my changes, and I'll finish this up in a bit DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 18:23, 30 January 2022 (UTC)

@K. Peake: I've responded to everything above. I think this only needs a tad more work but we'll see. If you need me to clarify something further, I am happy to! DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 23:50, 30 January 2022 (UTC)

DecrepitlyOnward It is applaudable that you responded so quickly and I have done some copy editing myself in minor areas, but there are still some unresolved issues that I pointed out above. --K. Peake 08:59, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

@K. Peake:, I really should've double checked and brought all of the advice from my last GAN to here. But here we are. Addressed everything above. DecrepitlyOnward (he/they/she) (talk) 01:39, 1 February 2022 (UTC)

• ✓ Pass time, no problems are remaining now! --K. Peake 08:19, 1 February 2022 (UTC)